I think a lot of my generation at least genuinely lacks the socialization that older generations had which makes dating and even just building friendly relationships with people my age virtually impossible to navigate.
I’m trying to work more on myself to build up my own confidence but I’ve had a difficult time building any meaningful long term relationships with people my age, whether that be romantic or otherwise. It sucks I’ll admit, I feel very lonely and isolated because of it but it is what it is I guess?
What do you think is the primary problem with modern day dating?
if only there were only one primary (main) reason. thing is, even for a primary statusn there are multiple things equally at the roots. some of the multiple primaries include, the internet as a whole (especially social media, meaning any form that has you interacting with other people such as message boards, group chats, chat rooms, dating sites/apps, forums, email, text, here, and anything else where you like/share/reply/comment) as it has falsely inflated everyone's egos, falsely makes everyone think they have a much larger pool of potential partners, and has everyone taking forgranted what they already have available in reality to themselves both as in dating pool and information in general.
stories such as grimm's fairytales (the actual kid friendly versions more commonly told) as these gave people false ideas on what life (dating/relationships in this instance) are actually like and about. whi ch in turn has multiple generations (10 plus) of people who reinforced much of this to their children to the point of most of humankind being in some degree of delusion on the subject, such as thinking only in one gender's happiness counts, love is always on and takes no effort, love/marriage is nothing but a contractual transaction, and "because X, Y, or Z works for them it will work for me too".
society and governments have over-normalized single parenthood as it should only have been normalized for those one offs/extreme cases of the other parent's death (typically due to something tragic) , divorce due to actual severe issues such as real abuse (disagreeing only is not abuse but these days is seen and acted on as if it is) , or abandonment from a parent (ran off from the family) .
the overly normalized use of abortion which turned into a form of birth control for a large minority of people when it should be only for extreme cases such as risking the mother's life to give birth.
man's need for instant gratification, convinience, and ease of access in general (points back towards mostly the internet part) as people seek validation of others constantly due to these for things that validation should have no part of such as how pretty your meal looks on your plate.
the lack of shame for tbings that should be shameful. such as harming others as entertainment and harming one's self with terrible decisions.
in time i could probably think of a few more but i tire of thinking on this subject for now.
For me I get to know somebody through either friends or somehow we meet we communicate and I'm very spontaneous I'll say let's go do this and let's go do that
But the word dating itself it just seems like everything has to be premeditated as we pre-planned and for me that just ruins everything LOL
But if I look at people today and I look at the guys and girls of today guys just don't seem to have it together
Or the money or what it takes or they don't want to put anything into taking out a girl they want them to pay half of the meal if you have a meal or pay half of whatever you doing and I think that's crazy I think that's stupid really
I think it's probably harder for a girl nowadays to find any type of quality guy to even go out on a date or even just be friends with I guess I don't know
And to be honest with you I don't know because I haven't been on a date in such a long time or I haven't even been some place with somebody for a long time because my life changed and I had to take care of somebody for a while that those days are now over so I have to start all over again and I welcome that challenge so maybe I'll have a better answer in the future
Oh really that's how it I become such good friends because I will meet somebody we will start hanging out and then there comes that moment of clarity well I really like this person but will it ever work out would it ever work out and that's the hard part because you have to be honest with yourself and if you just trying to get into her pants and you know it's not going to work out didn't you know you're not going to be friends for very long so you have to wait it out and the odds are I would rather just be friends than lose that person as a friend so that's where it goes and that's where it stays I have some really really good friends that way because of the choices that I made and they were the right ones it's for sure so that's how they get into my friend's circle by making that choice
I mean you’re talking the emotional part, I can never be emotionally attracted to a woman I’m not physically attracted to at first glance. No physical attraction doesn’t grow for me based on personality either.
Well I can look a girl in the eyes and if she's beautiful she's beautiful until she opens her mouth I mean it's just like with a guy so I need to know who the person is on the inside first but it is what it is and we keep involving learning and going forward hopefully
-Self-absorption -Inability to practice self-control -Lack of social and problem-solving skills
Basically, everything that is causing today's dating troubles has stemmed from the fact that most parents for the last generation or two were really shitty at their job.
by the way, that Kelly1 is a dude who has a history of making accounts and pretending to be teenage girls. He blocked me immediately after I told him that I recognized this new account after his last one got removed.
Young women have unrealistic standards. Moreover, they don't understand that hot men date down for sex but they marry equals. Therefore, girls chase after the hottest guys that will f**k them and reject guys within their league that want to marry them.
