I'm lonely but I also don't want to be in a relationship. What should I do?

Question

To add to it, I get stares but no apporoaches.

If I do get to striking up something, they act so weird and freeze.

Only stalkers, narcissistic types and men with boundary issues and obsessive behaviours want to progress anything.

I am actually pretty lonely and would like someone to spend time with.

I am also not wanting to accept anyone.

How to get out of this catch-22?

Im lonely but I also dont want to be in a relationship. What should I do?

Makeushiver · Accepted Answer

It sounds as if you are taking a passive role in this situation. Not only does that alone limit possibilities for a relationship but women, even if it's buried and not consciously acknowledged prefer a confident man. She wants a guy who is willing to put himself on the line for her as that increases hew genetic predisposition to a more Alpha male- (From an evolutionary sense, it appeals to her as a characteristic of a guy who will be be able to protect her and flourishing in the world where other males are competing for her. That doesn't mean she only wants guys who are buffed out but any characteristic that indicates a level of protection for a family unit stands out. ( I know you are far from considering family, I'm only referring to characteristics that humans are almost hard wired to feel. Girls will be flattered by you asking them out. That doesn't mean to persist if she says no but it does mean that she will like it if you put yourself out there. I tell every woman I see in a day that's good looking that I think she is very attractive. Over 250 times and once I was ignored the remainder I got very sincere thanks for saying so. I think one good way is to see what she is wearing and if she has a sense of style- say wearing lapis lazuli jewelry and has blue eyes you can assume she is doing so deliberately. In that case tell her you like the way the jewelry brings out the blue in her eyes. I've seen women wearing unusual but attractive on them colors like plum. Often with boots/shoes of that color as well as a bag of that color. Comment on it. If she is listening to music and the band is someone you know tell her you thought you overheard Jimi Hendrix and it caught your attention because it happens to be someone you like. (Don't use Jimi Hendrix as an example of a musician you saw recently as she may know that he died about 50 years ago, Cap with logo of team, you've always liked that team. Be honest but there are so many different examples I'm sure you could find something. If she tells you she is a lesbian tell her you understand you like girls as well

Truthatanycost · Accepted Answer

We live in a fallen world where most people have been influenced or 'infected' demonically. Since many are busy ignoring this, I'm not sure why anyone expects to meet good people without understanding this. A lot of loneliness also comes from tending only to the physical and ignoring the spirit and the unseen world. Man cannot live by bread alone...

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

Damn I hate it when I see a gal of your age going through same as me at my age. Cos I blame my age for how terrible dating experiences/men are these days. But it sucks you get the same nightmare lovers not wanting to make any effort to actually build a connection and have a relationship!

I'm so sorry you feel lonely! I get the uncertainty too. I don't think you should lower your boundaries or go for friends with benefits or anything like that. I think you are at a lucky age where the time will come for sure. I hate this advise but I'm gonna give it anyways as it does seem to fit I guess... but try to be more social. Find new friends, join some groups. It will help a little with being lonely. And keep door open for a chance of meeting someone genuine.

They are out there! Esp in your age group. I'm certain of it!!

chrissykerdock · Accepted Answer

i got a friends with benefits but then i felt like his whore after awhile it depends on how you'd feel i was giving lots of blowjobs i wasn't lonely anymore and he did see me often but it was mostly blowjobs and he never took me out because he knew he'd get blown anyway it's a tiugh choice do want to do that for somebody or not but you won't feel lonely he was good company always made me laugh but he was very strict and wanted that after awhile i didn't want to lose him so i gave it actually i gave him that on our 1st time together he said i was amazing and that he wanted to be exclusive

DishLady · Answer

If you're giving off the "f* off, i don't want a relationship" vibe people are going to pick up on that. So they'll just stay away from you.  You need to make up your mind about what you want.

mattthefatbat · Answer

If i was a outgoing extrovert id definitely be able to help, but What do you mean people start acting weird and freeze when you strike up something? Also I hope you aren't gonna start thinking all guys are as bad as the few you met though.

DrPepper12 · Answer

I think the first thing you need to do is figure out if you're lonely or alone. There's a world of difference between the two.

