Who gets judged more harshly in society. Men who date much younger women OR women who date much younger men?

Question

When I say “ younger” I mean legally younger of course. The whole male vs female sexual predator thing can be a different topic/poll.

On the surface I personally observed that it’s more “woke” and PC nowadays to trash on older men dating much younger women as creeps while propping older women who date young men as “free minded and attractive cougars”.

However I think most people quietly judge older women more harshly than older man. Reason being is that older men have been marrying much younger women all through human history (especially if they were political/powerful). Facetious as it sounds there was a time if an older man could land a much younger attractive woman it meant he REALLY had something going for him. He was looked at as very alpha/successful: It could be fame, money, looks, special talents, etc but something about him very attractive to females despite his age.

It’s also considered more natural from an evolutionary aspect that older woman might not be as attractive to younger men due to fertility issues. Most men don’t even consciously realize that they often judge attraction on the perceived fertility of the woman they really attractive.

Again people usually don’t go around saying that above publicly because it’s “sexist” and draw them feminist ire. However it’s the ugly truth.

Select gender and age to cast your vote:

Updates

+1 y

I’m close to 40. But in the last 10 years almost all the women I dated were in their early to mid 20s. I recently had a fling with a 22 yr old college senior but we both agreed to keep it on the DL.

I’ve treated all these young women well. I just find it shitty that some people try to shame me. These women are all legally adults.

Updates

+1 y

Also I’m not against dating women closer to my age. But some the worst dating experiences I’ve had in my life were with women in their 30s. It’s like they think that acting like a pain in the ass somehow makes them look/feel younger.

modelUN242 · Accepted Answer

Men who date much younger women get judged harshly. I do find older women who date younger guys pretty creepy. I think the man being older than the woman is more natural and in many cultures, it's the norm. Also, the biological clock of the woman makes it so the peak fertility for her is 16 - 30ish while the guy's range is much larger.

Feminists don't take into account logic and think it's oppressive that older men prefer younger women. But hello? The younger women are the ones who chose the older men, no one chained and forced them to it. Also, younger women are less jaded than the older ones, so that's why the guy might prefer them.

aarnasen · Accepted Answer

If we are talking about younger, then women get judged more harshly. If we're talking about MUCH younger, then men get judged more openly. Women get judged too, but its not as outspoken and remains a subject of private gossip.

Anonymous · Answer

Hmm... I guess it depends on what "judging" entails. Men are more likely to be judged as predatory and gross, but older women are more likely to be judged as less attractive based on looks, compared to younger women the young guy could be dating.

However, older women/younger men are becoming more and more acceptable, so some of that is changing. I'd say among the wealthy, it doesn't matter as much. There are plenty of examples of young celeb men dating older celeb women. I think people who are in the normal class range may be more hesitant to break out of the norm of older man-younger woman, but I've still seen more of it happening. Granted, I have only lived in very liberal cities and currently live in one of the most liberal cities on earth. That may affect how often I'm seeing these couples around.

There are actually some biological reasons that an older woman who still wants children would choose a younger man. I agree that it's common in our ancestry for older men to be chosen for resources, wealth, security. However, biologically, men's sperm deteriorate over time and carry a higher risk for birth defects. Older women who can still have children, but want increased chances of getting pregnant with healthy children, benefit from being with younger men. That plus looks, strength, full head of hair, sexual stamina, among other things. That last point deserves an exclamation mark, because men tend to have decreased libido with age, while women's libido increases, especially if she hasn't had children yet in 30s/40s. Younger guys probably match up more with older women in terms of sex drive, one major reason the cougar thing is attractive to many.

I mean, there are many sexist ideas that fuel the older man, young woman dynamic. Sexist ideas about beauty that are not purely evolutionary but heavily socialized, sexist ideas about gender roles within relationships, etc. Not sure you can get around that, even if there are also understandably innate drives that contribute to it as well. There are a lot of older men who prey on young women because they're easier to impress, control, and they can get away with more. Older women have higher standards. I saw it when my friends dated older men when we were 18 and I see it now in some of the ways men explain their preferences or when young women describe their relationships to me with older men. I don't envy the quality of most "older man/teen to early 20s women" couples I've seen. Fun seems to be the biggest element for most of them. Beyond that, things seem to wane, if that was even the intention to begin with.