@Kelley1 Sometimes people argue because what they're challenged on they're actually benefiting from, thus they disagree or because they feel threatened.
you also don't realize that guys only date within their league cuz they can't get hotter girls. Once they can get someone hotter, they will drop her like a hot potato.
@nastyb That is what women do. A woman will quickly find a boyfriend and immediately start looking for an upgrade. Then when she is certain, she pounces.
@nastyb I never said men don't do this of course they do. Women just do it more often, men usually have have less options than women, and men are less likely to feel unsatisfied with their relationship. Women are generally pickier and want to get with the "best" man they can even if it's unrealistic.
It might seem men have less options. But the truth is... a man will get with any woman for sex, but will never ever date or marry her.
You don't have many options because you're poor, and unattractive. Once you get a hair cut and start making a lot of money, you will dump your ugly fat girlfriend for someone better. I PROMISE. A LOT of men have done this. Men do it more.
Well you can't blame the fact that you're old and single because you won't date any woman over 30. Stay old, lonely and single then. 20 yr old women have plenty of options, they don't have to settle for an old man
@morganherrel You are right, our (young women's) best options are short-term. Biologically, somewhere between ages 14 to 18, a girl's sexual market peaks. In modern society, for numerous reasons a girls peak sexual market value shifts upwards so their sexual market value peaks somewhere between ages 18 to 20 or possibly up to 22. Regardless, at whatever age a girl's sexual market value peaks, it is downhill from there; slowly at first, then increasingly more rapid.
By age 25, a girl's sexual market value has lost 10 to 25 percent of its value. By age 30, they are hides with only half their sexual market value remaining. At 30, the hides still have options because simps will marry anyone, and older men, even if they have higher incomes, do not appeal to most young women who are ten years younger; that is, 18 to 22. Therefore, older men must choose older women.
The best option for girls from ages 18 or 20 to 25, is to realize their options for marriage will never be better and to choose from the best available now, and not wait hoping that they will find someone better or more desirable.
Thats not how it works. A woman in her 30s would have men in their 40s-50s chasing them. Women in their 50s will have 60 to 70 yr olds chasing them.
Its just that when she is in her 20s, thats when she gets the hottest, most attractive, desirable men.
Once she hits over 30, she gets the less desirable men.
Lets face it... if you're a 50 yr old man, there is not a very high likelihood that you would be able to get a hot young girl in her 20s unless you have a lot of money. Thats why they settle for women in their 30s-40s
it makes sense, but most people don't have that foresight also it's easier to just blame men for not committing when the truth is the women were never attractive or good enough for commitment in the first place
There is too much narcissism and materialism among women. You can't have meaningful loving relationships with people like that. They are selfish and soulless... Social media has compounded both of those negative traits. You're 18, but even women I know from 35-45 ended up marrying men that were 10-15 years older than them just for the financial stability (image/materialism). Most of them seem really unhappy in life, but that's what women seem to be chasing... Many of those women grew up before the internet really took off and were exposed to a normal social climate in their youth, yet I noticed how many woman I knew when I was younger focused on career and money over love and family and they struggled to get married many at 30-35 years old even though they were good looking girls. Now they are married to guys that are much older and many of them don't have kids. They have decent paying jobs and they travel and complain a lot... Many probably have divorced in their future. Culture among women is a huge problem and I don't know that it can be fixed...
Unrealistic expectations that are being spread by mentally unstable individuals who themselves have no credibility or factual information. their upbringing consisted of living their lives based on the influences of others and what social media said is acceptable or normalized. Rather than investing time to work on themselves or understand why or how their behaviors and ideas became core beliefs to begin with, or the correlation between trauma responses and their current mindset, they jump on the bandwagon because everyone else is doing it and they don't want to feel like the odd one out. They will do whatever everybody else is doing or "popular" in order to try and show they too are worthy of the attention it draws. People who are able to admit when they are wrong and then pursue finding a way to better themselves as a person after their mistakes is very hard to come by these days. Being able to emotionally connect with someone and give them an authentic version of who you are without playing games or manipulation is rare. If people would just drop their guard and be authentic without a fear of judgment from others, I think we would see a whole new generation of individuals who promoted being decent human beings rather than what we see now. what I see these days is individuals who view someone's worth based on what they can gain from them or their misfortunes or struggles. they look to achieve their own selfish comeuppance if able by playing on another person's emotions with no regards or considerations that they too are a human being who deserves genuine care and support without looking to gain something from it.
They don’t care if you happen to find a successful match, they don’t care if you cry your eyes out feeling hopeless that there is someone in this world for you, all they care about ismoney. The app is soulless, heartless, and sterile.
