Why do women who date/fall in love with younger men get judged so harshly (and much more so than when the gender age gap is reversed)?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now. He's about 14 years younger than me. I was super hesitant at first because I was worried about him being so much younger (the youngest guy I dated before was about a year younger than me). However, after I gave him a real chance I fell head over heals for him. Moreover, we have an absolutely amazing relationship and are super compatible with one another. We deeply love and support one another.

However, one thing that honestly does really bother me is that we (especially me) get judged all the time by others for the age difference. It's fairly common for us to get some weird stares when we hold hands in public or people find out we're a couple. II really hate it when people call me a 'cougar'. It implies some strange desperate older woman in a midlife crisis actively 'hunting'/ looking to take advantage of a younger man as a sort of 'boytoy'. It also strongly implies real love or a real long term happy relationship can't seriously happen between the two of them. Moreover, it's actually really sexist. There's no term for an older man who dates a younger woman. If an older man was dating a woman 14 years younger they'd get a lot less judgement and headache than we're getting.

Why do people judge older women who date younger men so harshly? Why do you think we get so much harsher judgement than older men who date younger women

Side note: The one thing I do more or less get is when people assume I'm uninterested or unable to have more kids (although I'm 39, so I'm not that old). However, both of those things are not true

[TruthBringer]

You're wrong if you think that men don't experience this on the same level. Men who date younger women also get harsh criticisms. Being called a "groomer", "sugar daddy" or even more idiotically, a "pedophile" (despite the woman being of adult age). And calling the younger woman a "gold digger" or claim she suffers from "Stockholm Syndrome". All this BULLSHIT often comes from women in their 30s above. Who are envious of younger and more desirable women, which make them feel like having an inferiority complex.

The difference is that it is less common for an older woman to date a younger man. Whereas older men are known to want to date younger women. This has a BIOLOGICAL explanation. Because generally speaking, women tend to go for men who are (slightly) older than they are. This has to do with the fact that an older man is more experienced and more capable of providing than a man who is in the same age range as the woman. Girls tend to mature faster physically compared to boys. Meaning that girls tend to enter puberty faster than boys. That tells you that they are 'meant' to mate with someone who is already mature and not her fellow peers. At least according to mother nature that is.

In the end, two CONSENTING ADULTS who are happy dating each other is no one's business. I would say that you have to get used to the judgments of people. People will judge regardless of how you choose to go through life. And you have to learn to just let it pass like water under the bridge. In the end, it is you who is holding hands with your man, regardless if he is younger or not. As long as it is legal and consenting, you shouldn't stop yourself from living the life you want.

If I happen to be older and single, you can bet I will try my luck with a younger woman above the age of 18. And I couldn't give a rat's ass about what people think.

[RavVid]

There is a term for an older guy with a younger girl hanging off his arm. It's Silver Fox. A lot more complimentary than cougar or cradle snatcher. And you are right an older woman with a younger guy is judged differently to the reverse. I'm just told I am doing well.

My family has always had long generations. The average age difference has been 15 years between wife and husband. Currently I am the all time record holder holder back to about 1700. Yes, I have done a spreadsheet analysis.

Yes, people have assumed my partner is my daughter.

My advice is to be unashamed.

The main thing is to enjoy your partner unalloyed. That's the big thing you have to offer. Your're older, not so hung up and more willingly to enjoy somebody for who they are.

BUT always recognize you may be required to let them go without animosity. I think Cat Stevens said it it best in this. Just mentally change the genders.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Jta56wBl7SM

[77five]

Ew you're 29…how young is your girlfriend?

[liligigi]

The good news is that you only get judged by people who are miserable in their lives. People who are truly happy, don't have the time nor the desire to judge people. Why do people judge? Because you're triggering something in them that they can't deal with or unaware of. In your case, your triggering their deep patriarchal conditioning where women must be the vulnerable ones in the relationship. Women must be younger, shorter, slimmer, earn less money, less successful, etc, than their partner. We're not "supposed" to be more than anything than the partner. It's so deeply ingrained in our cultures, and beliefs that we don't even notice it.

You're also triggering their lack of freedom. People who are judging you wish that they have your freedom to date and be with whoever they want. But since people who judge are also the ones who are the most afraid of judgement, they don't dare to pursue their true desires. Instead, they just follow a mediocre, vapid life, that'll protect them from being judged.

Enjoy your relationship and ignore the haters! ;)

[Anonymous]

I think the majority of people doesn’t care unless is women that like your man. I’ve been dating a guy who is 5 years younger than me and just like you, I was hesitant about it but his persistence won. It’s been a very different experience because as time passes, I see no one really cares but women who find him attractive would always through comments like “you are better looking than her”, “does she treat you like her son?”, “why are you into someone much older than you?” And I am amazed that his responses always shuts down any denigrating perspectives towards me, the guy has been raised right. If the two of you enjoy what you have, age is not a problem.

[LovingLoverReturned]

That's super sumb of those women and they are obviously just jealous. 5 years is nothing and definitely not even close to parent-child age gap

[LovingLoverReturned]

Dumb*

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with your statement, but unfortunately that’s how females react when you have someone and something they don’t have in their lives. For a while I wanted to ignore that there are women who have the need to bring down other women to feel better. So I learned not to give an F about what they say or do, what matters is how confident I am, and feel about the relationship we are building.

