You're on this site, you have very casual online conversations with somebody on here. You don't even really know this person at all. That person then wants to come all the way to the state or place you are from and hangout with you and even hangout with your significant other. Did I mention that the conversations were just online casual conversations?
This person believes there is no such thing and that all online conversations eventually lead to hanging out in real life.
What are your thoughts on this mindset? Do you find this creepy? Do you find this normal? How should I handle this behavior?
It's definitely not normal behavior
It's perfectly normal
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
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Have you ever been involved in a parasocial relationship on this site?
I have had a few different types of "relationships" here. I have had the toxic which I ended, the casual, the friendly acquaintances, good friends, and a lover.
This sort of relationship that you are describing I would describe it as teeter-toddling between toxic and casual
It isn't healthy behavior because you are not on the same level or in agreement as this person. The moment one person is saying no and clearly states their discomfort but the other is insisting is the moment red flags need to be raised.
sounds like an individual I once interacted with on here and in the end I had to terminate that relationship because it was clear the individual was not respecting my personal boundaries and it seems to me that this individual is also ignoring your personal boundaries.
Now I have mentioned that I have a good friend relationship with someone. This person I have come to enjoy their conversation and I'm open to their input. I've shared private details which I wouldn't share on the main website. This is an individual who if they were comfortable with it I would be comfortable with meeting them and their significant other in person. I could see us planning a weekend of casual friendly activities such as catching a movie, going to a farmer market or having dinner.
Now currently I am dating and living with @Bluemax. This may be a rare occurrence. We met on here 4 years ago. We started as casual and grew. Last year he moved to my state and we are living together. I'm not here trying to say that this can happen for everyone. I feel that in our situation we just got lucky.
However I will say that if he or I begin to treat each other the way the individual who you speak of is treating you we certainly would never have reached this point.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
I've had it happen and it's disturbing. The, "where do you live? Wouldn't it be cool if we could hang out? Would you like to sometime? I can come visit, if you want. Let's talk on the phone, what's your phone number"?
What irritates me, is they will say they're in a relationship also! I'm thinking, "Okay, you say you're in a relationship but yet you devote all your time talking to me?" It's obvious they're lying.
That's normal depending on the number of years you know the person.
isn't it ok for people to meet people they vibe with?
If people have that level of trust and open mindedness that's is fine all depends on how mutually you want to take it.
A person can show intrest to see how the person would treat them in live than on virtual site.
Literally every other social site works the same way whether it be hookup site or even partnering with sports person whom wana play with.
Also I heard about a site where people find other random people to goto clubs or cinemas they find some random buddies to tag along.
Anybody could be a creep if you are trying to name them already as a creep.
It might be really Awkward if both doesn't feel the same it's tricky mutual understanding is important then only it can work.
I would take it as the person enjoys the company, yet you cannot confirm if they would turn pschycopaths and that could be anybody you know trusting is hard.
Um wow no never had that type before. Mine have always been casual conversation turns into flirting turns into a very hot naughty sexy chat or role play turns into a friendship . Turns into I would love to come see you I would always say yes but never happens.
And turns into kind of like a friends with benefit online LOL and turns into ever see each other online we might say hi communicate a little bit but no more role-play because we're both going . Opposite directions in that moment but yes has turned into a pretty good relationship friend a friendly relationship good people
That there what you're talking about is just a little bit weird I mean if it's good for both parties then I don't see anything wrong with it I guess but I don't know it's never happened to me so I don't know
In my experience, the only people who are willing to travel to meet you are the ones who want a sexual or romantic relationship. Maybe you should suggest a video call with the other person, you, and your spouse.
I would say you are right about the traveling except for the video call part of it. It doesn't sound like she wants that. it sounds like she's a little creeped out but I should let @mandyfire98 speak for herself and correct me if I'm wrong.
I don’t know if contact is what she wants, either. But the mention of getting her spouse involved might make the guy back away if he is trying to creep on her.
Unfortunately it seems that mentioning her significant other has not derailed the individual from wanting to proceed with contact.