The men pay for women’s meals due to societal pressures like “I want to show I can provide for our life together” or “She’ll think I’m weak / emasculated if I don’t pay” or “I’m not successful in my career unless I pay” which adds up after a lot of dates per month with the fact he is paying for her meal and his…. Every time a man fails to bring a woman back to his place or get called for a second date, he’ll feel like such a fool. Women tend to be more social, emotional, and empathetic than men as a whole so they feel used, manipulated, conned, and ruined from such a failure while crying into their pillow about the woes of dating. It doesn’t have to be this way, it is the dating app not the human beings using the app.
My advice: Meet people IRL and try to hook up, don’t meet on an app. If it isn’t working for you financially, next time state I would like pay for myself, you pay for your meal by explaining why you would want to do that (Already discussed this). Women pick yourselves up and put down the phone/social media/dating apps and talk to guys you find interesting because you might hit it off, go for it. Dating apps work well for others, others not so much and that is okay… Just please know when to quit and meet, chat, and date with people IRL let it happen naturally. Thank you and there is someone for you because YOU are worthy of love.
If modern day dating means dating under Internet's omnipresence, well, it certainly modified interpersonal relations to a great extent, for every generations it seems, except for the older ones perhaps.
I've experienced socialization, and formed long-term relationships, without any internet access, all there was to see back then was our in person circles. It was already a double-edged sword. Personally, I've been lucky as I found belonging during those times, at school and also out of school time. Many others didn't found the right circles, or they found the wrong ones, or they shielded themselves from people.
I've experienced socialization, and formed long-term relationships, using and with the current and constant internet access. I know how to navigate in this landscape too, I learned to do so because I liked what Internet was offering in relation to people, back then, when the first communities were created. It was probably simpler though, there wasn't zillions of pages and places and people and trends and thoughts simultaneously connecting. There were not yet tons and tons of communities of various meanings and purposes.
So, navigating has probably become much more complex, yes. People are getting more and more complex because people are now constantly exposed to many people's thoughts, the best and the worst traits. Navigating is still an essential skill as ever, but oceans are greater also. Now youth? I'm not sure it changed that much.
Overall, youth looks very similar as the youth I knew, still the same questions:
How to navigate here?
What even is this world?
Who are the people I need?
Where are they?
How
What
Who
Where
Good luckin the maze that is this world 🍀
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
Look at all the misandry on the internet since 2010. People posting "Kill all men", and "men only want sex". Movies about 40 year old virgin and male-bashing commercials. And then after enough hate was thrown at men you saw a wave of misogyny.
And then people started distancing themselves from the opposite gender which causes both genders lack understanding of each other and it makes it more difficult for each other to sympathize with one another.
Both genders have it hard and I don't mean in equivalency one gender does have it harder than the other, but that's the issue I am talking about her. Obviously most Femcels aren't pleased with the men who find them attractive or like them which I don't blame them for that. But a Femcel's issue isn't that nobody wants to be with her. They are women that are stuck in a black void socially like men are and unable to find relationships, but those are very very few.
It's not about equivalency of each genders problems it's about the separation from each other. Men are scared interact with women because they read something online that women might call them a creep or falsely accuse them of rape. Women are scared of men because they think they will get raped or stalked.
It's good for the mental health industry because they want people to be paranoid and have ton of anxiety, so they can make money. Like the BetterHelp Company who had a bunch of unqualified therapist working for them. And it's easy to manipulate people when they are isolated. It's divide and conquer. People start fighting each other and are unaware of the corruption going on around them because they are too worried about man spreading or being called creepy.
Well, because dating is not simple like it once was.. Now people (specifically women) seem to have this illusion of choice, and have adopted a more shallow hypergamous view to it. Not to mention there is a wedge driving between men and women because of feminism.. It's made women more self righteous and narcissistic.. Men are also becoming weak by ingesting too much porn, and sexualizing everything.. Either that or we are just becoming too soft and Simpy.. Mix those two things up and that's the dating world today..
I don’t really think women are more hypergomous now a days though. Back in the day women had to marry well since women had less opportunities for work but now that isn’t the case and statistically people tend to couple with people of similar economic backgrounds.
Yeah I sort of agree with you.. I think in some ways because of the illusion of choice they but in other ways compared to the past they are not.. IMHO..
People have become superficial and technology has a part of this processt too.
Older ages used to put more effort meeting other people and getting to know them was way more difficult but these days u can know everything about someone through internet, also communicating became way easier.