[Avicenna]

There's always people who judge (and I can tell you from personal experience that there are plenty of people judging older guys who date much younger women). It's your lives and you're both adults, so ignore these fools or tell them to mind their own business.

[Haha456]

there is no real future to those kinds of relationships. Because you can't grow old with someone who is already old.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: Well, no one is suggesting you date someone 70 when you're 20, but someone 15-20 years younger than you may not necessarily outlive you, especially of you take care of yourself and your partner doesn't.

[Haha456]

someone 15-20 years younger might not outlive you? are you kidding? do you really think the vast majority of 50 yr olds won't outlive a 70 yr old?

plus what are the chances of someone being happy being married to a 65-70 yr old by the time they hit the age of 50?

other 50 yr olds are still happily fucking and traveling. you're stuck in the nursing home changing your spouse's diapers, helping him go on his walk and making sure he doesn't forget taking his medications.
this is the reality of marrying someone you can't grow old with

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: LOL, you haven't been around too many 65-70 year olds. The ones I know are very healthy and very active. You'll actually find that most of them are survivors. My father ran a marathon when he was 72.

[Haha456]

yea... how many 70 yr olds are running marathons? most would be lucky to be able to walk normally at that age.

[Haha456]

you're 50. let me force you into a marriage with a senior citizen aged 70 right now and lets see how happy you will be.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: Marathons, probably not that many, but I see lots of people that age who look very healthy and nothing like the stereotype you have.

[Haha456]

most people who marry spouses too much older tend to end up regretting it eventually.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: That can happen no matter what your age.

[Haha456]

happens the most when you're married to someone you can't grow old with. why would you marry someone you can't grow old with? are you just looking for a temporary husband?

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: People split up for any number of reasons. And especially if someone is relatively young, they shouldn't necessarily expect to grow old with someone. You say it's hopeless, but given that people split up for lots of reasons independent of age, I don't think you can conclusively say that.

[Avicenna]

And as to your comment about dating a 70 year old woman, I plan to be working into my 80s. Most 70 year old women don't work, so what sense does it make for me to date someone who isn't working when I still am? Furthermore, I'd like to have some more kids. Kind of hard to do that with a 70 year old, isn't it?

[Haha456]

what makes you think a 50 yr old woman won't still be working while you're stuck in the nursing home at 70 ? Its very easy to say you're gonna work until 80, but you'd probably be lucky if you don't need a cane at that age.

its also not a matter of if you can still work, its the matter of will the employer want you to work? old people make bad workers. they're slow, eyesight is fading, struggle to move efficiently, make more mistakes, harder of hearing, slow in learning new skills, slower reaction times, less clear when speaking due to aging changes in the teeth.

who wants to fuck a 70-80 yr old any ways? only a matter of time before your wife starts cheating on you with a man who can actually fuck.

[Haha456]

its quite hilarious how you don't want to date a 70 yr old, YET you assume 50 yr old women would enjoy dating a 70 yr old. I guess its a double standard that doesn't apply to others.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: I don't assume anything of the sort. Of course most prefer not to, I'm just saying it's doable and not as awful as you claim it is.

And as for your assumptions about the way people age, you must be living under a rock. There are lots of people over 70 still exercising and enjoying life. People that age are usually in much better physical condition than people that age were when I was a teenager.

My father is 80 and still works full time. He doesn't bear any resemblance to your stereotypes. I plan to be doing consulting or have my own business, but I don't assume that I wouldn't have an employer. I take care of myself. And a lot of people will never be able to retire for financial reasons, so you will see a lot more older people working in the decades to come.

[Haha456]

You just said that most 70 yr olds do not work so you don't want to date them. so you're basically confirming what I said is true. vast majority of 70 yr olds cannot work, cannot move, cannot fuck which is why you won't date them.

now you want to change your story and say that most 70 yr olds are very active.

double standards do not exist. if you aren't happy being married to a 70 yr old right now, your wife won't be happy with you once you hit 70. she will start cheating on you soon as your dick goes limp

[Haha456]

I personally know of a 50 yr old woman with a 85 year old husband. she married him 30 years ago for money. She had a boyfriend who died 2 years ago from covid at the age of 47. They have been dating for 10 years before he died. Just last year, her elderly husband also died. She inherited all his 4 houses. She took care of her elderly husband for many years while she was dating another man.

like I said, you're not gonna be happy married to a senior citizen. Its only a matter of time

[Haha456]

nobody cares if you still "work" at 80. if your dick stops working at 60. or if you can't even walk in the walk without her stopping for her senior citizen husband. or if you look like a wrinkly saggy POS

do you think anyone finds that stuff attractive?

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: You have a very difficult time understanding anything that doesn't fit your preconceived notions.
So you know someone who was in that situation. OK, with a 35 year age gap, that's more likely to occur, but that's not comparable to what I was talking about, which was a 15-20 year age difference. Nor is that determinative for all relationships with an age difference.

A 70 year old in really good shape for their age will be in better shape than a lot of 50 year olds, maybe even most. The older you get, the greater the variance.

I play flag football with guys half my age or even less in some cases. Does that mean every guy my age can? No, but if you take care of yourself, you can physically keep up with much younger people, at least if you can avoid serious injuries.

There is a big difference between people wanting to work and doing so and people who have retired. And being retired doesn't mean you're physically unable to work, including volunteering.

[Avicenna]

And at the end of the day, this woman got what she wanted, and apparently her husband did too. If consenting adults are getting what each wants, then who are we to judge?

