I think I’m losing interest in love, what do I do?

Question

I am 23, and I’ve never had a boyfriend, been on a date, or have someone taken me seriously. Recently I joined Facebook dating and I made a match with a man that I thought was going to work out for me. We talked for 3 weeks and on a Tuesday he decided to cal it quits on me because bottom line, he just got bored of me. Ever since then, I have been beginning to lose interest in wanting to date and putting myself out there. I do have feelings for this guy at my church, but it’s hard to tell if he’s really interested in me. I want to do something, but it’s like I’m afraid to. He was actually the one that came up to me and introduced himself, and we’ve been talking ever since. I find he’s awkward around me when we talk, but he isn’t like that with others. But I don’t think that he’s interested because if he were, he would’ve tried to put some effort into wanting to do things with me. Overall, I haven’t met anyone or have guys approach me. It’s just hard because it’s something I’ve always wanted and it’s like I’m starting to lose interest. Whenever anyone brings up dating, I don’t really have anything good to say about it. I’ve always been the single friend, the third wheel, and yes I have my family. But I go to places mostly by myself. I just would like to have the experiences that most girls my age have and it’ like I’ve never had any of it. So I’m just getting to where that I need to accept that I’ll never find love and just accept that I’ll just be alone because that is something that I’ve always been used of. Sometimes I think it’s because of how I look physically and my personality.

Saramad_Hill · Accepted Answer

It seems like this is really eating you up inside, and I get that. I didn't truly "date" until I was 20, and that first cuddle was heavenly.

When it comes to finding a partner, there's no secret, no silver bullet. The only thing you can do is change the percentage chance from 0% to something non-zero.

I would get comfortable with the idea of not pining for something you don't currently have, you'll just feel miserable and left out. And you're not alone in that regard, some people make it to 40, maybe even higher before dating. Some die before they get the chance.

You will need to create your own luck. I'll bullet point some quick ideas to help, but keep in mind it's not a one size fits all advice.

Become physically fit or maintain what you have if you already are
Tweak your personality to be more friendly, but don't lose your core identity. You're you, after all
Don't compare your progress to those of others, this never works well and your circumstances are different
It's probably easier to meet someone online, but dating apps have never been something I'd suggest. They're flawed in more ways than I have time to type

Actually, I'd love to meet someone organically. Either meet them somewhere in town or online somehow. You never know when you'll find someone who understands you better than most, but... if I'm being honest, it's just really hard these days. People aren't as well-suited to it. We all have the internet and we're all broke and stay at home. Your perfect partner could be two miles away, stuck in their room, wondering why they're not good enough for anyone, why they're not attractive or charming enough. Again, you are not alone in being "behind" on dating. I will say this, though... I think the quality of dating works better when you're both mature and actually know what you already are searching for. Teenage romances often don't have that-- they just wing it, it seems. You wouldn't want to end up jaded off of a bad encounter or two.

And, while it does suck that dude stopped texting you after three weeks, it seems he was doing you a favor in the end. He didn't sit there and string you along. He recognized "I don't think we're a good match" and found a way to end it, leaving you both the option to find someone better for each of you.

Finding those people, though... It's really difficult. And others make it look so easy, don't they? It's like they walk outside to the girlfriend/boyfriend vending machine, press a button, and have their arm around them the next day. I don't understand it, but I also lack the charisma to be like that.

In the meantime, just work on yourself, set goals for yourself and make yourself happy in whatever way you possibly can. There's no need to spend your life in misery, because if you're at home crying in a corner, Mister Perfect isn't going to pick-lock his way into your house and chat you up, even if he wishes he could. You can't date someone you don't even know exists, after all.

As for the church guy, I don't know what to say on that. Personally, I also get awkward around people I fancy, and sometimes I'll feel so below their league I'll make myself boring and scarce just to avoid the chance of getting rejected in some way. Nerves are a real issue sometimes. And even now, I still feel like I'm undateable despite having dated five or six women. At the moment it's been several years since I've had anyone who would actually say "yeah, we're dating."

Plus, times are just different now. Hangout spots are iffy, and texting someone online seems the easiest way to go for now unless you have someone who "knows a guy."

And lastly, give yourself some grace. You cannot be that bad. This isn't entirely your fault. I'm sure people have had crushes on you and kept it a secret, afraid things wouldn't go well or that they weren't your type somehow. Actually, you might have some luck if you can convince yourself to make moves, too. Subtly or otherwise.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

