Why don't guys want to date single mothers if they aren't asked to be stepfathers and they don't have to be around the kid all the time?

[Anonymous]

[Orion84]

As a man who has dated single mothers, I obviously don't have anything against it, but I might be able to offer some insights.

The first is from personal experience being that, once you've dated long enough, that child (or children) become an integral part of your life. You come to love them, and care about them, as much as the woman you're dating. If the unthinkable happens, and the relationship ends, you have no legitimate claim to continue seeing that child, which is absolutely heartbreaking.

Second, dealing with the biological father can be exhausting, especially if he's not the best guy in the first place (and since she's a single mother, he probably isn't). Obviously, this doesn't apply in every case, but some guys just don't want to take the risk.

Third, and I think probably the most likely amongst men, is that they simply don't want to be responsible for a child that isn't theirs. I'm not saying that's the best reason, but sometimes (not always) the mother is after a wallet, moreso than she's after a relationship, and guys don't want to step into that trap.

Lastly, some guys simply don't want a "ready made" family. They have the idea that their future family will include their own biological children, their own "legacy" and dating a woman who already has a child diminishes the possibility of that becoming a reality.

Now, again, I'm not saying this applies to all men, or every situation. They don't all apply to me. These are just my opinion of what may be the reasons, based on conversations that I've had, or what I've seen/read from other guys.

[Asker]

Thanks for the insight. Do you think that it would be a bad idea for a guy to date a single mom?

[Orion84]

Unfortunately, I can't say whether I believe it would be a good idea, or a bad idea.

It could, potentially, turn out to be the best decision a man could hypothetically make, provided everything worked out, and they were all happy for the rest of their lives.

It could also end very badly, with heartbreak all around, as it did in my case. Ultimately, it's just like anything else in life: that guy has to decide for himself whether he feels the potential gains are worth the potential consequences.

It may well be worth it, for many men, and not worth it for others. I will say that, for every guy that doesn't want to take that chance, they will be another guy that will.

It's by no means impossible for a single mother to end up in a great relationship, with a great guy.

[slatyb]

Because the child's needs will come first. There will be times the mother will be unavailable because she has to care for the child. She will be unable to leave the home unless she can find someone to watch the child. Why should a childless man choose her instead of an childless woman?

[Nikki1989]

Financial responsibility and a fear of commitment. You have to remember, many men these days are dysfunctional, even on a good day.

[Danny_dan92]

I would only do it if the father of her child is dead, in prison. Or not in the picture at all.

[Asker]

Why?

[Danny_dan92]

Tf you mean why?

[Danny_dan92]

Isn’t it obvious?

[Asker]

Not really. I see guys date single mothers all the time so I didn't know it was an issue.

[Danny_dan92]

The amount of stories I hear of the girl still fucking her kid’s dad while with another guy is a valid point of concern

[Asker]

Anything else besides that?

[Danny_dan92]

Nope. Just that

[Asker]

That doesn't happen all the time and it hasn't happened to you so you can't go into a situation thinking like that.

[Anonymous]

Why would I want to come to second to a kid that isn't mine? Why would I risk liking, possibly loving the kid and the never see them again when we break up?

[Asker]

If you're dating you most likely won't meet the kid until later. For the most part it's just gonna be you and the woman.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm still gonna come second to the kid and meet them eventually. Yoir reply changes nothing.

[Asker]

It's not like you're moving in with her, you will only have to see the kid occasionally

[Opinion Owner]

How do you know we would never move in together? What if we're together for several years, I grow to love the kid and then we break up?

We are compatible with many people. We pick one of those people and choose them every day. I'm not going to pick the one with added risks.

[Asker]

Just because someone has a kid doesn't mean they are a risk

[Opinion Owner]

The risk will always be there if they have a kid. How dense can you be?

This is boring. Bye

[Anonymous]

Because you think it's about the kid.🤦‍♂️😆

It what having the kid outside of marriage, or even a committed relationship many times, says about her as a person.

[Intheclouds00]

Good question. I don't know. Nothing wrong with that.

[In_Trance]

most of them are still children themselves

[Anonymous]

Because men hate kids in general.