It could be a possibility that the individual fancies c u ckold or 3somes.
It could also just be an individual who does not understand the norms of society or is not capable of grasping an individual's behavior cues because they are either A never good at reading individuals or B because the communication is via text without facial expressions this person may lack the ability to understand she is being made to feel uncomfortable. SHE MAY NEED TO BE DIRECT AND SIMPLY SAY I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH PROCEEDING WITH ANYTHING MORE WITH YOU OUTSIDE OF ONLINE COMMUNICATION and therefore you need to understand that it is not going to happen we will not be meeting in person.
I was fine casually just talking to this person. Just casual "hi how's it going" but he wants to apparently come all the way to where I live and physically meet up with me even though I've let him know that there's no chance in hell that will ever happen. He seems to ignore and accept that.
Out of curiosity did you end up blocking him and if not then perhaps it would benefit for you to hear it question with him so that he could get the point.
I myself have had a few individuals on here like that dead sets on meeting but I literally had to be like no it's not happening
I believe some online acquaintances can grow to the friendship level with time... and then we show more trust and are more open to each other...
but I don't think visiting each other is needed, with my online friends, we have regular calls, we care for each other, we listen to our problems and struggles, and simply we are for each other...
but it's quite a natural evolution... and it takes time, so not after the first or even tenth text conversation...
I'm always happy to meet a G@Ger IRL, but generally speaking, in addition to being more than just pals here, it would be out of convenience, meaning I'm already travelling and I just happen to be passing through or they're not too far out of my way. If they're within a certain distance and we could meet in the middle, I'd go for it. Otherwise, it would just remain an online friendship for which I might do an occasional Zoom or phone call.
There's a vanishingly small number of members here for whom I'd even think about make any special arrangements or plans.
But anyway, to answer your question, no, I have not. Is this kind of behavior creepy? Yes. Is it normal? These days, more than it should be (which is not at all).
When parasocial means one-sided, unilateral relation, then it's not a relation at all, so I would not want to meet anyone, or be met on these grounds. Since it's just an illusion/delusion. There are two oddities you describe from their behaviour:
- Wanting to go in person when there is no connection, no basis established - Forcing their point of view to overcome yours
Just one of these oddities would be enough for me to terminate any private communication.
Nah, that's weird. If you've already stated your boundaries and they keep pushing the idea, then they will disrespect you in other ways if they eventually met you.
Having online friends is okay. Making them feel uncomfortable isn't.
Meeting up is okay, but only when both people consent to it. Consent matters at every level, even platonic.
Sometimes, people just don't get it. It's okay to be nice to a popular YouTuber, for instance, but it wouldn't be okay to DM them over and over asking to "hang out."
It's astonishing how many people can't read the mood or room. It actively drives a wedge in your friendship when they can't understand no means no. And it sounds like you've already made yourself clear. I'd be looking for a way to peacefully extricate yourself from it, but hurting feelings might happen depending on the level of maturity you're dealing with. Good luck.
I only log in on this site to have some casual talk about subjects we might find a common interest in. Some of the people I've 'met' have been really nice. With a couple of them, there has been and still is a mutual feeling of companionship and support. But I'd never go beyond that.
I'd hate it if people get too personal. Meeting up in real life or even getting such a request would be too personal for me and too close for comfort.
Definitely odd behavior. I can't imagine why anyone would use this website for anything more than casual and fun discussions. It's weird even in real life when people start trying to pry at personal information when you aren't really close to begin with.
Not normal can't say it would bother me though if it was a girl doing that to me. Though how would I know it's really a girl? . _. Overall always just ignore someone like that. They'll get bored move to someone else.
Personally I am a loner I don't really have a social way to meet friends IRL so I would love one day to find someone online and meet. But it would be ya know wanted by both me and them.
Their is creepy people on all sites. This site is not a dating site or hook up site. Some users seem to think it is. I do know some couples that met on this site and met in real life and some even got married. Im not even joking.
