Why does he tell me that I don't need to lose weight?

[agonz914]

I told him I wasn't happy. He told me not to lose that much weight. He acts like he wants to start a relationship but we're friends with benefits. I sort of want to let this situation die but I don't know.. I'm barely hanging on. He seems nice but sometimes I feel like maybe he wants to keep me in the dark.

Afraid of losing me?

Fetish?

Updates

+1 y

Id like to add that we've been on & off.. I didn't see him for the 9 months while I was pregnant & a yr that I was in a toxic relationship. I once gave him an STI too lol I asked him, well how do you know it was me? He says, "you're the only one I've been with" & He lives 9 hrs away. He wants me confident but tells me I don't need to lose weight.. I just need to.. then he stayed quiet

[SamIam96]

Maybe he doesn't really care about your weight. He likes you and the sex. Not too shocking to me.

If you're asking about your weight, it's probably an issue with you. Either way, we're all more healthy when we're not overweight. Loose the weight you want. It's hard to imagine it will hurt your relationship.

[Sonorous]

Maybe he knows that womens standards in a man increase when they perceive their value going up. So if you lose weight and start getting a bunch of compliments, it could cause you to leave him? Or he just likes girls with fat because of the way it looks or feels? Iono

[Anonymous]

Keep you in the dark? It sounds like you need to make up your mind what you want, if this situation isn't working for you anymore, then don't just "let it die" (it probably won't either), just end it. It doesn't have to be complicated or stressful or a "big thing", just be direct with him and tell him the truth. "I'm very sorry, but this situation isn't working for me anymore and I have to end it. I wish you the best." - something like that. No need to "explain" but you've been honest with him and didn't ghost or something like that (horrible thing to do). And regardless, you say "he acts like he wants a relationship", find out. Talk to him and make sure you're still on the same page. Very important to do this frequently in a fwbs situation.

As far as your weight, you'd have to ask him what he means/thinks. He might like it (or doesn't bother him), and/or just trying to make you feel better? But that's not the issue in your case.

[agonz914]

Keep me in the dark as in there is something that he doesn't want to tell me. I notice that sometimes he doesn't say what he wants to say because it wouldn't benefit for him to say it. Let it die meaning I've tried to break it off twice but he reels me back in with, "c'mon don't you like spending time with me?" And well yes I do. I don't know what I want anymore. I'm reevaluating at this point

[Anonymous]

Well, considering that if you are going to lose weight or make any changes to yourself for that matter it should be done for you rather than someone else it really doesn't matter what he thinks about it.

[agonz914]

It is being done just for myself but I care about him and I want to know what's going on in his head w out having to ask him 🤦🏽‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Eh, some guys are chubby chasers and like overweight women.

Or, he’s being polite and saying you don’t need to lose much because he doesn’t want to say more and risk offending you. Then its bye-bye pussy.

[agonz914]

He told me just lose like 50 lbs & then I'll start to feel more confident. I've lost 40 lbs since then & he is trying to initiate a relationship but i would think that he would want me to shoot for better if he cared about me no?

[zeitgeist057]

great job losing 40lbs! WOW! That's fantastic.

[True_Sage]

Oh. Yi7 actually dud a good job then and he's encouraging you. That changes everything

[True_Sage]

Men won't nail you for every tiny amount you're off. Ofc he'd like if you get the last 10, but you actually did make a big improvement and got most of the way.

I thought the opposite until you told us that.

[agonz914]

The photo is from before the 40 lbs too 😊 lol & Thank you! I'm not doing it for him even though I do like him. I'm going for another 45.

[zeitgeist057]

so for reference, what were you in the photo, what are you now, and what is your goal weight?

[agonz914]

I was 265 in the photo im at 225 & 180 is my goal.

[zeitgeist057]

that's awesome, and you've already shown you can lose 40 so that's really something to be proud of. You are really doing yourself a huge favor getting in shape now before you get old, it's adding years to your life and improving the quality of those years. Again, great job.

[True_Sage]

You have a good attitude. I think you can do it. Keep watching them calories and doing what you can. Good job.

[scott04sa22]

guys like bbws and girls with big butts. i think your weight doesn't matter to him. if you want to lose the weight then go ahead. you can try ymca or planet fittness

[agonz914]

I've tried planet fitness & true fitness but honestly for me, the comfort of my own home is the way to go.. it is how I have seen the most results. And free too 😊

[scott04sa22]

their you go

[Billlewis]

You're probably gorgeous exactly the way you are.

[spiralshape]

He is playing nice. He really does want you to lose weight. Fatness usually contributes not only to ugliness but also some conscious diseases and breast/liver cancer

[Jamie05rhs]

He doesn't want you to lose weight because then other guys will be hitting on you and he will have to compete with them.

[agonz914]

I agree. He's comfortable with the way things where

[Jamie05rhs]

Right.

[Iron_Man]

It’s not good for you to be at that weight it’s not healthy for you, you wanna live a long life don’t listen to him

[agonz914]

That's not my question. I'm losing weight regardless of his opinion. I just want to know why he wouldn't want me to

[Iron_Man]

He probably has a large fetish some guys like big women. They like big butts big legs big hips

[CuriousMufuxka]

Wow, you need to both lose each other. This relationship is fucked! And perhaps with no actual fucking.

[agonz914]

He seems pretty normal. Has his own home & cars. I'm the the one that's self destructive. But at least I'm aware.

[Endlesslove7]

Because he is a pervert. He can fuck even a female monkey.

[agonz914]

This comment is completely unnecessary. Who raised you?

[TallAnon]

He has some weird kink, you should lose weight if you want to live.

[agonz914]

I am living lmao

[TallAnon]

Not for long if you keep this up

[agonz914]

Thank you for your concern.

[True_Sage]

If you're friends with benefits for more than a few months you're being played and kept as a side game or backup or fetish toy.

Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Some guys don't like skinny twigs. It's always better to be healthy no matter the weight. Just talk about it with him you know him better than we do

[In_Trance]

No shade but do you really need to be told?

[JesseJayNeak]

I think it’s the latter

[agonz914]

What do you mean?

[JesseJayNeak]

He has a fetish

[Anonymous]

He's afraid of telling you the truth.

[Klinklins]

You're fat

[agonz914]

I'm aware. Thanks for letting me know lol

[Sam_The_Savage]

Your butt is sexy...

[adamc87]

No your perfect

[True_Sage]

Laying it on a little "thick" there, aren't you?

[zeitgeist057]

@True_Sage laying it on thiccc

[True_Sage]

@zeitgeist057 yea I should spelt it that way lol

[Kathuria_]

you need to loosee