Everyone, What do you think is wrong with todays dating scene?

[pethouse]

[RomanticRealist]

I don't think dating is overall worse than past generations, but we do have our challenges for sure. I'm glad to have grown up as a millennial when it comes to dating, as I couldn't do the even more overt sexist and conservative traditional norms of past generations. Not my thing.

I think for millennials (and Gen Z most likely) our problems are:

- Paradox of choice. I think the options seem endless on dating apps, so sometimes we focus on seeking perfection instead of deepening how we look at relationships and addressing any issues within ourselves. It's probably easier than ever to be extremely picky, which is both good and bad in some ways.

- That our first impressions are often based on a profile, which can be very different from the actual experience when you actual talk to and see that man (or woman). Guys who seem nice and chill at first, you talk and text/message and get excited and then meet them or even have one phone call and it's like, ohhhhhh - absolutely not. The negative traits that you can more easily pick up when actually having an in-person conversation with someone are temporarily hidden by the screen. This can lead to trying to screen out guys even more, unfortunately, perhaps making the first issue above worse sometimes.

- I think apps need to be better at helping you filter out people who don't share political beliefs. This is an age of heightened awareness of our division and an emboldened far right. I had/have no interest whatsoever. I would say I'm leftist and that still wouldn't stop them from messaging me and I'd have to find out after talking for a while what their beliefs were. I legit had at least one Trumper trying to date me and I have that I'm a socialist feminist on my profile. And I made it clear that I wasn't trying to hook up. To be fair, that would happen sometimes in person too. My old roommate was really into me and he was a moderate/conservative. He said he doesn't like when people are too far to the left when we were first getting to know each other. I then told I'm I'm all the way on the left and need my commie babe. He said, "I could be communist." What? Men kill me, I swear lol

I had to make sure I asked early on in messaging someone about their beliefs.

- I think certain personality types are especially isolated in the age where online messaging and social media can be your main way of socializing with people. It doesn't mean most people do that. When I go out to meetup groups, social situations, out to the park, etc. - people are everywhere. However, I do think things may be especially hard for people who aren't very extroverted and confident. And even we struggle with it sometimes. It's easy to rely on that as your connection with the world and that does impact dating and connections that could be made. This probably has affected social skills.

[jennifer_bloom]

I will use Chinese new years celebrations as an example - I hate watching it cause it looks fake - their words are pre planned, their facial expressions are fake, the clothes are uncomfortable, their jokes are vain and do not disclose how they actually feel or think. A lot of men turn dates into procedures and impersonal processes and not emotionally intimate exchanges between caring and interested people and a lot of women under estimate the sacrifices guys make to impress them and they waste their money. My ex best friend was a shining example of a good connection - we talked on the phone for over 6 hours a week but we never spent more than $5.00 a week on each other. We would go swimming at the recreation facility for $2.00 a week and we would eat patties at the deli next door for $2.00 a week. We never met at restaurants and we never cooked for each other unless it was a special holiday. But we loved each other more than family members love each other and we were best friends for almost 19 years.

[Assi2k]

How come you’re no longer friends?

[jennifer_bloom]

@Assi2k One big factor was I moved to a different city and couldn't bike to her house like I used to. Eventually the lack of weekly contact caused us to drift apart.

[Assi2k]

It is difficult whenever we have to say goodbye to someone we love but even worse when we had a special connection. Thank you for sharing.

[DubiousIntentions]

Lately I have seen in the news that men are using the dating sites to meet a woman to rape her, and in some cases, to kill her. That alone would steer me clear of dating sites. At least sites where people are anonymous.

[jennifer_bloom]

@DubiousIntentions Yes I am aware that both decent people and very very bad people use dating sites. But abusers don't usually try too hard to fake their personality so if you have long term exposure to somebody, they are less likely to be pretentious.

[RavVid]

Interesting you say men turn dates into procedures and processes. I suppose that is a safe way to do it but kinda missing the point.

[Spiritofn]

I failed this... I shot my shit with a girl in grade 1 she wasn't interested..