It is very odd behaviour and would be ringing alarm bells for me. I’ve had a situation in the past where a guy I had spoken to for an hour tops brought up making the 24 HOUR drive to come see me. Very weirdo behaviour. I could kinda see wanting to meet up with someone who you’ve known for quite some time and romantic/sexually feelings are involved mutually on both sides but for a surface level friendship that seems extreme
I have expressed interest in wanting to meet people on a friendly level. there was even one girl a long time ago (9 years ago now) i developed an LDR with. It didn't work out but i still talk to her on a friendly level to this day. I do think we will meet up sometime.
Anyways i think what you are talking about is different. i never read into a casual friendship on here more than the other person. it was never one sided or unrequited. a person who does and decides to try to go meet you... maybe even despite you saying you have no interest... yeah thats delusional and bad. its why you shouldn't dox yourself to people on here unless you really really trust them ( i have with a couple people over the years.)
@mandyfire98 @Still-alive is an individual I would consider my bud. I enjoy his conversations and we respect each other's boundaries. He is definitely right about unrequited attention or casual friendship being one-sided... It's a red flag
As a woman, I'd find it extremely creepy. Take precautions. Meet them in a public place, with friends.
I once met a young man who was waiting at a junction for a woman he'd met on holiday and agreed to meet at a particular place and time, and she did turn up, with a friend.
It's not necessarily creepy, but it does show either a great level of naivete or a lack of understanding social boundaries. I have only met two people that I originally connected with on this site, one of them I never talked to again and the other became my girlfriend. Even though I have other people who are friends from this site and have talked to you many times on the phone, meeting up in person is always a big deal. It should not just be assumed.
In this case I think it might be best to let them know that their expectations are not your expectations. Let them know that you would want to be good friends with someone before you consider meeting up in person, and you're not sure if that's going to happen between you two. And you don't want it to be forced either
Yeah that’s weird. You don’t know who this person really is and when looking at your account bio, you say that you’re happy to DM with people on here, but please don’t ask to talk on another platform and especially do not ask to meet up in person because that will never ever happen. Why don’t you block them, or do they keep coming back with different accounts?
It's happened to me more times than I can count. I don't mind the attention, I just don't like putting those in my life in jeopardy. Goddamn, this power I have over women should be illegal to possess.
Not really. I’m not some standoffish person or anything but nope. If someone is like “Yo, I’m in your city next week!”. We can go chat over a drink or hang out but other than that? I’m just chilling
It's not normal when something that creepy happens, I would stop all conversations with them and report their username to the Administration and block them.
It might make sense if someone lives close and you FaceTime, Zoom, or similar first. Or perhaps one happens to be on a trip to the general area for business or a visit to family or friends. Otherwise it seems desperate to me.
I think it depends. Some of my best friends are people I met online. Meeting somewhere public and safe is one thing, but I’d say that the home address is off limits for a while
I see no general problem in meeting acquaintances on the internet. I have done so and it was always a positive event. Just use your wits and smarts going forward with it.
These are the same people that you know in real life that just invite themselves over when they want to and expect you to hangout with them as if you had no other plans for the day….
In my opinion it would typically not be normal. That being said there is no absolute answer. Trust and communication would be key. IF you feel totally comfortable with it, consider it.
Go with your gut on this, because only you know if this is normal or not. But I can tell from the fact that you asked here that you are uncomfortable with this.
I don't think that's a normal behaviour luv, I don't try to meet people even if I find out they live near me. Some conversations should stay casual only
It's creepy if the person is creepy. I've met several people from on-line encounters and it was fine and a lot of fun. We talked first via phone and video chat, and there were no bad vibes.
I'm in the travel business and travel all over the country, Mexico and Europe for work. Meeting up wasn't a problem logistically if someone was willing. For example, I was attending an agents conference years ago in Orlando, FL, and the person I was talking to lived in Sanford, FL, just 30 minutes away. Easy. Another time I was attending a conference in Vegas and the person lived in San Fran so she flew down to meet me. Easy. That trip was a blast!! We had a lot of fun!
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