I remember what it was like being 18-25. I was still developing maturity, sense of self, learning about boundaries, respect, emotional abuse, etc. And that's coming from one who considered herself far more mature than her peers. I was still a child in many ways, psychologically. That kind of person is much easier to manipulate and impress, the power dynamic are usually skewed in a specific direction.

IronLady6354 · Answer

I'm married to a man 16 years younger than me and I can tell you I've been judged quite a bit by a lot of people over it. I've gotten (and get called) a "cougar" pretty frequently. I've grown to despise that term. Firstly, it implies that the older woman is pursuing ("on the prowl") for the younger man at least in large part to "pounce" on him sexually. This is not true. Firstly, my husband was the one who began pursing me and I was original very hesitant because I was concerned about the age gap (I obviously latter got over that). Secondly, the relationship isn't just a fetishized sexual thing. Yes, we have sex, but there's a lot more to the relationship than that. Also, hen the roles are reversed and an older man dates a younger woman what does he get called? What's the male equivalent of "cougar'? (answer: there is none)
Anyways, when we were dating I had plenty of people who warned us that if we were to stay together, we may never have a “normal” life. I'm not saying that people view older men dating way younger women as "normal" exactly, but they viewed it as a lot more normal than our relationship. I can promise you a guy dating a girl 16 years younger wouldn't have gotten those warnings.
The one thing that was kind of legitimate that we got because of our age gap was lots of people telling him he'd never be able to be a dad if he stayed with me. It is true that after a certain point a woman can't have kids, but I'm not that old. There are plenty of women my age who have kids. I also told him that I was interested in having more. To the surprise of a lot of people I got pregnant 3 months before the wedding.
I think people are a lot more likely to judge an older woman-younger man relationship as bein doomed to failure. However, my relationship with him has been way better than pretty much all the guys I dated who were my age (which was all of them before him).

Leavesbound · Answer

I am of the opinion that men in general are judged more harshly for any deviation from typical behavior. Women are usually viewed by society as more vulnerable than men and so therefore if an 18 year old woman dates a 30 year old man she is often viewed as the victim of someone who is almost a pedophile but when an older woman dates a younger guy she is often viewed as a benevolent sex educator or as some people say, a cougar. At 19 I dated a 43 year old woman. Best relationship of my life and I regret that it ended. My grandmother was 16 when she married my grandfather who was 36 at the time. They were happily married for 52 years and had 5 kids. The romance began when she was 14 and he proposed when she was 15. That was common 100+ years ago. Today he'd end up dying in prison.

Anonymous · Answer

I love older men! maybe they get judged most I think. Its annoying how they get nervous to approach or when they enjoy your company, get self conscious. I'm 18 and have talked to some older guys (not sleeping around with all of them, but dating and making out, touching with them). The guy I was dating before got self conscious when older women gave us looks or stares. Some of them even commented on how I'm too young! Thats so rude in my opinion, I don't know. I'm sensitive about it because older men are my preference. Call it daddy issues or whatever, but I love love love men 30+, especially in 30s and 40s. Theyre honestly more attractive in that age group a lot of times. But also, maturity and I feel more comfortable with them taking the lead and teaching me things. They can take care of a girl so much better. The young guys still need time to grow up for the role that us girls like guys to play. I don't know why its a turn on sexually too but it is. Ex would call me "daddys little girl" and smack me on the butt in private or when no one was looking or could hear in public. major turn on. I just wish he was that confident about it in public. Let the old women stare at us, idc! Just started talking to a new guy who is 37 now and we are still getting to know each other. I hope he's the type to flaunt his young girl when the bitchy vibes come our way. life is too short!

I see myself marrying a guy while I'm pretty young and he's much older. As an older guy, I would love your opinion. Would 18 be too young for you? Would my age be a weakness when competing with older women who know more and have more experience and more in common with you?

The_Maphio · Answer

It's the same really. Men who date much younger women and the other way around are usually fingered as "those who go around fucking people the age of their children". So really, if some broad is going to try and play the victim card again, she'd be sorely mistaken in her ridiculous bias.

Sarahr123 · Answer

In Asian cultures it is praised for a man to be older by up to ten years. For instance if a girl is 21 and a boy is 27 then people see it as such a beautiful age gap and they think it’s cute whereas if a girl is even two years older like for instance 31(M) and 33(F) then people will say “omg he is dating a woman his mum’s age” or he is marrying someone like his mother. But even if a man if 15 or 20 years older than a girl then it’s cute and nobody will say a man who is with a girl 20 years his junior is with someone young enough to be his kid.