In fact, there r so many reasons which would take days to discuss. What u should know that u r still young with lack of experience and u will get better with time and u will be able to maintain a good healthy relationship which depends on ur goals from it 👍🏻
I wouldn't call it a problem per se but a reality that came about after women gained access to birth control and having their own income. These two things mean that women do not need to find a partner which is increasingly portrayed as an emotionally expensive luxury.
On the other hand mens' "need" for sex apparently cannot be anesthetized enough with porn and video games.
As such most women have more bargaining power than most men because women as a whole still have what most men want strongly while most men have lost what used to make them attractive to women when sex usually meant pregnancy and female existence was dependent on male provision.
You know, I've thought about this a lot and I think it has to be done as organically as possible. In person, where you genuinely get a feel for the person, their personality, sense of humor, and just having face to face flirting or conversations. I think there's such a lack of that kind of thing and most people really welcome it. The way it was done in the 70's is how I think of it.
Having a phone, this screen between you detaches the human element of it, makes it seem easier to dismiss or not treat seriously as real genuine interaction.
I think you have a very good point, If its not the entire reason I don't think but it is part of it.
People always used to listen to music in a social setting and get exposed to artists they aren't familiar with. Talking was often sone socially and the very polemic attitude of anyone in politics was less because you heard other options instead of those curated to agree with you. With every thing being more social you had a much better chance of seeing people you might be interested in
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
The biggest problem is that most people aren't living in the real world nearly as much, and instead are trying to live the most important parts of their lives online instead. People don't interact with real people in person in social settings nearly enough, trading that for an artificial life online with people that they will almost never meet in person. That is causing PROFOUND and far-reaching problems in society. The kinds of problems that science fiction writers have been warning about for a century.
People would rather "date" an 8/10 that is hundreds or thousands of miles away rather than a 6/10 person who lives in their town that they could have a real, in-person relationship with, choosing instead a "virtual" (i. e., fake) relationship with their phone.
This is so serious that it's already causing a global depopulation that is likely to result in a regression in technology and lifestyle for those who remain.
I think with dating apps, women have too many options. The littlest red flag or disagreement sends her off to the next guy. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells and what really needs to be said isn't said. Give the person the benefit of the doubt and put more effort into that one individual.
Now to look at it at another angle. I'll talk to a girl for a few days and right about the point where I'll ask her out is when I quit hearing a response, but yet she's still online on the dating app 3 months later and I've been long forgotten. This just means they don't take it seriously and I'm probably not the only guy who's time is getting wasted by this same gal.
The rules change every single day. One day telling you love is good the next day you're invading her interpersonal safety zone and you can never be together because the websites and magazines told her you're being too nice to her and that telling you you love her is wrong. That she needs someone more aggressive and emotionally cold. Also if she doesn't orgasm the first time you have sex then he's not a good lover and she deserves better. Not to mention the fact that she may work at Walmart the media tells her that she deserves a rich Adonis. Most people don't make $100,000 a year and never will. That includes women. Why do women think rich guys will solve all their problems?
Unrealistic expectations, over entitled, women being pampered for too long, media depicting romantic horribly, common dating rituals expected to be mandatory which made the gestures meaningless, dating practices not evolving with society, malwa not learning consent and emotional maturity, lack of self-reflection & emotional intelligence, dating practices used to abuse men, healthy dating practices are seen as boring because there's no drama. Women don't acknowledge their own toxic & self sabotaging traits, men don't just accept rejection, too many people treat romance like a game, and next to no one actually communicates with each other.
Unrealistic standards. And always being on the hunt for the perfect person. Like they don't realize that everyone has flaws. They'll go on a date and that person could breathe wrong and they'll be like "ick I just can't be with a heavy breather" 😂
It teaches people not to be serious. It's like playing in bumper cars every day for years and thinking it will help you become a good car driver. People become experts at looking for an upgrade, not being loyal, breaking up for any reason & no reason.
All the answers are in the past. Find someone who believes that & has high standards for how they behave and you'll be better off.
I really don’t think it’s overly high expectations I, frankly, think people have become less attractive with weight and self care issues on that front. “Instagram model” is a term for a girl with a decent face who’s slender… that doesn’t mean that’s crazy high standards.
I think we should ask those questions to Artificial Intelligence because humans have create it a society that is unrealistic and toxic and we aren't capable anymore of separating facts from fiction.
