If you were to ask a man before getting serious with him if he is physically abusive toward women he dates, would most men be honest?

[Anonymous]

[Summeroflove]

Well if someone’s abusive most of the time they’re not going to share that especially when they’re pretending to be someone they’re not.

Some people are covet and some are better at hiding things then others. It’s easy to put a act on seeing someone on a couple dates but when you’re around someone all the time it becomes harder to keep that persona.

If there are people talking about things this Abuser did in the past. Many abusers will talk up this big story about what a victim he or she is. All about how either it’s all lies or how horrible the other person was.

Yeah most abusers aren’t gonna be honest. That’s why you gotta be careful before jumping into something serious with somebody especially too fast. If someone’s rushing things or on the other hand going too slow like future faking. It’s suspicious

[ohsheeT]

I doubt any man would be honest there would be a few..

If you want to know the answer to that hang out with him hang out with him and his friends hang out with him and a waiter at a restaurant or someplace that you're being served see how he treats that person see if he talks shit about that person see if you talk shit about anybody and listen to his tone of voice he will tell you everything you want to know without you even asking him

[alice55]

This doesn't work though, it only work for small abuser those that would only slap and yell but true abuser (those that end up killing their wife) are always perfect in every ways in public.
Here you're more talking about jerk than an abuser.

[KostasKouvalis]

@alice55 That's actually kind of true, but also the reverse could be true, they could be jerks to other people but good to their partner. There was one girl at my work who said she's not a nice person, but she's only nice to ME

[ohsheeT]

I don't know I can read people pretty well and just by the way they treat people in public waiters Bell Hobbs. Cocktail waitress you can just about tell exactly who they are and how they really treat people just by their demeanor when they're speaking to them...

And then the funny part when they start talking negative about one of their friends and what kind of asshole he is blah blah blah blah blah blah if he talks any crap about anybody.

And you start dating him times that by 10 when you're ready to break up with him because... But if none of the above works then you're going to have to use your brain and just pay attention it will all come out somewhere you just need to be away from him quickly if it does happen because that's not called love

[alice55]

In a sense he would as those men do not see their behavior as being abusive but as normal. So they would say their true, what they believe is "normal".

Most people believe that abusive relationship only mean nearly killing your partner while it officially mean screaming at them, insulting them, slapping them, etc... Any abuser respond to "you're abusive" is literally "if I were you would literally be dead toady".

So no they would never admit to be abusive as they do not see their behavior as abusive (most abuse are not extreme one) and true abuser are professional manipulator liar so they would never admit it either.

[Nikki1989]

Men are rarely honest when it comes to issues like this.

[Avicenna]

Most men would find the question completely offensive

[AviatorTom]

I can't speak for most men. For myself, I am always honest in a relationship. I am not an abusive person.

[HawkPerception]

The truth is, there will be those that lie and those that tell the truth.

[Makeushiver]

The men that would be honest are the ones you don't need to worry about. There is probably a better way to get objective info. If he has anything of a reputation be very careful. If he has info available on any social forum and it shows a number of relationships that start off sounding great but seem to fizzle that's a heads up. If he has posted anything that hints at it or says anything like, "now I see why..." run, don't walk. I'm curious as to why you would be leery of this w/o any idea of the possibility. Don't go into a relationship thinking you can change him or it would never happen with you. Any signs of controlling behavior apparent before you are dating exclusively should be a red flag

[KostasKouvalis]

I feel most wouldn't. But it depends. If he does it 'cuz he's sadistic, that's bad news. However, if he does it because she made him angry, some women think that's normal behavior and would probably just try not to make him angry. It's hard to be honest with people these days, especially about something like that. No one wants to date an abuser, but if he only gets violent in the heat of the moment when he gets angry, some women understand that, so he might be more honest about that. A lot of people have a temper.

But generally speaking I will say "NO", because people are selfish and want to protect their image. And usually abusers don't care about other people.

[alice55]

Getting angry in the heat of the moment is not abuse though except if you literally are toward the person but if you kick a pillow or a wall it's not usually considered as abuse.

[KostasKouvalis]

@alice55 I had a feeling this question/posts might interest you. Yes, I agree. But I was talking about hitting the person. But there are people who think even the stuff that you're talking about isn't normal

[alice55]

I know some people don't consider it normal but those are usually extremist cause literally this is normal stuff, those people seem to think you cannot ever show emotion at all if not is it abusive even showing love to someone is considered as toxic now and is labelled love bombing.
Some people are so weird.

[KostasKouvalis]

@alice55 Some of the ones who don't consider it normal do it themselves or have in the past. I haven't heard of that. That's very stupid, and I can even see how some people would equate that to simping. I don't know what kind of person would find it weird to show someone love or tell someone they love them.

[KostasKouvalis]

Yeah, my dad always says, "People Are Strange" XD It's a song by The Doors

[alice55]

He's not wrong XD

[sawno]

It doesn't matter if most men are honest, the problem is the kind of guy you'd need to be honest about this won't be. So yes I would give a honest answer that I don't, but the guy who is physically abusive will probably also be much more likely to lie about it.

[ProbablyClueless]

No, there's almost no chance you'd ever get any answer besides "no." It would take an extremely honest former-anger management type to say "hey, just so you know, this is my past, but I've been through the program for ___ years and have developed management strategies to make sure it never happens again."

There are people like that out there, but I wouldn't count on running into them though.

[HighValue]

Abusers aren't honest. Just like women that plan to steal from men aren't honest about why they don't want a prenuptial agreement.

Just don't date people that use drugs or alcohol and you will avoid almost all abusers.

[Anonymous]

Yes--absolutely. Because the vast, VAST majority of men AREN'T physically abusive toward women and the vast, VAST majority would answer "no" to your question. Therefore most men WOULD be being honest.

Somehow I don't think that helps you at all though. . .

[Telekinetic-Potato]

There are some men who might be honest immediately. There are a few who will come back after thinking about it and at that point be honest and there are many who will lie

[BetaBucks]

No. Just like people don't admit to being cheaters. Men and women both deny being abusive or just claim to be abused victims.

[John_Cobretti]

"Most" men are not abusive anyways, stop worrying so much ladies

But yeah, Abusive man won't be honest about his past of course

[spartan55]

Yeah, he will admit he beats women... duh... of course he won't! Duh

[lorenzomichael]

You can't ask anybody a question like that. Of course you’re gonna lie to you. It’s like asking a bank robber that’s applying for a bank teller job. Has he ever robbed a bank?

[exitseven]

The men that never hit women will be honest. The ones that hit women will lie.

[elizamichale1]

Nobody is going to tell u that yes they r abusive

[Dongie]

The thing is would the abusers be honest. What do you think?

[LiamJHayden]

I would tell the truth, no, and then I would suggest she get counseling before dating again.

[Starrrboy]

No one would admit something like that.. lol you're so innocent.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, if you asked a woman if she was really stupid before getting serious about her would she tell him?

[Nirmroth]

Lol No if he is abusive He would lie about it

[slatyb]

Yes, because most men are not abusive.

[Vegasrunner]

Why would anyone tell you yes?

[elaphe]

I would be- the answer is a resounding no.

[jahaims]

No lmfao

[RedInnocent69]

Of course not.

[noohair]

I would.

[EnjoytheDay777]

Probably not.

[Maybeyoutoo]

Of course