Whole elementary school didn't talk to women after.. had 1 stupid relationship that same girl gr.1 came interested, but she was no longer in my class and I didn't give a Fok, real dumb lol. Come jr. high had a stupid relationship that I wasn't Interested in. Grade 10 had a sex marathon with my first real considered relationship I wasn't interested in her either but w/e let it flow. Failed that cheated on her with my best friends X... I moved towns and ya somehow that happened. I want to kill myself somedayys still because of it.. & then again got in a relationship after I didn't want to be in. That was my last relationship I was In. Besides off and on current relationship which I didn't want to be in either but at least she makes me the happiest in the world when she's acting right.

Basically I would push it to bad match making life isn't easy you have to push for raw carnal nature but at the same time be tender as the beast can be..

"In my next life" just gonna teachh my kid to follow his instincts as strong as he can while I give him her the proper balance of whayever I can provide. I want a daughter but I'm sure. I would be. 60x more prepared. for. a male. &. I wanted. A male first for. Years and years and. Years. I've wanted kids & felt ready since 18-19 years of age. But I had a hard time admitting it.

[JSmuve]

Women have too many options on social media/apps and men have too few, which leads to narcissism/simp culture and distorted dating perceptions

People tend to treat others like disposable objects and have little respect for other’s feelings and time

There’s a lack of effort and communication, and an expectation that men should do all of the heavy lifting, which makes it appear like women aren’t interested

Women don’t put much effort into appearing approachable, which shuts lots of men out of the dating market

There’s a pervasive shaming culture towards men which feminizes them while the female empowerment movement has only made women more masculine in attitude

We’re out of touch with what the other gender wants and society’s push towards encouraging independence has made us selfish where we only want temporary companionship before moving onto the next person

There's a lack of trust between the genders... everyone's always suspicious of the other's motives and assumes the worst

[Asad1ONE1]

Narcissism/simp culture LOLOLOL!!

[OlderAndWiser]

Young people have grown up communicating through cell phones and texts instead of talking to each other and many of them are lacking in basic social skills. They are so afraid of each other that they don't call it "dating" because that would be an expression of caring, and that leaves you vulnerable; instead they call it "hanging out" and, if it doesn't work out, they send a text to break up and say to themselves, "No big deal! It's not like we were actually dating!"

[Gibbons44]

That instead of finding our best matching, or consentually building a life as-desired, we fall for the 'whoever grabs first, by coercion or cheating especially, wins' attitude.

There is too much of the globally tiny minority of blue eyed whites _having_ to make our girls make available to all others but not to ourselves, else we are 'racist' - instead of each matching to their closer IQ level and body characteristics and simply being good neighbours.

In turn, the blue eyed people effectively going extinct has hugely negative consequnces to finance, share markets, housing etc - it is an active reversal of Europe from enlightment into the dark middle ages. You can guess that, if that goes on, the prices of everything will skyrocket and governance as a concept will disappear, the world will go to tribalism, oppression and, most probably, continued warfare - until the blue eyed, the only ones eho can see the full spectrum of colours, can breed (and freely breathe) again.

Political 'correctness' will have you believe that it is better to stay on the course if economic collapse than to maintain freedom of expression and freedom of association (as well as the freedom to not associate with people one has no interest in nor the time for). That political correctness is anti-demicratic and anti-civil, it is absolutist oppresive, dictatorial.

[pupluv45]

1. men sleep around too much. they expect women to put out by a certain date.

2. people lack social skills. back then , people used to have very good conversational skills. nowadays, if you take a look around. it is only older folks 45+ that have social skills. most people younger than that dont have it.

3. having smart phones, internet gives us the excuse not to strike up conversations with neighbors or go out into our community to meet others. how often do you stay home and just watch tv or go surf the net instead of walk around in your community to strike up a conversation with your neighbors? how often had you seen people bury their heads into their phones so they can avoid small talk in the elevator? now people wonder why they are still single at an older age. because you never get to know new people!!!

4. expectations are too high. when relationships are optional rather than a necessity to survival. this makes very fragile relationships. The convienience of leaving whenever you want, makes the relationship very easy breakable.

[Asad1ONE1]

Life is short for a reason

[VanillaSalt]

I agree with all this but I feel 1 is out of place… It’s not just men sleeping around. On the contrary infidelity is on the rise for women these days especially if you include posing revealing pictures on social media.