[Haha456]

People are still having sex and traveling and doing things in their 50s. Not many people do that in their 70s. Just being honest. Most peolpe in their 70s find it difficult to even move. You would be glad you can still walk at that age without a cane. It won't be surprising if you have a cane at that age. Many people do.

It really does not need to be 35 year age differnece in order for trouble to start. A 15 yr age differnece is enough to make a huge rift between two people.

Imagine staying in a sexless marriage, being stuck with someone you're completely not attracted to , someone who you can't walk with at the park without slowing down for them, someone you can no longer do things with. You still want to travel, boat, hike yet your spouse simply is not in the mood for that. As people get older, they become less active.

Argue with it all you want. This is the truth.

[Haha456]

[There is a big difference between people wanting to work and doing so and people who have retired. And being retired doesn't mean you're physically unable to work, including volunteering.]

seniors volunteer because they are bored with too much time on their hands, not because they have the strength and endurance to hold onto a job.

[Haha456]

The bigger the age gap, the shorter the marriage

nypost.com/.../

It appears that the change happens slowly and has a lot to do with a lack of marital satisfaction. It declines over time. At first, both people feel satisfied. As they grow older, the older person still expresses satisfaction, but the younger person tends not to get as much from the union anymore. This eventually pushes the couple to seek a divorce when the relationship stops working

www.weinmanfamilylaw.com/.../

[Haha456]

That initial satisfaction erodes rapidly, however, after 6-10 years of marriage for the couples with a big age gap between the partners.

"Over time, the people who are married to a much older or younger spouse tend to have larger declines in marital satisfaction over time compared to those who are married to spouses who are similar in age," said McKinnish, who is also a research associate at the Institute of Labor Economics (IZA) in Germany.

One mechanism for this decline could be how the age difference between spouses affects the couple's ability to respond to negative economic shocks, such as a job loss, McKinnish said.

"We looked at how couples respond to negative shocks and in particular, if they have a major bad economic shock or worsening of their household finances," she said. "We find that when couples have a large age difference, that they tend to have a much larger decline in marital satisfaction when faced with an economic shock than couples that have a very small age difference."

phys.org/.../...usal-age-gap-affects-marriage.html

[Haha456]

95%
When the couple has a 20-year age gap, the likelihood of divorce rises to 95%. A 30-year age difference means a whopping 172% chance of divorce. So the bigger the age gap, the higher the chance of divorce.

www.unhappymarriage.info/.../

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: I don't know what sort of people you're around who are in their 70s and can barely move, but that doesn't bear relation to reality for most people in their 70s, and that's something you can go observe for yourself. And I'm pretty sure your crystal ball is faulty if you think I'll need a cane to get around then.
And according to you, people in their 70s do not travel. What alternate planet do you live on?

Great source to cite a divorce lawyer... seriously?

[Haha456]

you just said you didn't want to date a 70 yr old cuz most of them are too old to work.

doesn't that prove what I'm saying is right?

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: That is not what I said. I said most of them were no longer working, which means they will want to date someone else who is not working, rather than someone who consistently works well over 40 hours a week.
And unless you have figured out how a 70 year old woman can give birth naturally, someone who wants to have kids obviously isn't going to date one.

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

Regardless if someone worked or not, it wouldn't make a difference. What would make a difference in a relationship is someone's level of energy, activity, vitality. Senior citizens live off of social security, 401k, bank savings. It really won't matter if they worked or not.

You were implying that you're not interested in 70 yr olds because they simply do not have the energy to take up a job.

Well guess what?

if you're not happy being married to a 70-year-old at 50, don't be surprised if other 50 yr old women aren't happy with you when you hit 70. Don't think the double standards do not apply to you.

As you can already see, there is significant evidence that marriages with huge age gaps tend to divorce more. The pattern is: the bigger the age gap, the higher the likelihood of divorce

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: I said nothing about energy levels of 70 year olds- you keep misrepresenting what I said to fit your preconceived notions despite me pointing out to you multiple times that you're doing that.
I will say again: just because a person is 70 years old does not mean that they don't have enough energy to work, and whether someone is employed is not determined by their energy levels, unless you think unemployed people 18-30 also have energy levels that are too low for them to work.

And this will probably come as a surprise to you, but not all 70 year olds have savings or a 401k.

As for what I'll be like physically at age 70, none of us knows for sure. I might be as you're assuming I'll be. But I think the odds are against it. And if 50 year old women aren't interested in me at that point in my life, I won't be worried about it. I'll have grandkids and I'll have my professional life.

[Haha456]

we all know thats what you meant.
because it really wouldn't matter if the 70 yr old had a job or not. Many people retire with hundreds of thousands or even millions in their bank accounts. Some people retire at 45. People retire because they can afford to retire.

we all know you meant energy, not money

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: Keep telling yourself that.

[Haha456]

you said what you already said... don't try to go back to change it.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: LMAO. Keep dreaming

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

you can't grow old with someone who is already old. its a fact. At some point, the fun will dim , the good days will be over.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: Interestingly, you also assume that the younger person is the picture of good health, which isn't always the case.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: Incidentally, the last woman I dated who was born the same year I was is now undergoing chemo (I dated her when we were in our early 20s). You just never know.

