Should I call things of?

[Anonymous]

I will try to keep this as detailed as I can, but at the same time not, cause the person im dating knows im on this site and im worried that they might find this post.

before I start, i want to tell a bit of a background; i was badly treated in my earlier relationship. we are talking about physical and mental abuse. its been taking me years of professional help to even get a bit better, and to be able to learn to trust someone again. and the reason why im telling this is cause i find myself falling back a lot of the time now when im dating to bad thinking patterns (overanalyzing situations, etc.)

now to this my question; i have been dating someone now for almost a year and truly, this is an amazing person. and i truly mean it when i write that i have gained my faith in people again. there is good in this world. But i have battled a lot with earlier memories of my last relationship and are trying not compare my past to my present and have had an amazing time with this person. im worried that its my own mind playing tricks on me, or if im actually seeing things now that aren't okay, and thats why im asking this question

the guy im seeing have now lied to be about stuff at three separate occations. im not saying that a lie is okay, but what i dont understand is why he decided to lie about stuff from the first beginning? the latest exampel was him telling me that he was sick and that he had to take this weekend to focus on work that he was behind on. which i understand. But after not hearing from him for almost 3 days i saw a story on his social medias where he was at the cinema with his kid. i just dont understand why he feels the need to not be honest with me? is this a breaking point?

i have confronted him about this earlier and he truly looked at me baffled, that he had no idea why he felt the need to lie. i asked him if i had come of as maybe rude or something (whichever could have thrown him of to feel the need to lie.) and he told me no.

Updates

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Bump

[jorfan3]

This person sounds like they are exhibiting early red flags. They may seem amazing right now, but I am questioning how much of that amazingness is actually a façade as well.

[Asker]

Hm, i do think you have a point. Thank you. So you dont think its my mind playing me tricks? I was planning to call things of from the first lie, but i was sure my mind was playing with me..

[jorfan3]

You might be gaslighting yourself because it's happened to you in the past. Did you get gaslit a lot?

[Asker]

I did actually. Thats why i wanted an outside opinion on this.

[jorfan3]

To be honest, it sounds like there are some early red flags and backing out would be totally valid... Add me and let me know how things turn out!

[Asker]

Okay, i have added you now. I still haven't been able to reach him, but will definitely let you know how things goes later

[bowenw]

Lying about what he was doing for three days is a fairly serious lie. I'd be curious to know why he felt the need to lie about it and what else did he do in those three days besides taking his kid to the cinema.

[Asker]

Yeah, im wondering that too. I äm not worried he's seeing someone else or something, i dont care about that. But its just the lying and stuff...

[bowenw]

I hope you get to the bottom of it so you can decide if it’s something you are prepared to live with.

[Asker]

Thank you. He told me he was sick and had a bit of work to do, so when he stopped responding for a few days i thought that he had died or something. I didn't really know what to do but then i saw his post with his daughter. Im waiting for him to reach out to me and then i will talk with him. And if he doesn't, then he doesn't and i will move on with my life.

[bowenw]

His excuses do not justify the lying in my opinion. All he had to do was take 10 seconds to text you to say he was sick and then was working. If you stay with him, I suggest keeping a close eye on him as he could be seeing another woman.

[Asker]

i mean i agree with you. He could have taken the time to text me back. i have heard back from him, but im not responding to his texts. if he wants to talk with me, he is going to have to call me.

[bowenw]

That is smart of you.

[Avicenna]

Sounds like you need a frank convo with him about your expectations.

[Asker]

I really do. Im going to talk with him as soon as i get a hold of him. Its been four days now...

[Anonymous]

Yes, call it off. This is going nowhere.

[Asker]

could you please care to elaborate? more detailed please.