Now I won’t deny men WANT you to put out and if you hold out too long then we will get bored and move on… but you choosing to put out isn’t exactly helping you find a man if your single. I can’t respect a woman that easily puts out on the first date every time she meets a guy she’s halfway interested in. To me I’m getting something dozens of others have had rather then something reserved only for someone special. But I’m a very monogamous man. The moment I’m invested in you the clocks ticking. I won’t deny my urges for sex forever as I value physical intimacy too much. That being said there’s other options rather then full out sex that women just don’t consider. Women need to learn how to be intimate without being sexual.

[Asad1ONE1]

@VanillaSalt Yes she already knows she's being sexist. Just a close-minded opinion by a hurt person. But no excuses. Everyone sleeps around sadly.

[pupluv45]

@VanillaSalt

[ I can’t respect a woman that easily puts out on the first date every time she meets a guy she’s halfway interested in.]

if you're expecting a woman to put out by the 3rd date, you are a slut yourself. So quit judging women for sleeping around if you sleep around yourself.

[pupluv45]

@Asad1ONE1

there was nothing false about what i've said. you are a slut but you want to judge women being sluts.

[pupluv45]

@Asad1ONE1

you're just butt hurt I said FACTS!

[VanillaSalt]

@pupluv45 a 3rd or 4th date for me is a month or two into the relationship… furthermore did you miss the intimacy not being sexual part? I said nothing like what you just said.

[pupluv45]

@VanillaSalt

you're still a fucking slut. You still barely know someone after month or two into dating

quite funny how sluts won't date other sluts themselves. the hypocrisy.

[Asad1ONE1]

I'm not a slut I've never "slept" lol. Yet alone "sleep around"

And you're only proving me right with your frustrations.

Women sleep around as well. And many women hate men to be sleeping around also.

This goes both ways.

I think you're upset at a double standard that doesn't even exist.

[Asad1ONE1]

Many women only want their men to be "virginal"

[catiecatie]

I’ve honestly wondered that myself. I’m on dating apps and it seems like we can talk, but can’t get past the talking phase or if we do end up seeing each other either the guy doesn’t make a move or I get ghosted. Some times the guys can come off as a little desperate to me as well. Like back off and let me have some space. It’s easier to meet someone, but what happened to actually going out and having to meet someone somewhere and shoot your shot? Can we go back to those days? I mean that would be so much easier then just talking and then nothing comes out of it. Or if you see someone and you know that you two would work out then it’s like a waiting game. At this point I’m just tempted to add my crush on Facebook, he comes up as a friend suggestion, and he is also on the dating apps. I don't know what is being said about me at my old job, but it would be nice if we could just end this madness, as we have a lot in common.

[Weapon77]

The short answer is we don't actually court each other anymore, and we are too obsessed with being in relationships to take our time and get good ones. We move on too quickly from ended relationships because we just HAVE to have someone, instead of waiting a few months or so to find a GOOD one. Too muvh fucking before we actually know how we feel about people too. I don't think like 90% of girls know that they if their body count is over 30 they've statistically probably fucked a murderer. That's a terrifying thought.

[Gen_Z_Rando]

The lack of romantic or fulfilling sex and care. People want to get off, which is fine, but if you want an actual relationship, maybe, just maybe, don't use the bs like tinder, bumble, or grindr cause let's be real here, it rarely results in healthy relationships. By now we should all be deeply aware of the lack of genuine romantic sex, might just be my experience of those apps, but really more people should seek actual relationships instead of f*ck buddies and hookups (though it is still obviously okay to do so, open relationships, polygamous ones, etc. are all a part of being a person, just chill a bit and take your time)

[lucasnabizada]

Over-reliance on materialism and casual sex- over the considerations of actual substance and value in people.

Men and women both express that they want a lasting partner but are attracted by stereotypes of the opposite of what they are looking for. A lot of times modern dating is nothing more than a transaction of sex/attention for money/financial incentive.(I don't mean cash i mean restaurants, gifts, rings, weddings etc) There are really little feelings involved there even if people want to convince themselves there are.

[Anonymous]

That many people take it too fast and without thinking, and some even get with others because they don't want to be alone or just for fun, not because they truly like the person. And the empowerment movement or whatever isn't helping, fucking around just to get off isn't beneficial for no one.