[Haha456]

so you're saying that all younger spouses in huge age gap relationships should look forward to dying earlier so they dont have to outlive their much older spouses?

doesn't sound like a good way to live.

they're better off marrying someone closer to their own age

[Haha456]

Being 15-20 years younger than your elderly spouse likely means you will spend your remaining 15-20 years dying alone. It is worse for women because Women tend to live longer than men. If your husband is 15-20 years older than you, get ready to spend the remaining 15 to 35 years of your life dying alone. Is it worth it?

like i said, there is no benefit to marrying significantly older. Only consequences.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456; So now you're not just an actuary, you're Nostradamus. make sure you date those 18 year olds!

@TruthBringer: Guess who's back...

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

I"m pretty sure you're the only one trying to date 18 yr olds.

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: And you know this how? By stalking me?
You're the one obsessed with age, so it's obviously you trying to do that.

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

nobody obsesses over 18 yr old girls more than you.

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

I think you're obsessed with dating 18 yr old girls. Despite all the data that shows the failures of marriages with large age gaps, you still pretend you don't see it.

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

repeated rants about how you will never age or constant talk about how younger spouses should look forward to dying earlier so they don't have to outlive their old spouses by 40 years.

there's nobody more obsessed with 18 yr old girls than you on GAG. you have no idea how ridiculous you sound.

[TruthBringer]

@Avicenna You know she is trying to compensate for the lack of attention her daddy gave her by arguing with random men online, right? Just block and ignore. Attention is their oxygen.

[TruthBringer]

@Avicenna Also, I got with my girlfriend when she was 18. Dating them young is the best. Far better than dating a 30 year old just about to exit her prime

[Haha456]

@truthbringer

very nice to see you back... unblock me so we can talk.

[Avicenna]

@TruthBringer: Oh, yeah, I know what it is for her. She can't get an older guy in real life so she has to come on GAG for attention with her 50 duplicate accounts. Her maturity level is about age 14.

I wouldn't date an 18 year old, though. I did when I was in my teens and 20s.

Now she is trying to latch on to you for attention- hilarious!

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

you wouldn't date a 70 yr old yourself yet you like to say every woman wants to date you at 70. how pathetic.

[Haha456]

@Avicenna

I"m not interested in old guys your age. quit your wild delusions. old perverted men like you would say absolutely anything to make yourself feel better about your limp dicks

[Avicenna]

@Haha456: You're delusional and showing signs of serious psychological problems. Go see a shrink.
No one on this Earth wants to date you, no one.

[TruthBringer]

@Avicenna Don't mind the daddy issues girl. She is just suffering from an inferiority complex seeing all these young women in their prime years being far more desirable to men of all ages while she isn't because she is about to hit the wall. The women who are most vocal against men preferring or dating younger women are 99% the ones who are above 30. That's why they also often talk down at younger women, calling them "children". It's obvious envy.

And yeah, the fact this is her 100th account already goes to show that she has some mental issues. Always coming back on this website with some new account just to argue with the same people she despises, yet can't help but crave attention of. As I said, just block and let her drown in her femcel misery.

[Pinay_ako]

That’s just how society thinks! At the end of the day, if he makes you happy and you make him, that’s all that counts. Who are we to judge who you choose to love? Both of you are adults and know what you’re doing. I wish you both happiness 💕

[Guy13]

No one really cares what another does in this area. People like to gossip snd are bored…

[Asker]

People care enough to say rude things, talk behind our backs, and judge us/our relationship.

[Guy13]

That’s called gossip. They don’t really care as long as it is legal. Seeing you go all crazy is probably why they do it

[Asker]

But they did it before I went crazy. I've gone crazy because I've had to deal with so much of it over my relationship

[Guy13]

Move to next town ⁉️ Disconnect from them ⁉️

[RangerBlue22]

Asker you will never escape criticism no matter what you do in life unless your a hermit or dead. Yeah it hurts but if you are so preoccupied with your image then you got other problems going on.

Chances most these people (especially other middle aged women) are just jealous so f*ck em. Also your boyfriend while a young man is still A MAN nonetheless. He’s staying with you because there is something he sees in you. He can make his own decisions being an adult. And as long as your both happy that matters.

[Haha456]

@Asker

Because quite often other people see things that you do not. Marriages / relationships with large age gaps come with huge consequences regardless of if you like to acknowledge it or not.

[MementoMori_]

Nature.

The natural physiology of men and women is for older men to be attracted to younger women. That is the ideal relative age factor to maximize procreation and successful rearing of children. Like everything else that falls into this category there is some relatively small percentage of the population that deviates from the natural physiology and resulting behaviors. Some people are homosexual, for example, clearly a deviation from what nature intended to ensure the continuation of the species. So, along that same line, some small number of relationships are between an older woman and a younger man.

Now, as to why there is so much repulsion to this... it's for the same reason that there is repulsion to any other deviation from the natural norm. It is human instinct to be repulsed by anything that does not conform to what nature intended. In the case of homosexuality, or older woman, younger man relationships, both behaviors interfere with the natural maximization of procreation which is necessary for the survival of the species. And so people have a built-in instinctual natural aversion to this that comes from millions of years of evolution.

You can call it unfair, but it's only unfair if nature is unfair.

[JSmuve]

"There's no term for an older man who dates a younger woman."

- yes there is. It's a called a "creepy old man", per society.