First you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are , your low self esteem and lack of confidence is going to push people away because little do you realize you are projecting a negative energy about yourself that you don’t realize you are doing. So learn to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are as a person, next thing you have to realize. Is for you to receive love , you have to be able to give love. Don’t just sit back thinking someone is magically going to come and sweep you off your feet, it could happen but the chances of that happening is a very slim chance. Love comes from giving to someone the same way you hope that they give you, so you have to learn to give if you want to receive. It’s ok for a girl to show interest in a guy , it’s ok for a girl to make the first move , don’t just assume it’s the guys’ job to do so , If you like someone , Go for it , let them know you find them attractive let them know you find them interesting , so show interests in them and make them your priority , That boy at your church is probably shy and doesn’t really know if you are interested in him or not , he might just assume you are being friendly with him. So ask him out , just say hey would you like to go out with me for coffee or a drink sometime or would like to go see this movie with me etc. it’s ok for a girl to ask a guy out, that she is interested in , Most of us guys’ prefer a girl that makes the first move , most of us guys’ get mocked or criticized for showing interest in a girl , oh he just wants to fuck her and get his dick wet blah blah blah , so a-lot of guys’ no longer make the first move for those reasons , so when a girl makes the first move on us , it shows she is really interested in us , so if he isn’t interested in you, the same way , he will decline your offer but at least you have an answer. But if he says yes , then that right there tells you he likes you as well. Most females’ get bombarded by guys’ that are showing interest in her and sadly she just assumes they just want sex with her and nothing more , most of us guys’ aren’t bombarded by a bunch of females’ wanting us we are lucky if we get a few lol So stop selling yourself short and get your ass out there girl , your chances of finding love will increase once you accept yourself for who you are and get past that low self esteem and shyness and insecurities that you are allowing to hold you down. You won’t get every guy you are interested in but you will get more that what you have right now.

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

I think you should ask the church guy if he wants to do something. Not thinking dating or love. Just as a friend. That gives him an opening to either get to know you more (and you him) or to express interest. Cos maybe he's too shy and unsure of signals your giving off.

And if he isn't interested in you in that way you could still get a nice friendship. That way there's no pressure. And hey maybe as his friend he will have a friend that he introduces you too. If that's the road it goes down.

That gives you something actionable now to try. You don't have to worry about the bigger picture just yet.

Just out of interest... did the FB guy ever ask you out or make hints about meeting up? Some guys online just like the thrill of someone to talk to for a bit. Until life gets busy again or another "thrill" comes along. Many are not even looking for relationship. Sadly. I wish they would just come to forums like this if they just want connection. Would making dating easier if people actually wanting to date used them.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

You're 23. You have plenty of time to find love or rather for it to find you. Just live your life. If it's meant to be, it'll come your way in no time.

AviatorTom · Answer

You seem to be an old-fashioned girl who expects guys to come to you. In this 21st Century, there is nothing wrong, and everything right, about a girl approaching a guy.

If you see someone you might be interested in, go ahead and ask them out. And don't think about whether it will "work out" or not. Just enjoy their company and have fun dating. It will "work out" or not on its own... don't try to force it.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

My bet , you are not losing interest in love, at all. You're being unsure of your own value,  unsure of your attraction , you are  disappointed and afraid . I can definitely understand how you can get disappointed, how you can fall when hearing such a sentence from this FB guy, that's a literal punch line you read. But... Make no mistake,  random people don't get the right to define you . They have no legitimacy to back up their claims. They are random noise in the wild. Maybe you heard of this archetypal girl, daydreaming in the bus, imaginative she is as she can create fantasies all around, and then she starts fancying a designated boy, he had something special, he was special she thought. Imagination. Sure, this boy looked at her sometimes, this must have been a hint. It must mean something. She could imagine all sorts of scenarios, go on and on like this, dreams and stories. Days, weeks, months and then someday the seat is empty because the boy has moved somewhere else. He's nowhere to be found. Regrets she had, or maybe she thought it was fate. You took action when you opened FB, it turned out disappointing, that is bad luck, and he was disrespectful. But you did something, you acted upon a wish. You didn't stay behind. So now there is another opportunity, this guy in this church.  Maybe he doesn't know how to proceed, like you are , I propose you assume that. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe he's not interested after all. You will get to know when you'll make a move towards him. Because  actions give us the sensation of power, of control over fate , without this we're just puppets in a waiting queue. Waiting to be chosen by I don't know what or who. Chosen by another random guy, like the FB one? It doesn't sound like a good idea. Here is more reading for you, involving a girl in your age range, she is trying to push forward as well, in such contexts:

Shamalien · Answer

I know how it feels…but what’s more important than anything is staying true to your core values. Dating is officially broken at this point in time, really relationships as a whole are, and everyone is flocking to casual.

Whatever you do, do not give in to the darkness of hookup culture.

Personally, I think you’re pretty cute from your one pic, I’d totally go on a date with you and I’m sure plenty of guys in your area feel the same way, but dudes don’t really approach anymore.

There is a guy out there who will appreciate you for you, so just focus on becoming the best you that you can be and never lose sight of the goal.

morganherrel · Answer

Lose weight and you'll become objectively more attractive than most woman in the U. S (who are unattractive). Plenty of guys will be interested in you (even though they lie that all shapes are beautiful). If you're a woman in the U. S., it's really that easy. Attracting a guy has literally never been easier.

Next, address any emotional issues or mental health problems that might be holding you back.

Lastly, begin the trial and error process of finding compatibility. From reading your post, it looks like you've hardly tried. It might take many more tries until you find it.

Take an interest in getting to know new people. Stay curious and keep an open mind.