Meet people, if you start having interest towards someone and real feelings that don't involve sexual thoughts, then make a move to get closer to that person, have healthy fun together, truly meet each other, it's not all about sex, that can wait, don't rush, sex's just part of a relationship, no relationship lasts on sex only, a relationship depends solely on the connection two people have.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong - it truly depends on yourself.
Some people don’t want to date, some people want a relationship. Some folks enjoy their solitude and some people are co dependant.
I don’t date so I find nothing wrong with it.
Besides, we don’t need relationships in this day and age anyway. I’ve had sex before and didn’t care for how I was treated out of the bedroom, it’s simply not worth it.
My life’s busy and I don’t have time or capacity to put up with someone’s crap.
Next Question.

[NZGirl07]

I think online dating has been a negative thing in a few ways, with people being superfical, always thinking they can find someone better instead of actually getting to know a person. And it also takes the fun out of dating a bit, with the crushing, and the unknown.

I also think so many people are stuck in unhappy "situationships" where the relationship is not labelled, but one person is always unsatisfied and wanting more.

[VanillaSalt]

Do you think you have romanticized dating a bit?

[electromagnetic]

I have no been in the dating scene in a couple of years but my friend recently went on a date with some dude.

first date, all good, second, good. Then he offers to take her out on a third. They make plans, confirm and the day it’s suppose to happen, he disappeared. Never to be heard from again.

She says she believes a lot of jokes now are disingenuous about their intentions when it comes to dating. Or don’t have the guts to say they’re not interested anymore.

[RockyHammock]

Guys, like girls, when dating reach a point where they have to evaluate the relationship. He decided she wasn't for him and that's ok. Coming from experience, he might of felt like the girl would try and change herself to fill in the void that he sought.

[RavVid]

I think it is the pre-dating scene that is the problem.

In the past there was more social infrastructure for guys and girls to meet and decide if they liked each other. I'm thinking of local dances prior to the 60's. Probably nostalgia for a time long past on my part. If you go to a club it is a fairly hostile environment. One club in Australia has put in 'pink police' and you can get thrown out if you say hello and the girl doesn't like it. Or a girl catches your eye and you look at her.

Probably the girls are more reasonable than the club is but I have been regarded as a rapist at saying hello.

I like to go partner dancing venues. You can ask any girl for a dance and she'll say yes. In fact the only time a girl did say no, she chased after me and explained she had just refused a guy who was a bit touchy and of course she'd love to dance with me.

A great deal of difference...

[jshm2]

Nothing.

The thing "wrong" is with people themselves. Either they are "porned up" and think they just have to shoot their shit like they see in porn, to get instant sex. Or they are incels/femcels who think being a fucking asshole but passing it off as "assertive" is what it takes.

[AdithyaR]

People aren't honest.
There's nothing wrong with wanting a relationship, wanting kids, wanting friends with benefits or wanting a one night stand. Just that you have to be honest about it.
I see way too many cases of people lying to get what they want and leaving once they do or hidjotheir actual needs and later causing issues cause of that.

[Hanrej]

That everyone on the dating scene is objectifying the other and trying to manipulate said person to fit into their own life.

We need to understand that very few wishes their life to depend on someone else or feel like they're losing control. The datingscene need to be about spending quality time rather than be thought of as a means to an end.

[Paulalove98]

The hookup culture and people have stopped trying to make an effort into a real relationship, so people just give up when one thing goes wrong, nobody communicates their feelings either, it’s all a mess.

[tina_695]

The hookup culture has ruined everything because sex is easy
People have lot of trust issues so fear of falling in love
Fear of commitment
Dating apps has corrupted everyone as there is no seriousness

[UnculturedBrute]

- Social media has destroyed the way people communicate with each other. People are unable to engage in conversations that last longer than 2 minutes because 10 second clips on TikTok and Instagram have shortened their attention spans.

- Dating apps and texting has made it much easier for people to lie to each other before going out on a date. Guys lie about they're income or height, whereas girls disguise themselves with makeup in airbrushed photos.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I think many people just swipe or give up on modern methods like datingsites or apps too easily.
Yes there are creeps there but that doesn't mean that there aren't good men on those same apps.

[katiesmuff]

I don't think they've figured it out yet that some things have to be accomplished without that smartphone.