"If an older man was dating a woman 14 years younger they'd get a lot less judgement"

- you must not have been on this site much then. If a guy in his mid-30s wanted to date a girl in her early-20s, you best believe all the little gaglettes would be out with their pink pitchforks ready to call him a desperate man actively looking to take advantage of a younger, naive woman, or calling him a loser who can't get women his own age. Guys get a lot of flack for being attracted to younger women.

In the end, people just love to criticize and control others. It gives them a sense of moral power and they get off on it. It's like picking on another person. It gives them a false sense of superiority by being able to dominate others, in this case dominating your actions and beliefs by imposing theirs onto yours. If they can get you to do what they believe, then that validates their beliefs.

[RangerBlue22]

^^^ very true

[Anonymous]

Well as long as you are both legal adults it’s no one’s business. Let it wear off.

It is true that through history older men usually date younger women and the reverse was very rare. But radical feminism has managed to a limited extent:

1) creep shame older guys who do this (unless he’s very famous/good looking)

2) empower and congratulate older women who date younger men.

I am okay with #2. Reason being is I think it’s much harder for an older woman to seduce a legally younger man than vice versa. So if the younger guy really does have feelings for the older woman it’s genuine.

But as for #1. I have dated a few younger women in my life and I treated them very well. Biggest age gap was when I was 33 and she was 20. It lasted 9 months and didn’t end well (she ghosted me) BUT we had a lot of fun while it lasted.

And of course the only people who verbally judged me were: her mother (which wasn’t a surprise) and MY mother which pissed me off. I treated her well and it wasn’t all about sex. In fact she wanted sex more than I did most of the time. When I tried to make it more of a “real” feeling sharing intimate relationship that turned her off. So f*ck everyone else’s judgment and do what makes YOU happy (just as long as it’s legal of course).

[Lookingforthetruth]

Lol I don't know what reality your living in but that's not the case most of the time. The term cougar is used as a word of endearment for older women who maintains her attractive and people don't bat an eye when she chooses to date younger. Even porn today is oversaturated and popularized with Step-mom/step-son scenarios or Milfs sleeping with younger men. Lastly, female pedophiles are often treated less harshly by society and get lighter sentences compared to their male counterpart. This often occurs because most people are of the belief that the male victim wasn't sexual assaulted due to being aroused.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/hlb9LtF4DoM

Meanwhile, men who date younger are constantly hounded by both men and women as being "immature" , "creepy" or "predators" for dating women that are younger. And the animosity comes from both men and women. It comes from women because it means less QUALITY dating options for her; usually the men that can date younger are a catch. And the hatred from men comes about because these older men are envious of this male's ability to do date younger without resorting to escort/prostitutes. While younger men lash out due to these older guy "stealing away" potential dating prospects that they believe belong to their generation.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/iQis-tgqcOE

In conclusion, men find women most attractive in their early 20's across all age groups. Usually what deters men from pursuing a relationship with a hot 20 year old often has to do with social influence/pressure on our dating choice, lack of common interest and disparity in real world experience. Female dating down is not frowned on by society but men dating younger is often demonized across the board by both genders.

[MCheetah]

They aren't judged that harshly, but the reason is, because they still expect men to be the breadwinner and "take care of them," when older men (and older women, in today's day and age) should be taking care of themselves. So it seems double-predatory; taking advantage of a man who probably is less wise and weary about life as yo, as well as likely makes less money than you. Not to mention, older women (35+) can't really give him children, so that's possibly a third way she is taking advantage of him.

And no, older man/younger woman is not always seen as a positive, as the same "taking advantage of someone young and naïve" logic applies even more to 18-22 year old women dating men 40+ in age.

I personally don't care about an age gap, as long as they're both legal adults, but this is WHY society may not approve of such an age gap. Based on how strongly GAG recommended this question to me, I think I know 40 year old Asian female wrote this.

[Summeroflove]

Well. The only problem would be if someone was having relations with someone underage.



The truth is. People are jealous. What matters is. If he makes you happy and you make him happy. That’s what counts. It’s your relationship not theirs.


They are free to have their own standards and preferences. But. They shouldn’t judge you. For being with someone you love.


You should never be ashamed of your man. He should never be ashamed of you.


People are going to judge you no matter what you do the truth is. You can’t win with judgmental people.

[Paulalove98]

@summeroflove so true! As long as there's two adults. I am almost 24 and my ex was 18 and i dated him when i was 22 and some people would frown over that. I don't know maybe jealous i looked his age lol. People just have nothing better to do. Her boyfriend must be 25 since she said 14 years apart, Leonardo Dicaprio may be getting some hate but he'd say"as long as she's 18'' this ladies boyfriend is beyond 18! People be exaggerating.

[Summeroflove]

@Paulalove98 oh for sure. If she’s happy then that’s what counts. Many people I think do get jealous and have to find reasons to judge them.

Because either they’re lonely or their relationships all suck…. Now not judging people for that either but possible reasons.

When they see someone happy together. Yup. Nothing better to do. Then frown on people

[Summeroflove]

@Paulalove98 not everyone is like that. But. Judgmental people will ruin your confidence. Because you will never win with them. Many times. They judge because it makes them feel better about themselves.

No matter what you do. They will frown on you

[Paulalove98]

@summeroflove you got a cool open minded attitude! That's so awesome. I used to get bullied but as i grew older i grew thick skin and stayed true to myself. They also can't say women won't date someone their age. I am an example. I like a guy whos almost your age 26 and I'll be 24. My range is 18-28. I feel like sometimes older men dont want thier age cause they always want some 18 year old girl it's creepy.