We are heading for a major disaster and only AI can save humanity from this major crisis and separation of the genders
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Incompatible morals is the main problem. The second most common problem is women often want men that are multiple levels/leagues above them (have many more desirable qualities than she does) instead of going for someone she can actually keep long term.
the sexual revolution is the problem with modern day dating
the trickle down effects from the past has made its way into modern culture, completely normalizing sex and intimacy into a commodity absence of love but purely on primitive lust like a drug
with the increase in promiscuity it becomes an increase in divorces, infidelity, abortions, emotional baggage, paternity fraud, degenerate lifestyle e. g. cuckoldry and many more
I've always been intimidated easily by having to socialize due to the fact I was a bit of a red nosed reindeer and not really allowed to play reindeer games much growing up. As an adult in their mid-thirties, I still struggle to socialize or approach others to talk that I don't know. It's very hard, but I'm getting better at it. I have to be tactful.
A good solution would be if people just spelled it out. Even a shirt that has words on it is false security.
When I was in your age range I usually became friends with a girl so we got to know each other somewhat and were comfortable with each other before asking her on a date then we'd go for a meal and just sit and talk, enjoying each other's company. Then we'd progress to going to a movie where we'd hold hands and possibly cuddle. Slowly working up to making out which included kissing, touching each other and sometimes just holding hands and enjoying each other's company.
100 years ago, the men had all the power and they overdid it. So the women fought for their rights. And so the laws changed. And then the culture changed. But the women didn't realize that the men had changed. So they kept fighting against them. So the good men gave up and dropped out of the game. Because they felt like they weren't being treated fairly, since they didn't do anything wrong. So now all that's left are angry and bitter women along with douchy men.
Christ there are too many to even name one. Modern day dating rituals are proof humanity needs to be wiped off the face of the earth. Animals literally smell eachothers pheromones and get it on, then go back to doing animal stuff, frolicking in the woods unbothered until next mating season.
On a societal level declining birth rates and more single parent households but individually a societal change doesn't have only losers but also winners.
The biggest winners are fuckboys, sluts and women seeking a long term relationship.
People especially women have to many choices to choose from. So they always think there's some one better out there for them. People expect too much from another person. People have checklists that they do not want to change. People do not give others a chance. In fed up of the dating world. I'll be single if I have to for the rest of my life. But I'll still show interest.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Hmmmm. . . I'm not sure I know exactly what you mean when you say it's impossible to navigate. If you want to get better at forming relationships with people, just go out and interact with/meet other people. Then DO things with them. The ones you enjoy doing things with the most and who enjoy doing things with you will become friends. Take it from there.
I think the biggest issue is that 2,5" x 5.5" device in your hand called the do everything smartphone. Instead of meeting prospects in person we've taken the lazy no effort way to find our dates which usually don't work out!
The over-reliance upon technology. Ditch the stupid "smartphones", and go back to the way it used to be; you know, actually meeting the person in person for the first time, and not through a text.
No one actually knowing what love is…God is love so until you learn to love and maintain a relationship with him you can’t maintain any other relationship.
it's more about religion, you have a point, so once people are able to love the god and have a nice relationship with the god then they will find true love
People these days don't believe in loyalty. Both men and women just want to hit as many people as possible. They believe in quantity more than quality.
Everyone is too guarded, find almost anything “red flags”, no longer have proper communication and problem solving skills, don’t know how to demonstrate loyalty
The same as it’s always been- men and women love based on the conditional expectation of “what must be”, rather than an unconditional acceptance of “what is”
I think there's a very high level of problem avoidance. 100 years ago, if you had a problem with someone, well, you're stuck with him for the next 30 years, so you better think of a way to meet in the middle. Now, ghost and forget, next.
I think it is more free to date actually. So other then there being a problem it has become easier to get a date. At least for those who are social and attractive enough to get dates.
Nothing. in my opinion every generation complains about dating when they're young it's just that today's generation has larger platforms to complain on.
Preconceived notions and a lack of openness with intentions being exacerbated but social media and dating apps which have real psychological effects on us, especially our self esteem/egos.
People like to rush and communicating skills are lacking
I came from a question here where she put the convo up.
GuyYou can
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
Regardless of the nuances and prejudices of your generation, I don't think electronic forms of matching and dating strangers work naturally for women in particular.
Social media has harmed dating on many levels. It distorts reality and creates shallow humans.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Dating apps, they tend to give women this false sense that they are more attractive than they are. Casing 2's to believe they are 10's and deserve 10's.
People being in genuine and taking the relationship I seriously while the other person is. I also think people just don’t want to be alone so they date people as a placeholder in their life.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(45 Plus)
1 y
No one culture anymore. Too many people who don't fit. That's the only problem.
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0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
1 y
Too many girls are dating the same guy, holding out for the same guy, waiting for him to change, etc
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