Should I ask her out?

[SvenTree]

There is this woman. I've thinked about asking her out, but I don't want to be labled a creep, predator or abusive.

I met her about a year ago. Over the course of several months we had several friendly interactions, and I often got the feeling she was being flirty, she was transfered to a different hospital (nearby) to continue her training about a month ago. She gave me her number and added me on social media.

I'm worried that if I ask her out, I'll be seen as abusive because of power dianamics and age differences. She's about 7 years younger than me. We met at the hospital where I work, she was an intern and I'm a doctor with tenure, therefore I have a much higher position. I also make a lot more money than she does. I've even paid her for working helping me with procedures a couple of times.

I'm not worried about being rejected, that would not be a big deal. But I'm worried it can affect my reputation and career. Should ask her out? Or should I just move on?

Updates

1 y

I have been busy and made a work trip, so it took me a while to make up my mind, but I eventually asked her out. She said that she said something like "Sure, I'd love to". Then I asked her, something like "is Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon good?". This was about 3 days ago and she hasn't answered, I haven't sent any follow up message either, but I don't think I will.
The most important thing is that I doesn't seem to have affected my career so far. So everything is good so far. Thanks everyone.

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, that's a tough call. On one hand, if you really like this girl it wouldn't hurt to ask her out since you've been friendly for a while now and she gave you her number, right?

But it's also smart to be cautious since there was a work relationship. Even if nothing happened there, some people might try to twist it that way if they found out. And the age/money difference could maybe raise an eyebrow too, like you said.

I'd say maybe start by keeping things casual and low pressure. Like ask if she wants to grab coffee sometime to catch up now that she's at the new hospital. Make it clear it's not a big deal if she's busy. That way you guys can see how it feels without any official "date" pressure.

If it seems good and natural, maybe ask her on a proper date after a coffee meetup or two. But go slow at first since you don't want any rumors at work, you know? As long as you treat her with respect and make sure she knows it's totally fine to say no with no hard feelings, I don't think you'd come off as a creep. Just tread lightly at first given the work history. Good luck, man!

[SvenTree]

Thanks for the advice. I'll wait to see if I can get a woman's opinion on this.

Maybe I'm overthinking, but these kind of things are confusing. Some women say they want to date someone who is older, has a high status job and earns as much or more than they do; but at the same time, it's somehow immoral for a man to date a younger woman who makes less money than he does because he would be taking advantage.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, I hear ya. Dating stuff can definitely get confusing these days with all the different opinions out there.

On the one hand, lots of girls do seem into older dudes with their lives together, as long as the guy's mature about it too, you know? But then you also get those people saying any big age/money gap is automatically abuse or something. It's a minefield.

My advice would be, get another woman's perspective - maybe one of her trusted friends if possible - to see what they think. If she's feeling this girl she knows is into you too, that's a good sign.

Ultimately trust your gut. If you think this chick genuinely likes you not just your status, go for it slowly. Just make extra sure she never feels any pressure or obligation cause of your history together professionally. Easy does it, let her set the pace 100%.

A lot of it's about intention I reckon. As long as you actually see her as a person, not a possession, you should be alright. Open communication is key too. You got this bro, trust yourself!

[Juxtapose]

How low we have gone as a society when just merely asking someone for their company on a date is seen as some sort of violation.

What's the worst that can happen? She says no and you get annoyed? Big fucking whoop!

People who say that is abuse are twisted by the woke mind virus.

[SvenTree]

... I can think of several worse scenarios than her saying no. In fact, her simply saying politely "no, thank you" is one of the best scenarios posible.

The worse scenarios I can think of involve that she may feel unsafe and harassed, that people around me start treating me as a creep and a predator, etc. That it may negatively affect my career or income.

[Avicenna]

Unless you’re violating a company or facility policy, I don’t see what the problem is.

[SvenTree]

I don't think there is a company or facility issue because we don't work in the same place anymore, she was transferred to a nearby hospital to continue her training. I wouldn't even be considering this if we still worked at the same place.

The issue is that I've heard all of my life that asking out a woman in a situation like the one that I'm describing (where there is age differences and differences in power dianamics) is a abusive, predatory and creepy. I wouldn't want to make her a victim.

[Avicenna]

That’s ridiculous.

[slatyb]

Yes, you should. Asking a woman out doesn't make you a predator. She's probably wondering why you haven't.

[LiamJHayden]

Ask her out. If she considers you a creep for that, at least you know she is unhinged and not worth your time.

[noohair]

Ok, your career is worth what? And reputation? Have you lost your mind?

[RedInnocent69]

Yeah. You miss all the shots you don’t take.