[Summeroflove]

@Paulalove98 well thanks. I think as you said. Everyone is different in what they want. But I will say. I think as long as both people agree. If a older guy wants to date a younger person whose not underage. I don’t judge.

As long as they aren’t creepy about it

[Summeroflove]

@Paulalove98 as long as the relationship isn’t all about sex and they’re both happy.

[Summeroflove]

@Paulalove98 but. There is plenty of people who I probably wouldn’t see myself dating. Not that I hate them as human beings.

I am happy for them when they find someone who they’re happy with and everyone is happy. I want that for them.

But. Hey. Some get jealous. Like “why is he with her” or “why is she with him”.

[Paulalove98]

Double standards, rudeness, jealousy that the woman can still look hot for her age and she’s a milf. Anyways just live your life. If I’ve learned anything at almost the age of 24 (in 2 weeks lol) I’ve learned that we won’t always impress people in this world and truth is, we aren’t here to anyways and people are bullies, people suck, and have nothing better to do. Wear your crown, rock your beauty and if you like younger men then get it girl! I like guys younger too 18-22. I would still date a guy who’s 18 if I was 25 or 28 probably no more than a 10 year age difference but ignore the haters. Older men literally do it all the time with younger women so I don’t get people getting so offended when it’s the opposite. Just f em lol.

[atiquahbby]

Not denying your experience, but people judge both ways. I reckon for age differences where the man's more than 25 years older, he gets judged for being predatorial. But these types of age differences are rare, so yes for anything less than that kind of age difference the woman gets judged.

While I agree that being a generation older than your partner is predatotial and off limits, it's sad that people like you with age differences like this get judged too. Sad how people don't judge both genders equally.

[sweet-chocolate]

Because people just like giving their opinions when not asked. They also pass judgment on things they have no business being involved. They live by standard societal norms and if you break one of those norms, you'll be considered an outsider. But who cares? Most of them aren't happy with their lives and have amounted to nothing.

So miss ma'am, don't mind what anyone else says. If you are happy then cherish that happiness. What a random person you meet in the street says or thinks about your life is none of your business. Live your life the way you want to. At the end of the day, their judgment doesn't put food on your table or cuddle you on those cold nights.

(Also age is not a number, some people do age gap relationships for all the wrong reasons but if you love that person, for their inner persona then fuck what anyone else says)

[sheenagwapa]

as long as he is not a minor you do you. it's indeed sexist. in my place it's rare i never knew anyone apart from an actress here Miss Ai-ai de las Alas and i don't get attracted at guys younger than me


age is a big tirn off for me. Asian men just like Asian women can look young but are actually old and their preferences like for me an old Asian woman i may look you g but i am just like any other woman for example my favorite tv show manifest i can get beauty inspiration from the teenager character but the guys i wanna date is the dad or the guys who is after michaela. i was never attracted to the daughter's love interesr i may like watchinh riverdake but i don't wanba date the guys on there. but since guys date waay younger women i don't see anything wrong if women do the same. i believe in equality and against gender bias

[Charlesbrandonf]

It’s very simple. When people follow their rule and saw you happy. They want to judge you for being happy. If you’re getting hearts in many peoples life, the jealous ones always find something to make them feel right and you’re wrong. It’s how simply the world goes. Unhappy ones always have something to cry around. You name a thing, and show me people are actually happy about it.


Live for yourself. Society always have something to say. People/society will never be happy for your happiness. You can’t live to convince everyone. One say “god is kind”, another 10 people would say “god killed all the first borns from one second baby to the oldest of human at that times just to prove himself he is right”.


I’m not sure who is right. I don’t want to fight to be right. I want to be happy. You should be happy.

[MysteriousDarkness]

Two people could be born at the same time, on the same day, of the same month and year or be 20+ years in age and get judged. Here are examples of couples that get judged. Two guys, two women, the woman is taller than the guy, one is is fit looking and the other isn't, skin tones are way different etc. Just live your life because there are people who qill judge your relationship if you want them to or not. I am 13 years younger than my girlfriend and hsve been together for a little over 9 years. We were judged more in the beginning than we are now but didn't let that stop us.

[UnknownSwede]

I think it's a few different reasons but they are all rooted in old values.

Traditionally men have been the bread winners and older men tends to be more successful, so it would be natural for a woman to gravitate to someone who is older than them. If you don't want kids right when you meet it's easier for a man to wait when he got a younger girlfriend, since men can be fertile at an older age.
A women who meets a younger man that might not want kids just yet might be past her child bearing age when he wants them.

Another reason is that women's sexuallity has has often been repressed in most societies, historically, which is why it's looked down on for a woman to want a younger and more fertile man when she's no longer of an age to have children.

[UnknownSwede]

It's not personal opinions, but what I think may be the reasons to why it has become this way.
I don't see any problem with people dating with age differences.

[Anonymous]

Well chances are that judgement is coming from other women. Maybe some men too but men aren’t really like that. I mean a lot of us fantasize about older women especially when we’re younger. A lot of the shit women catch from others usually comes from women. That’s why women will never be able to come together to make things better as a whole for theirselves. They say they support each other but talk a lot of shit behind each other’s back. You get older women sometimes who hate on younger women for wearing certain types of clothes or holding certain types of jobs. Men are like fuck I don’t care she looks hot. I myself am w someone else who is older, have been for the last 13 years. As for the term cougar from a man’s perspective it’s kind of a word we see as being hot, not always in all cases. Like a MILF.

