How come nice girls like me don’t get second dates or end up single?

[Anonymous]

So a month ago, I went on this date with a guy and it went pretty well. I haven’t heard back if he wanted to go on a second date. I don’t understand. I am a put together, sweet, nice and loving woman. Not to brag but I’m fit, attractive, have an amazing job, smart, no embarrassing stories or anything snarky attitude. I texted him but I gave him space because I didn’t wanna become clingy. I was very nice and didn’t want to ruin everything. I see not so nice or feisty women with boyfriends or getting more dates.
My best friend talks back and she’s not the nicest girl but she’s feisty, kind and she has a boyfriend. What gives? I’m nice and well put together and still single.

I asked last week if he wanted to go on a second date but he hasn’t responded.

I vented to my best friend and she said, “Maybe perhaps in my opinion that you’re…. TOO nice.”

I was confused but thrillingly said, “Oh…. NICE!”

She told me, “I don’t mean it in a good way.” What did she mean by that?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, I feel your pain! Being so nice can totally backfire sometimes, it's so unfair. What your friend was trying to say makes sense though - sometimes being too available and nice can be a turnoff for guys. Even if we don't mean to, it can come across like we're not that interested or we don't have our own life, you know?

I think with this guy, it's possible he took your niceness as a lack of challenge. Men love the chase, so when a girl is super easygoing and texts right away like "no pressure for a second date!", it removes any sense of accomplishment for him. Maybe play a little harder to get next time so he has to work for it!

Also don't be so hard on yourself about your looks or job - those things aren't everything. Guys care more about feeling a spark and chemistry. And chemistry needs some push-pull energy, some teasing back and forth. I'd say for your next date, let your sassy side shine through more! Flirt a little, challenge him sometimes instead of just agreeing. Keep him on his toes wondering what you'll say or do next.

A little assertiveness and mystique go a long way. You seem awesome, so don't lose your confidence! With your great qualities, I'm sure if you put a little spice in your interactions, the right guy will be really into you. Chin up - you've got this!

[Anonymous]

Good guys only like bad women because they are more exciting whereas good women tend to be boring with not much of a personality. There whole thing is they are nice they think that means they are entitled to a boyfriend, but it doesn't work like that.

You should improve your social skills and make yourself more appealing to men.

[Asker]

So I’m not appealing to men? Why do men go for bad women that are so mean and aren’t so nice? I mean don’t they want a nice women to treat them right?

[ohsheeT]

Well that just means he wasn't the right one for you don't give up just keep going forward

[BetaBucks]

Being too nice is absolutely not a deal breaker for me or any dude I've ever met. There are hundreds of millions of single, mean girls out there too. I'd disregard that concern if I were you. Every single doubt I have about my marriage, and every breakup I've done (every relationship I've been in) has been about the girl being "mean."

You may just have a poor selection process. And could be looking in the wrong places. Where do you usually meet guys? Have you tried one of the dating apps that aren't hook-up focused? Are you part of a religion? That's a great place to meet people. Have you joined any adult sports leagues? Also a great place. My league is filled with single people looking to date.

[genericname85]

"nice" girls as well as "nice" guys have to learn that being "nice" is not some special qualification. it's base line. the minimum requirement. if you're bragging with that, it seems you don't have much going for you.

[Asker]

So you’re saying I have to act a little “mean” to get a boyfriend

[genericname85]

Not at all. I'm saying that you should make yourself to be more than just "nice".

[Asker]

Like how? I get no respect and people don’t appreciate me.

[genericname85]

You're not entitled to respect. Respect is earned. And if people don't appreciate you, they're not the right people for you to be around