It all depends on culture. I find White people tend to bash men more for going for younger girls whereas Asians and Black people prefer men to be older.

I personally have always preferred men older and I would be reluctant to be in a serious relationship with someone even just a few months younger than me.

Anonymous · Answer

Men by far.
I don't see society really having a problem with women dating younger. Most people are like "whatever, good for them I guess".
With older men dating younger, there's this suspicion that gets attached to you. Some predatory vibe which makes people feel like someway, somehow, you MUST be taking advantage of her. Whether women find you attractive is a part of it. Like if you're attractive to other women and they see you're dating an attractive girl then they're like "okay, I get it", but if they decide you're not that attractive then they see the same thing as something predatory.

seanras · Answer

Women who date much younger men. Men who date much younger women will be seen as going for what they are biologically okay being attracted to.

Women who date much younger men will be seen as women who are stopping him from dating younger women, who are better looking.

This double standard exists because a man's status doesn't go down with age, if anything it may go up. But a woman's status in the dating world is mainly based on her physical attractiveness, so if she's keeping the man from physically more attractive (young) girls, it won't be seen as nice.

You ever see Elon Musk is out there dating a model who probably knows nothing about electric cars or rocket technology? Because she's a model and he's a genius, billionaire entrepreneur. Can you show me a female CEO dating a male model? The dynamic between men and women is what dictates this.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

I am 34 and have an 18 year old girlfriend. People say shit. I just assume its them being salty and jealous. Because it sounds similar to how people talk about my success giving me shit about being wealthy. Plus some of the girls are like 25-35 and give me a hard time, but then they try and hit on me and sleep with me. So I can't take their criticism about how "unattractive" i am seriously or else why they trying to get with me? LMAO

nella965 · Answer

Lets be honest right here.

The typical average 40 yr old man would have absolutely nothing in common with a 22 yr old. Vast differences in maturity, life experience, knowledge, perspective on life would really impede your ability to relate to someone so much younger.

There is a very high chance you were with her simply because she was hot or good in bed.

likelyOK · Answer

Not matter the answer it’s the opposite sex some men judge the women more, usually women judge the men more.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

I think women get more looks when they date younger because its more unusual, but guys get more hate for dating younger because its presumed that he is taking advantage of her but no one presumes an older woman is taking advantage of a younger guy (they just think its weird but they don't think their is nefarious intentions involved).

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Not really had any problems, the odd snarky remark at a bbq but that’s it.

even going out with a girls mates, then had pretty much no comments.

potentially it’s a culture and country thing.

tolerance of things does change between countries.

just look at sexuality or dating outside your ethnicity or religion.

I guess any country that has issues with those, will react stronger with any age focused things.

anon1903 · Answer

I can't honestly tell.

The only thing I can say on this matter is Lolita concept is screwing us with all. Just cuz you're dating somebody younger doesn't make you a parasite. Or you like "exploiting" the "naïveté". There are a lot of people under eighteen that I know of that are way more sensible than you and me, today's youth wants to learn from experiences.

Arabella_Rose · Answer

Quite honestly , I don't respect gold diggers who only date rich, wealthy successful men. I also do not respect sex diggers who only date girls that are 18-25. Because it just reeks of shallowness. You also have to keep in mind that 18-25 yr old women usually are looking to play the field rather than looking to get married and settle down.

JSmuve · Answer

Definitely men get crapped on more. Especially by women. On a related note, where are you meeting these younger women?

Avicenna · Answer

Interesting question. Here's one finding:

Redred56 · Answer

I’m finding, I date more of what comes out of their mouth. For instance I dated a real
hot young. I guess maybe old for some of you? 35 YO. But on the intelligence side. Nope. So it’s a no go for me. Plus I’ve met younger that are smart as can be too.
then there is those my age (I prefer (knowledgeable)).

karaspara · Answer

Probably women purely because it’s rarer despite all the talk of cougars nowadays

Anonymous · Answer

you see online, men are more likely to get arrest for pedophilla but if a female teacher sleeps with a student, everyone is all "oh but he probably wanted it" all of a sudden. It's very unfair.

Who gets judged more harshly in society. Men who date much younger women OR women who date much younger men?

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