What is wrong with modern dating?

Question

What do you think is wrong with modern dating? And most importantly how do you think we can make a difference in improving the situation?

It seems like in an imperfect world with imperfect people, imperfect people should still be able to date imperfect people successfully. This doesn't feel like it's true in modern dating. Any small or medium size hickup is enough to end a relationship or stop one from starting in the first place.

Obviously we all should strive to be better people and better partners. But if I had to wait until I was the perfect person I would never date anyone. What do you all think?

fartingspinster · Accepted Answer

Hook up culture, difficult economic times, and role reversals id say. Im gonna vent here: Role reversals aren't so bad as long as its discussed- but lots of times a guy is the one asking me out, wants to choose the place and pick me up so I assume its a traditional date. I prefer to be on best behavior and try to enjoy myself and make him feel good too... sometimes thats draining and a lot of effort. Then the waitress comes and asks if the bill is together or separate and this dude loses all decision making abilities and looks at me. It's fucking embarrassing having to be in that situation and have to speak up that its separate while the guy just stays quiet and looks down or at me... I dont mind paying for my dates, but that means I drive myself so I feel safe, that means I choose whatever the fuck I want on the menu without him making remarks, and that means im included in the decision on where to eat too. Also, just have the fucking conversation before the waitress asks... so I make that a rule now... its a fucking honor to pay for my meal. Most men make it seem like its unfair and want to ge pampered on a date and why do they always have to pay? Well they are willing to pay if a girl puts out or makes less than them, but when they find out you make good money and dont play into hook up culture they dont think paying for a meal is worth it. It's kind of weird that sex is exhanged for food... its just a different currency.

Like I said, im going on the date for the experience, but it would be nice to be treated like a girl (bill aside). Open the door, be attentive and ask me if the window down is too cold or the music is too loud. The art of dating is dead. The date doesn't even have to be food centered. In the 50's dates were like the mating call for humans. Thats how a girl knew if a guy was creative and a good provider. What are the mating call for humans now? There literally isn't one. People are coupling up through virtual means or one night stands... its odd.

xcheerleader_jessx · Accepted Answer

One of the root causes is selfishness. Many seek another so that person can make them happy. They have it backwards: one should date another to make that person happy. I'm not saying you should be a slave to that person... But instead of of always thinking what you can get out of it (status, money, power, entertainment etc), put someone else before your wants (notice I didn't say needs). Of course, this should be reciprocated by your partner. If it is not then it helps you weed out who is not going to be worth your time.

This is also a result of not challenging kids. Parents have things easy for us. Once most of us encounter the smallest obstacle, we either look for someone else to fix it, we ignore or we flee. We need to be warriors for someone else we care for. If we don't see eye to eye on something then we need to talk about. Communication may get raw but that's how we get to know each other better and it offers us an opportunity to problem-solve. We may not get it right the first time but it helps us gain trust with each other. Despite our differences we're not giving up easily bc we care and maybe love one another.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

I'm going to venture out there and say nothing is wrong with it. In fact, I don't even consider it a thing that's taken shape outside of what's provided.

I'm in America... a kid is about half a million dollars blown out your ass to just have a kid over the 18 years... what's the plus side of that? That fucking kid is no longer an extra farm hand or cook by probability standards... you're just having the kid to have a kid. Oh... think about this, that was just my male perspective, but you know what I got to look out for?

Women, will use kids for money. I don't know about you but just knowing that shit makes me not want to cuddle or have warm feelings. Marriage = alimony right? Just money?

How can we make dating better is the question... take the punishments out of it. Relationships are nothing but a financial punishment for the males and a probable financial gain for females. What happened to love? She can't love no more unless he makes this much or is that tall? WTF is even that bullshit going on?

You're going to have to hit it in the culture and the pot water gets poured into to make any change at all. Water takes the shape of the container and relationships are just doing that. Is what it is. I don't even know why the government approves of marriage outside of also being about making some money for themselves.

Honestly outside of greedy money hungry fools... the only people I see shooting for relationships just want to limit sexual interactions for the partner through some sort of commitment. Mate guarding basically... like "back off bro she's mine" type of bullshit.

This world is fucked and feminism just made it worse.

SolitarySolace · Accepted Answer

Modern dating has become increasingly difficult, especially for men. With the rise of social media, dating apps, and shifting societal norms, many men find themselves facing unrealistic expectations while receiving little in return. The pressure to be financially successful, emotionally available, and physically attractive all at once creates a high bar that the average man struggles to meet. Meanwhile, traditional dating values like commitment, loyalty, and mutual effort have eroded, leading to more short-term thinking and less genuine connection.

At the same time, women also face challenges, but they generally have more options in the dating market due to how modern platforms are structured. However, this often leads to dissatisfaction, as an abundance of choice makes it harder to settle on one person.

In the end, both men and women struggle, but the ways they struggle are very different. The real question is—how do we shift dating culture back toward something healthier and more balanced?
- Eva ❤️

Summeroflove · Answer

Many people don’t want a genuine connection. They want sex, money, social status, and other things along those lines. They want a trophy. They want bla bla bla. The unfortunate thing is many of these individuals are not honest about what they want and will pretend to be someone they’re not.

Eventually people who want something serious get fucked over enough times they they give up. That or some become demoralized and begin doing the same thing but karma hits them harder most the time because they should know better.