If you are lonely, unfortunately I think the prescription is to make yourself vulnerable even in a vulnerable state in order that you can open up to opportunities that come along.

Now regarding those opportunities, Lord knows there's enough simps, incels and creeps to keep you saying no for the remainder of your life. Where when and how are you putting yourself out there for these opportunities? Do you have a trusted wing woman?

lonelyboy_08 · Answer

Even a relationship can make you feel lonely sometimes, friendship is the only thing that comforts us in all kinds of situations. I'll suggest join clubs, meet new people, re-connect with your old friends. If you have great friends you won't feel lonely at all.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It might be worth your while to figure out what part of a relationship you actually want, what parts you don't want, and then figure out how to meet those needs

Goahead76 · Answer

I think part of it is having ongoing conversations with people who care whether on here or in life. I think it'd be an interesting experiment for this site to pair up volunteers where you just talked to one person for a few days or week or two. See if you like them or not, and make new friends. It's making more connections though that adds to the quality of life & I always welcome more of it.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

Lol you can't. You need to grow as a person or else you'll be lonely forever. Everyone isn't a narssicist or has boundary issues and being obsessive is kind of a requirement to make a relationship work. Maybe you'd be best off with a nonchalant personality but it sounds like you just aren't willing to change or adapt or learn from other people.

Which is kind of the whole point of having someone in your life in the first place.

thearchjoker · Answer

Your in a paradox so long as you don't take action. To get out of this you need to start being proactive in searching for a good partner rather than waiting for one to approach you. You need to judge who you want to be with based on their personality first and foremost. even if he's rich and very attractive he could still be a shithead thus you need to look for people who are genuine and once you've selected who you want you must make a move yourself rather than hope he notices you.

Friendlybro79 · Answer

Therapy is always available. You need a professional based on how you described your feelings. No shame it that at all. Good luck

EnjoytheDay777 · Answer

Take things slow. No need to rush. Just get to know someone and see if you end up liking them. A lot of people have one night stands with people they're attracted to but don't want to have a long term relationship will. And there's always friends with benefits.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

Damn I feel this, I want to flirt and talk but I’m still celibate and I like some company/romance. It’s either I get guys pretending to be nice and willing to wait or full on let’s fuck I think you’re hot.

its_amelia_c · Answer

Why not join meet up groups of either one sex (for friendship) or both sexes! It will help with the loneliness and then you may meet someone in a no pressure situation while having fun at the same time!

Straight2thepoint · Answer

You're lonely because you want to and want a clown to entertain you. So I guess no one is good enough for you. Your expectations are too high even for you. That sucks. Good luck with that.

Miristheiss · Answer

No relationship interest? Have an active like with friends and family... a pet too.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

Get yourself an inflatable boyfriend that you can stick in a closet when you don't feel like having him around.

msss98 · Answer

That is what friends are for, sign up to a club or activity

Emmytexrex · Answer

It's not every guy I don't want women for sex only never been my goal at all

morganherrel · Answer

How is your attractiveness? That can help a lot

jshm2 · Answer

Get yourself into a gay relationship... or get a cat.

CVNT5 · Answer

lemme come over so we can cuddle and have sexytime 😜👉👌💦💕

eagle1951 · Answer

talk with friends

Anonymous · Answer

Start with having friends with benefits with maybe a couple of guys if they want to get clingy don't see them again.  Make online friends and make it clear you just want to talk and nothing more?

Open-minded99 · Answer

Come talk to me. I'm the same way.

DextroShade · Answer

You either accept one of the decent, average men you have been rejecting or you can surround yourself with cats and they can eat you when you die alone and nobody cares.

Consent · Answer

I will be your friend

LiamJHayden · Answer

Make a bunch of friends.

Adogdog · Answer

That's a tough one.

Maybeyoutoo · Answer

Find some girlfriends

cavedweller1973 · Answer

When in doubt socialize and go out

NathanDavis · Answer

friendship

theguy4 · Answer

Get a dog

TheCaller · Answer

Do nothing

Seangreen · Answer

Get a new hobby

nawtee_me · Answer

Get a pet…

I'm lonely but I also don't want to be in a relationship. What should I do?

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