Older Woman, Younger Man: Why Is the Judgment So Much Harsher?

[Anonymous]

Why do older women dating younger men get a lot more judgement than older men dating younger women?

I'm a 41 year old woman engaged to a 27 year old guy, and I'm pregnant with twins. We've been together for about a year and a half, and we have a great relationship. However, ever since we started dating we've had no shortage of judgement from other people (including our families). Moreover, I can't help but think that a lot of the judgement wouldn't exist if it was an older man dating a younger woman.

We get labeled 'cougars' while men with younger women get called 'silver fox'.

We get accused of only being in the relationship to “relive our youth” and are seen as immature. Men with younger women get judged for immaturity a lot less.

Our relationships are often assumed to be unstable/temporary, while men with younger women often don't have their relationship judged for being 'unstable'.

Women with younger men have their appearance criticized and judged a lot more than men with younger women (which actually makes us way more insecure than we otherwise would be).

Moreover, when I started our relationship people would often tell me that I'm being selfish for not allowing him to get a chance to be a dad. After I got pregnant with his kids people told me that I was selfish for locking him in the relationship and that I wouldn't be in good enough health latter on to be a good mom (even though I'm in great shape, if I do say so myself).

I could go on and on, but you get my point.

I'm not saying men with younger women don't get criticized or judged at all. However, I do think that there's a big gap to the degree that women with younger men get judged.

I find it super frustrating. Why do people judge/criticize older women with younger men way more than older men with younger women?

[Finchie40]

Because a guy is supposed to take lead in a relationship , he is supposed to guide his wife and kids , so by him being younger than her? makes her the leader basically , because she is older than him. So people assume she is rocking the cradle by her being with a younger guy and sadly a lot of older women will be judged and criticized for dating a younger guy , because she is now considered his Mother , taking care of him , when it’s supposed to be the other way around. My ex was 4 years older than me and we heard so much criticism that she was older than me , it didn’t really bother me , but it bothered her. Guys’ my age were like hell yea man you got yourself a cougar , yo go bro , Older guys’ would be jealous if they had a crush on her , and be like why are you dating a younger guy? Like they were better than me. So many times I wanted to knock them the fuck out , but I would give it right back to them , and say because she likes to be pleased in the bedroom , and that usually shit them the fuck up lol Bottomline age doesn’t matter, what matters is the chemistry and connection you share with someone , it’s your relationship , no one else’s’ People will always try to rub their 2 cents together when they really don’t know shit. Just ignore negative assholes that are that way , they are just jealous and wish they had what you had. Making most of them hypocrites , because the second they meet someone with an age gap or whatever , all of a sudden it’s ok for them. I can’t stand people that are that way

[ManOnFire]

Amen! As a man who loves older women - and has dated a few, this hits home. Everything you said really is true, and it's not just the older woman who gets attacked but the younger guy. People think a guy who is in a relationship with a substantially older woman has mommy issues, is naive and will just get used and manipulated by the older woman, or that he is just using her for sex or to gain sexual experience. I've known quite a lot of guys who have fucked much older women and it had nothing to do with gaining experience but everything to do with time, place, opportunity, or sincere attraction.

I think older men wanting super young women is messed up in my opinion. These men are the ones trying so desperately to feel young again or think sex with a young woman is better. I truly think the attraction is largely sex-based. Plus many young women are just looking for a sugar daddy anyway. I also think older man-younger woman relationships don't last as long as older woman-younger man ones.

[MK1997]

Lol what a hypocrite

[ManOnFire]

@MK1997 You're mad cuz it's true. Get outta here, kid.

[MK1997]

No I think you are just triggered for some reason lol because you don't get old woman probably

[ManOnFire]

@MK1997 Makes no sense if I've dated some and had sex with them. You're mad because the only thing you can get is prune-penis.

[MK1997]

Lol then something must really trigger you about older men 😂

[ManOnFire]

@MK1997 Orrrrrrrr I just find the younger women to be immature and of little value🙂

[MK1997]

That doesn't justify why you have a go at the men lol 🤣

[MK1997]

Men have it worse. They get called creeps and perverts, accused of lot of things women don't. I understand your frustration and women do get judged too, but men are definitely judged more.

[Anonymous]

Most people know men under 30 tend to be very immature.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

Can immaturity ever be charming?

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

My girlfriend is older than me, whenever I took her younger sister who is 14 years younger somewhere people assumed we were together and we got compliments.
Her sister is more attractive. And we got those nods of approval from random people when we went out to grab a bite ro eat or something, we get uncomfortable looks from both women and men when my older girlfriend and I go out. I’m starting to look her age in the face now because I’ve been working hard I’m still alright but my body is like a 22 yr old athlete its not a stretch for me to be with someone 14 years younger. And this was a majority Hispanic area (none of us 3 are though) so they are more traditional and older men with women at least 10 years younger are almost the norm.

Its historically normal, men start to acquire skills money and resources as they get older.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

an in traditional communities there’s something wrong with the man who doesn’t want kids and yet he’s with an older woman, is it because he can’t make enough money on his own? Why does he want kids? These are all questions that go through peoples minds and traditional communities, now in my community it would just be like oh he can’t do any better than her, or they must have cute love story of how they met

[abc3643]

They shouldn't.