Good luck!

AydenHazor · Answer

Has your interest in dating and finding love truly been something you actually wanted or something you wanted because it was expected of you by your family and your church. Many of us who were raised in church sought after that romantic relationship leaving to marriage and children that we were taught by church culture was the pinnacle achievement in life, especially for women, only to realize later in life that that was not actually what was best for us or what truly suited us or made us happy. If you're kidding interest in love at the age of 23, maybe it's less that you're losing interest in something you've always wanted and more that you wanted it because that's what was expected of you and now you're coming to realize you don't actually need it in your life. That can be a very freeing realization that it's ok to not seek romance and marriage and that is ok to find emotional support and intimacy in friendships and we don't need a romantic partner to be happy or successful in life.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I think it's somewhat your personality and your expectations. you sound very logical and expecting him to do most of the work. doesn't always work that way.

why don't you take up dancing? Answing that... will confirm my assumptions.

a. you need to show up and be willing

b. you need to have some skills or willing to learn

c. you need to follow, but do some nudging along the way

d. you need to have fun... it isn't all logic.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

If you are actually my age, you are way too young to be giving up, also cut that age in half because dating isn't a part of growing up, Id say if anything take a little break from it and then get back on it later, if you are a believer in God you should be well informed that it's all about timing and not necessarily your timing but his.

9in_Serpent · Answer

The ideas of this fantasy hollywood love that you see in movies destroyed my love life and my life in general and robbed me of so many experiences of being a human being. My advice is to let go of this religious brainwashing and just live your life to the fullest! And love will come to you! But if you limit yourself with all these rules and laws from religion and fantasy love stories and go chasing for love then you will never find it and become a lonely cold depressed and miserable individual

Squatting_Slav · Answer

Usually this sort of thing is your mind playing games on you

The best thing to do is really focus on yourself, career, hobbies phsycial helath and mental state. Like, love comes when you least expect it. Stay away from dating apps the men there are trash. The best ones are out there doing charity work, earning, and making the world go round

Alwayreckles93 · Answer

You are not the problem believe me. Now a days younger adults over 20 youth are still mommas. The problem is Boy moms it's not you. I hate it when I see 30 year old grown old ass men being so close to mommy.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Consider your past relationships and what you've learned from them. Are there any recurring patterns or issues that have contributed to your feelings? That should help you unload this baggage.

noohair · Answer

Some guys will not approach someone that they like a lot because if they are declined, it shatters their ego, so they suffer in silence. I think you might be missing a good chance with the guy from church. If you approached him, what is the worst thing that could happen as compared to the best thing that could happen.

SunnyRS · Answer

It's alright to lose interest in love as it is not the most important thing in life but by reading what you wrote, I don't think you are losing interest, you are giving up on it.
Don't do that, it's fine if you don't want to actively seek love but always be open to it as you may find someone when you least expect it.

bowenw · Answer

It appears you have found a boyfriend based on your post today. Hopefully you are happy with him. Please DM me if you would like to chat anytime.

LiamJHayden · Answer

A guy should be asking you out long before three weeks of "talking." I know that a lot of guys are afraid of the cold approachs that I do, but after a half hour of conversation he should know if it is a yay or a nay.

Juxtapose · Answer

You're this young and already giving up? That's weak, please don't do that to yourself. I am autistic, older and have had one hell of a time trying to find somebody. I haven't given up yet.

DrPepper12 · Answer

You need some more time going out with the lady friends. That and have a talk with yourself that you MUST make yourself vulnerable to be dating. It's the only way it works.

NathanDavis · Answer

love will find its way back to you... eventually

ManInChains · Answer

Join the club. You wouldn't be the only one giving up on love

Berethor · Answer

Virgin girls are best, you blocked the messages so you don't seems to have much interest.

MicahRaine · Answer

As a church guy, 97% of church guys are absolutely clueless. Unless they have older sisters who they are close with.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

You cry and moaning too much. That's your problem.  Quit feeling sorry for yourself and built a bit of confidence in yourself instead of always throwing a pity party on GAG.

Maria2002_ · Answer

It could be your not straight. Just haven’t had your light bulb moment.

Chthou95 · Answer

Are your dm's full of men messaging you on any social media you have?

Celticwolf78 · Answer

Your not losing interest they just don't know what they want

Jpie555 · Answer

Sorry to hear that.., trust that the universe will bring you love… you just need to be patient

jjj101010 · Answer

Maybe stop looking for it, live ur life and see if it comes to u

Anonymous · Answer

Me too, I'm double your age, and I never had a girlfriend :(

OddBeMe · Answer

How can you lose interest without experiencing it?

electromagnetic · Answer

Make money.

MeAndYouRightHere · Answer

How about now?

Cheerfull009 · Answer

Change your attitude, be social

MasterKS · Answer

Thats why casual sex is popular!

kaucky1 · Answer

Not trust anybody 💢

CVNT5 · Answer

wanna cuddle? 🤤💕

vicphilips · Answer

Thats weird

I think I’m losing interest in love, what do I do?

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