[bamesjond0069]

Because most women value a man by his wisdom and being established. You clearly don't so they don't understand what's wrong with you to want him. And men value women by youth and innocence and you clearly have none of that so I wouldn't understand what's so good to date you.

Fact of the matter is there is only one reason why this works out and it's purely sexual. And that's what's skeevy to people.

Hey I'm 16 years older than my girlfriend and we have the same issues until people realize we both just want a big family so it makes sense. But clearly our normal desires are not at play with y'all. Will he even be able to have kids with you? That's just wrong.

[Adam1978]

Enjoy it while it last, just be prepared to let him go when he wants a family of his own. This is the reason for cultural friction relationships are the means of creating families and you are too old for that and probably already gone through that chapter. You will just be a waste on his resources and he should find a fertile young female to put his efforts into.

[MzAsh]

There are a lot of younger men out there who don’t care to have children.

[Adam1978]

Just like women they have a good chance to change their minds when getting older.

[MzAsh]

Yes there’s always adoption.

[Adam1978]

Why pay for something you can make for free and have fun doing so?

[MzAsh]

Most men have a scarcity of other willing participants.

[misogynistic_pig]

Because men prefer young women sexually throughout life, while women prefer men of the same age, since young women are more fertile, have a lower rate of sexually transmitted diseases and are less likely to have children of previous men, that a man could have to take care of in case of marriage.

[TheorionMage]

The essence of the age dicodemy is at its heart, rooted in virility and fertility... despite being heartily denied.
Mature men seek nascent nubile young women in their fecundity and likewise mature 'jaded' women trade their knowledgeable sexual accessibility to relive their own youth, now that they're 'wizened' to eager & lusting young bucks in their prime of THEIR fertility~ Despite those bucks reluctance to engender progeny to societally-bind them to the progeny of their 'Mrs. Robinson'.

[shaysh87]

I would have to agree. People make fun of cougars all the time while people try to justify a man dating someone 20 years younger.

But realistically, a relationship between two people with an age gap of over 15 years has no real future. Eventually the younger party will find themselves stuck in a marriage where they're no longer having sex, having fun, be able to do things with. You can't grow old with someone who is already old. Its only a matter of time before things die down.

[petitedollbabee]

Because older men dating younger women is somewhat normalised through the media, whereas older women dating younger men is still a little taboo for some people. I personally don’t see any difference between older men or women dating younger men or women.

[mstbooblover]

Probably jealousy in one or another form, and a lack mental flexibility regarding a traditional bias. By the way, I met my wife when I was 25, and she was 12 years older. Life was not always easy, but we stayed married and together for 38 years till she passed away.

[Rockstarrrrr]

The older person is usually more dominant or experienced so it's usually a female led relationship which is odd because that's usually the man's role... So for them the woman is masculine and the guy is not... And women age faster than men... So when a woman get a guy even younger than her, other people her age can be jealous...

[DesertP]

I've always stated that women should be with whomever makes them happy but I get this is not the norm to be non judgmental about it. In any relationship, as long as the older party is willing to accept that there will be age gap issues and is ok with that, than more power to both. I've been with older women and been complimented on how hit they were. Would I again? Without a doubt. If I'm attracted to someone I don't care if they're older or younger

[BJP21]

You are 100% accurate in saying its sexist and it is. Its probably because of the stereotype of gold digging or perhaps is envy because you have something someone else doesn't. Anyone who judges because age gap needs to take a long walk off a short pier.

[Vegasrunner]

Partly what you are articulating is how uncommon what you're doing is to society. Most people are pretty comfortable w/ older men dating younger women because it happens all the time most people aren't comfortable vice-versa because it's rare to see older women w/ younger men.

[Mangospacho]

I don’t think it’s a big deal, especially considering he’s a fully grown adult. It’s not like you groomed him. But there are always people who will judge you for doing something out of the ordinary. If they don’t have someone to judge about something, they will die off.

[art84]

People will always judge who you date no matter what the age difference is. My brother was 30 years old and his girlfriend was 18 years old. Everyone said he was too old for her and her being too young for him. He didn't care and married her and they have two little girls.

[misfittoy]

both consenting adults, its no ones business. i wouldn't put to much stock into what anyone says these days, everyone's is a critic, they dont pay your bills, so eff their opinions

[Milonaa]

I don’t think women dating younger boys are treated harsher than the opposite. The old man with young woman is often painted as pedophilia. Something women dating younger men don't have to worry about.

[Berethor]

Female teachers get judged less harshly, but it might have something to do with the fact that you are unable to give him children, also women are expected to be pretty, while men are less so.

[Asker]

I'm not talking about a teacher-student relationship so I'm not sure why that's relevant (and I very much get why people would judge that relationship)

I also don't think I'm unable to get pregnant. It's not that crazy for me to get pregnant at 39. I also have kept myself in great physical shape.

Do you think older women can't be attractive anymore?

[Berethor]

It's fairly hard to get pregnant at 39, and yea women are hitting the wall at those ages.

[Paulalove98]

@berethor my mom had me at 38

[Paulalove98]

@berethor this isn’t about teachers omg lol. Her boyfriend is probably 25 if their 14 years apart. A 25 year old guy is a grown man what the fuck.

