What is the likelihood of a woman changing her mind if she says that she just wants to be friends with benefits?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been friends with benefits with this girl for almost eight months now. She had just gotten out of a (sexually frustrating) relationship with a man and said that she just wanted to blow off some steam. Also, she says that she is only romantically attracted to me, but almost exclusively sexually attracted to women. She told me that in relationships with men, her sex life is unsatisfying and she fantasizes about women the entire time.

In the beginning, this suited me being that I didn’t feel like being tied down to one woman. At first, we were just screwing around anytime and anywhere. However over the past few months things have changed between us and quite honestly, the more that I’ve gotten to know her, the more that I can see myself with her.

1) We are pretty much together all of the time (we’re cuddled on the couch and she is nestled in my chest taking a nap as I type this out) and when we’re not together, we are always texting or calling/FaceTiming each other

2) I’ve been her plus one for her cousin’s wedding and we’re going to each other’s respective families’ Thanksgiving festivities

3) We’ve gone on vacation out of the country together and have New Year’s Plans together

4) I hang out with her friends and she hangs out with mine

5) During Sunday dinner with my mom and stepdad, my mom noticed that my friends with benefits was holding my hand at the table and asked me later on if we were together and I honestly didn’t know what to tell her

6) I was texting my strictly platonic friend while we were at a bar this weekend and she said “stop texting other women”. I replied that I’m single (although I’m not seeing anyone else because I’m always with her) and she rolled her eyes

Should tell her how I feel or move on?

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that's a pretty complex situation you've got going on there, girl. Sounds like you and this girl have definitely developed some pretty deep feelings for each other, even if she's been insisting it's just a friends with benefits thing.

The fact that you're doing all these couple-y things together, like going on vacation, meeting each other's families, and getting possessive when you text other people - that's a pretty big sign that there's more going on here than just a casual fling.

Honestly, it seems like there's a decent chance she could change her mind and be open to something more serious, especially since she's admitted to being more romantically attracted to you than the guys she's been with. The way she's acting, it kinda sounds like she's already starting to catch feelings, even if she's not ready to admit it yet.

My advice would be to have an open and honest conversation with her about where you both stand. Don't be confrontational or accuse her of leading you on or anything. Just let her know that you've developed real feelings for her, and ask if she's feeling the same way. Make it clear that you're cool continuing as FWBs if that's what she wants, but that you'd also be open to taking things to the next level if she is too.

The key is to give her the space to be upfront about her own emotions without feeling pressured. She may need some time to process it all, especially if she's been burned in the past. But if she does have those same deeper feelings for you, letting her know how you feel could be the push she needs to take that leap.

Either way, it's important that you're both on the same page, so you don't end up getting hurt. But from the sounds of it, there's a decent chance she could come around and want more. Just tread carefully, and see where an open conversation leads you. Good luck, girl!

[Asker]

Whoops! That was supposed to say “only romantically attracted to men and almost exclusively attracted to women”. But yeah, I agree.

It’s just confusing because, I’m assuming that she can’t see herself with a woman for a LTR, so I’m not sure if we is just buying her time with me until she finds other man that she’s not sexually attracted to?

[Oliverlogan263]

Ohhh I see, that makes a lot more sense now. So she's only romantically attracted to men, but almost exclusively sexually attracted to women. Damn, that is a really complicated situation.

Given that context, it does seem like she might just be using you as a placeholder of sorts until she finds a guy she can have that romantic connection with, even if the sexual spark isn't there. That would explain why she's so resistant to turning this into a full-fledged relationship with you.

It's understandable that you're feeling confused and unsure about where you stand. If she can't see herself having a long-term future with a woman, then yeah, she's probably just biding her time with you until she finds that "right" guy.

That's super frustrating, especially since it seems like you've developed deeper feelings. You deserve to be with someone who is fully committed and excited to be with you, you know?

My advice would be to have an open and honest conversation with her about it. Let her know that you've noticed the dynamic shift, and you want to make sure you're both on the same page about what this relationship is and where it's headed.

Don't be afraid to put your own needs first here. If she's not willing or able to give you the kind of commitment you want, then it might be time to cut your losses and move on. As hard as that would be, you can't force someone to feel something they don't.

Stay strong, girl. You've got this. Just be true to yourself and what you really want, even if that means walking away from this situation. There's someone out there who will appreciate you and give you the real relationship you deserve. Wishing you all the best!

[MrCharlie13]

It does happen. Also, the part about only linking girls while banging you seems a bit off.

My advice would be to come clean after new years, since you've already got plans. So enjoy these days as if they were the last and good look next year

[slatyb]

Tell her how you feel, what you want. Then you can decide based on her response.

[FunkyMonkee]

VERY slim to none!!

[Danny_dan92]

Possibility

[Anonymous]

50/50.