Others stick it out and eventually find someone else whose wanting the same thing.

HawkPerception · Answer

Social media, feminism, lack of empathy and logic, bad and neglecting parenting

DishLady · Answer

You have a month for me to tell you? Pfft. I’ll just say “everything” and be done.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

So some perspective:

People can have flaws and still be perfect.

Perfect is merely "you check all the boxes to be compatible, comforting, entertaining, and arousing to the person who has those boxes.

Many people have just a few boxes, many have a lot. Many have boxes that need opposite checks than other people's boxes do.

There is no such thing as a superior person, but perfection, perfection exists in countless ways, and often achieveing perfection has nothing to do with changing anything about yourself.

I'm already a perfect match for the type of woman I want, not because I'm objectively better in any way, but because I'm the type of man she would want.

You have to allow yourself to acknowledge that perfection is subjective, not everyone wants the same things.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

A lot of people seem to make 3 wild assumptions. And even if they aren't consciously making these assumptions, they live like they are.

There will always be time for that (whatever "that" happens to be in the moment) later.
I have plenty of options, so whatever doesn't work out just wasn't meant for me.
[The other person] isn't going anywhere. Things need to happen on my schedule.

That mindset creates a lot of dating problems because there's no sense of immediacy about connections. I think it also represents this silly idea that everyone is going to recognize the moment where the heavens align. People like to say that you only live once, and that's very true. The other side of that coin is that life only happens to you once, and it's pretty easy to miss the greenlights you're getting because you have this silly idea about what shade of green a greenlight should have.

Abbycado · Answer

There isn't anything wrong with modern dating that I can tell. I met my boyfriend at school. I have seen countless other people do the same.

We are just shy of 50k students on the main campus. There are plenty of opportunities to meet and date.

molonski2 · Answer

Phones No 1

Ignorance No 2

But phones , just out and out rudeness , imagine going out with someone then watching some stupid video , or communicating with another , so absolutely RUDE and such total ignorance.

And you know what I saw it last night , absolutely infuriating.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Nothing wrong  I can notice around me, the way couples form and live out their relationships is probably different for each generation, social class and country though. Nothing new  either, some people are rigid enough, daydreaming of supposedly better days from the past, believing that the present is somehow an enemy. While some people were raised flexible enough to enjoy the current times.

Pohjolan · Answer

Nothing wrong per se. People and their preferences have just shifted.

Looks are now more important than before but paradoxically people are not taking care of themselves as much as before.

Also more women than before are fine with sharing one guy which is great for said guys but not so much for those losing out.

Also lower birth rates will cause various problems societally.

We are going through another bottleneck in human evolution.

PrincessC16 · Answer

What's wrong with the dating world is that people no longer respect each other as individuals. The culture has now turned to nothing but a hookup show. You can't create meaningful relationships like this. And it's all about instant gratification.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nothing with wrong with modern dating. It is just some people have a shitty attitude. You can see those attitudes every day on here. It is no wonder why so many are hopelessly single and are probably doomed to stay that way.

overlord337645 · Answer

in modern dating when you reveal something to someone like you have been hurt in the past instead of being sympathetic some people actually turn around and hurt you further until they realize its not working or until you break

NicholasRedone · Answer

Usually in person lust at first sight is all a relationship takes. I cringe at the spark - sighs - but it is what it is. it kick starts the relationship or a one night stand - the lust at first eye to eye 👀👀👀 if mutual only

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Social media is putting a big strain on people actually liking the opposite sex.. Men and woman seem to hate each other more than any other gen..

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tzdc21 · Answer

Dude, you could write a book series on this topic alone. So many topics and avenues to travel down to explain what's wrong with modern dating

DellBell · Answer

Me I'm perfectly happy being single if it happens it if not that's okay too 😅  At this day and age I'm not really bothered about relationships

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

It's too focused sex and money and what social media says you should believe. Statistics rule everything and the "experts" tell us how we should live out lives.

Oncewildtwiceburned · Answer

The easier question, that not many are asking, is; “What does modern dating get right?”

SeekerOfTruth007 · Answer

Lust at first sight is what has always been wrong with humanity.

Anonymous · Answer

Women do not want relationships anymore. They think they do, but they don't. Every action that take is to the contrary. Women by in large today just want fans that is all.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Nothing. The worse attracts the worse. The decent attracts the decent. Always been that way and will continue to be that way.

msc545 · Answer

For many women. even being a half-mile outside of her "Acceptable distance" is enough to prevent interest on her part.

SuperZonicGUY1992 · Answer

I will tell you what's wrong the racist Trump fans who want to brain wash with hate their boyfriend and girlfriend!

orange_roach · Answer

Well, I never dated. But, I’m glad I never will. Yuck! 🤢

Manuelwe · Answer

No history involve and she can change het mind after sex. You might want her to do the laundry without love

Godihateyou · Answer

Nothing. It's awesome. With technology i can completely forego American woman and date trad wives in Eastern Europe or Asia

Eempriyanka · Answer

People don't talk to each other like old ways, watching others

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I didn't notice any problems :D

NathanDavis · Answer

I've never had any issue with it before...

LiamJHayden · Answer

It tends to be openly transactional.

Anonymous · Answer

People are too willing to give up early on

James994 · Answer

I'm happy being single

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

whats wrong with it?

Anonymous · Answer

Dating is dead now

What is wrong with modern dating?

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