Women dating men younger than them has happened for generations.
Both my grandmothers were older than my grandfathers, albeit by less than a year.
My buddy's wife is over 9.5 years older than him. My wife is 5.5 years older than me.
Macron's stepdaughter is older than him!

[abc3643]

LOL... You said "cougar" and could not help but be reminded of this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4qtuGmyZoI

[abc3643]

Slightly better quality...
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x8uv7na

[MK1997]

I thought it was more common for men to be older? At least where I am from in Slovakia.

[abc3643]

@MK1997 Men being older is more common. However, very often, the wife is older than the husband. The first First Lady, Martha Washington, was older than the first President George Washington by about a year.

[MK1997]

I am talking about big gaps though 5 plus years

[abc3643]

@MK1997 Sure, big gaps do exist. Plenty of times.
As I mentioned:

My buddy whose wife is over 9.5 years older than him.

Me, whose wife is 5.5 years older.

Emmanuel Macron, President of France, whose wife is over 25 years older than him. Her daughter from her previous marriage is older than Macron!

Also...

County music star Randy Travis was married for almost 20 years to a woman who was 18 years older than him.

These are the ones that I can think of off the top of my head, but there are many other instances of this.

www.buzzfeed.com/.../famous-women-who-dated-younger

[MK1997]

Those are pedophile relationships where the woman is that much older as you shown in your last two posts. That's not normal and they are in the minority. I know it's your thing, but such relationships are in the minority.

[abc3643]

@MK1997 They are the minority, yes, but it's not a pedophile thing at all.

Here: Maybe this will help...

A lot of young women marry men considerably older because 1) he's more established, 2) he knows more, and 3) he's MORE MATURE and not a fucking idiot ruled by his hormones.

Well, the same can be said the other way as well. I wouldn't touch any girl under 25 and I knew women that age who've said to me "I can't believe how immature I was." That experience and maturity is a selling point. After all, pussy is pussy but young pussy is expensive with all the drama and bullshit that comes with immaturity and inexperience. If you marry older, hopefully, there's a lot less of that.

[MK1997]

The relationship you showed me where the woman was older were pedophile relationships. Both Macron and that country singer were under 18 at the time and under power of the older woman. They were groomed into it.

[abc3643]

@MK1997 Oh Jesus Christ, give it a rest.

Sure, the relationship between Travis and his wife might seem like grooming, but it is more like she was an ersatz mother figure to him so, in his youthful ignorance, he felt satisfied with her and married her. They WERE married for almost 20 years.

With Macron, it's the opposite of grooming... HE wanted her since she was his student! He never gave that up despite her not falling for her. Well, after her previous marriage ended, Macron STILL wanted her and so they got married. She never groomed him; he just never gave up his pursuit of her.

[abc3643]

* HE was HER student.

[MK1997]

Exactly in the first scenario she took advantage of his naivety and ignorance that's grooming.

With macron it was her who pursued him. She even said to her parents she can't let go of him. That's totally predatory and grooming. There was a huge power balance especially as she was his teacher.

You can say what you want but you can't defend these pedo relationships and you only defend them because it's an older woman which is pathetic and prejudiced

[blueonblack22]

First off I am happy for you. And nobody should judge you or him for what you have. What you got going on is totally fine.

With that said older men dating (legally aged) younger women get judged with much harsher stereotypes nowadays compared to decades ago. It is at least assumed they are sugar daddies which can be true but not always

Anyway you don’t like being called “a cougar”? How would you like being called “a groomer” or “an old creep” or worse?

[razelove]

Congratulations. You aren't doing anything illegal, so I don't see the problem, and tell anyone else to go fuck themselves. If I was with a younger woman who was loyal to me and we were building a life together, anyone else could eat shit and die.

Same with if it was an older woman, that's between me and her as long as we're consenting adults.

[Anonymous]

is the judgement harsher though?

older women get called milfs and cougars while younger men get called lucky

the reverse is judged more harshly

older men get called creeps and predators while younger women get called victims of grooming

[DrPepper12]

It's straight up misogyny and people can't MYOB!! I'm happy for both of you and congrats!!!

"Ignore the people who criticize you if you wouldn't go to them for advice"

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Lol I believe silver fox and all are for celebrities.
Other than that it's same for the average Joe's

Money buys you respect that's all it is.

Also in any case men know their boundaries and don't fiddle much with someone else personal matter.

[LiamJHayden]

It goes against the norms. I have dealt with it all my dating life. Even dating a woman five years older often gets her "robbing the cradle" comments. It is asinine.

[Anonymous]

Men who date younger women with an age range like that are often thought of as "borderline pedophiles". What do you mean?

Just look at any conversation around who Leonardo Dicaprio dates. He goes for 18 year olds and dumps them when they reach 25 for another 18 year old. It's shitty for other reasons but it doesn't make sense to call him a pedophile.

[Vampirelover_12]

Because he is dating you for your money. Knowing today's males.

[MasterKS]

Well done for your courage! Just be what you are and enjoy people never stop tagging so better just fuck them off and enjoy your life! I bet you are so happy!

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Where is Crimsy xD

[noohair]

The double standard at work.