[Berethor]

@Paulalove98 point is that sometimes women are judged less for going for young guys.

[Anonymous]

Bah hahahah ummm no.

No one gave a shit when Jada Smith fucked her sons friend

no one gave madonna attitude when she was 50 ish and dating 20 year olds.

when men do it they are attacked.

Leo is mocked and made fun of by society constantly. For example.

[USLegionary]

Don't believe it's true. Look at all those female school teachers who rape their male underage students. They get treated like they are the victims.

[Paulalove98]

She’s not even talking about someone underage tho. The person she’s with is must be 25 if she’s 39 since she mentioned a 14 year age difference.. and this isn’t even about teachers.

[USLegionary]

@Paulalove98 yeah but usually when a woman goes off with a younger guy it's to choirs of "you go girl". The made a TV show about it called cougars were older women hunted for younger men and it was lauded but can you imagine a tv show called sugar daddies about older men pursuing younger women. You remember stifler's mom in American pie which is where we get the word MILF from, well stifler's mom hooks up with finch a high school boy who had been drinking on prom night at her son's after prom party. Can you imagine Stifler's Dad hooking up with a high school girl who had been drinking on a pool table at his son's prom party and reaction that would get? You only have to look at the way Leonardo Di caprio is treated for dating younger women.

[Paulalove98]

@uslegionary then again you forgot that guys high five each other for scoring a hot woman in general whether she's 25 or 40 regardless but this is an adult relationship she's talking about. A 25 year old man isn't like a 16 or 17 year old kid.. Also a bit creepy you seem concerned what a 25 year old mans love life is like, he's an adult at the end of the day. Leonardo would say "as long as she's 18" SO as long as the guy is also over 18 too but i believe the difference is guys like to be left to do their own thing it's part of being a man but a younger woman is gonna feel uncomfortable if a 40 year old is chasing her at 18, at least i did when that happened to me and still would at 24. I may get judged for this but i think its different with younger men and younger women dating older people, but you can't say the word "Dilf" isn't becoming thing cause I've been seeing it online and being used too these days. Personally i don't like older men older than 28 that's just me. My range is 18-28 and im almost 24 but I don't think there's anything wrong with age differences as long as nobody is being taken advantage of and is over 18. I just personally couldn't see myself with a much older man.

[TroyDT2]

Some people will judge anything simply because they are meddlers. As long as they are not assaulting the person or property of another, that which consenting adults choose to do is not my business.

[Jamie05rhs]

Not sure. I don't see any reason to judge you. But maybe some people are just looking out for you, because they think the relationship will not work out long-term. Then again, they don't know your man, of course.

[Jamie05rhs]

As far as having kids, though, yeah; you're pretty damn old.

[Anonymous]

My little bro goes for women older than him (6+ years older)… my boyfriend is 4 years younger than me but he’s more mature than I am so it makes sense

[melanieeeB]

The same why women get bashed as hoes for having sex but men are heroes for it... nobody knows why

[LovingJo]

I guess it depends on the age of you both, anything not "the norm" these days, is judged!! Fuck em!! 💯❤️

[Anonymous]

It's just outside of the norms, but if you're happy and it's consensual, have at it, enjoy life while it lasts, live yours for your happiness not someone else's. They get to live their life for their happiness, you should too.

[TheFlak38]

Just another myth. In a gynocentric society nobody dares to openly judge women about anything. It is men who just can't win and get judged no matter what they'll choose to do.

[Zolly99999]

It's a ridiculous idea that society has and people are brainwashed by it.

Age is just a number and if both people are happy it's none of anyone else's business!

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Age is an irrational number. Them people are being irrational.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Bc society greatly depends on women and holds them at high value.

Yet it takes only moments to throw them in pit.

[Subarugirl]

Double standards... a lot of people get uncomfortable when men are treated the way women generally are.

[athelete_7]

👀 they dont judge. If they judge why do u let their judgement bother ur happiness . I dont think thing like love needs to be judged .

[nawtee_me]

This wouldn't be an issue if people would stop looking at age gaps period... I am talking legal age of consent here. Be happy for what their hearts mutually desire...

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why do men who date/fall in love with younger women get judged so harshly (and much more so than when the gender age gap is reversed)

[Coden7]

Not sure. I tend to like women who are a little older than I am.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Double standards and there's always people that will judge no matter what

[tonamimargaux]

Oh really? And here I got rejected because of my age lol. Anyway how’s it going for you?

[Noodle_fan]

nothing wrong with it

you just need to grow thicker skin and dont get easily triggered by what other people say

[User3191989]

Because it's become cliche/boring for women to go after "older "daddy" type men"

[UmarCGA]

Yea agree... Where as socity still pushes for older man marring w
Younger women... So if younger woman is already taken by granpa who will marry younger guy... Older women...

[carlgpfeifer]

It's just the way girls pick there dates they like younger men then older men some say older men are too old to date

[maximumpower]

They don't.

The ones that get judged harshly are the younger women who fawn over older - and richer - men.

[Kelly6]

That’s how society sees, which I don’t care how others judge me

[whiskeyontherocks]

This reads more like someone that is being self conscious.
Take it easy on your self

[LimitedBenefits101]

Lol what does he seen in older woman? he's probably insecure.

[Anonymous]

The better question is why you care about what others think of YOUR boyfriend. It's your relationship not thiers. So why care?