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I've been on & off online dating for years. I've recently reinstalled 2 of my old apps. I got chatting to someone who seems nice and conversation flows, and we seem to have a lot in common. There might be a cultural factor in this as he's Nigerian, but he was based here before we got chatting. He had to move back home to West Africa to look after his ill mum.
A few weeks into chatting, I got some odd vibes from him where I had to explain to him some concerns. To put this into context, he had asked me in generic terms what would make a relationship stand out extra for me, and I had said emotional intelligence as I never dated anyone like that and I deem it a rather special sort of intimacy. He said that I would get it on abundance.
Coming to the incident where I got a weird vibe, we were talking about something else, and admittedly, it's hard to decipher meaning behind the written word, especially when you're getting to know someone. I essentially got the impression he was telling me to think in a certain way and I basically said no, I can think for myself kinda message and he apologised and said he didn't mean it that way and explained himself further. However, he took several hours to reply, which in itself isn't a big deal. He then said, "Sorry if I've offended you," then again took several hours to see that message. I wasn't offended, but it made me think, what if I had been? He claims to be really into me, so surely he would be on his phone to reassure me quickly once I replied if I had been, rather than leaving it hours to see my message? I appreciate that we're busy, and I'm not expecting him to be on his phone 24/7, but from an emotional POV, surely he would want to be there to say something if he had?
He's also expressed several times that he's thankful that we've met, that we're perfect for one another, he's not met anyone like me and he's already told me once officially that he's loves me. We've only been talking 1 month. It just feels a bit much.
A few weeks into chatting, I got some odd vibes from him where I had to explain to him some concerns. To put this into context, he had asked me in generic terms what would make a relationship stand out extra for me, and I had said emotional intelligence as I never dated anyone like that and I deem it a rather special sort of intimacy. He said that I would get it on abundance.
Coming to the incident where I got a weird vibe, we were talking about something else, and admittedly, it's hard to decipher meaning behind the written word, especially when you're getting to know someone. I essentially got the impression he was telling me to think in a certain way and I basically said no, I can think for myself kinda message and he apologised and said he didn't mean it that way and explained himself further. However, he took several hours to reply, which in itself isn't a big deal. He then said, "Sorry if I've offended you," then again took several hours to see that message. I wasn't offended, but it made me think, what if I had been? He claims to be really into me, so surely he would be on his phone to reassure me quickly once I replied if I had been, rather than leaving it hours to see my message? I appreciate that we're busy, and I'm not expecting him to be on his phone 24/7, but from an emotional POV, surely he would want to be there to say something if he had?
He's also expressed several times that he's thankful that we've met, that we're perfect for one another, he's not met anyone like me and he's already told me once officially that he's loves me. We've only been talking 1 month. It just feels a bit much.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Love bombing is someone giving excessive gifts, attention, & praise to try & get a specific outcome. The outcome is normally to win you over then start to slowly withdraw the gifts, attention, & praise, leaving you hanging on a thread & wanting them to like you again. It’s a tactic to control.
This dude sounds needy & obsessive. He’s saying he loves you after 1 month of talking? Nahhh too much too soon. Especially for a long distance relationship & especially because you’ve only just started talking.
Hiya thanks for the reply. Yes I know but they use phrases like you're my soulmate you're perfect, to create that emotional bond first.
I'm wary as my last relationship was domestic abuse so I'm not sure if I'm being over vigilant reacting appropriately.
Yeah that's my thoughts too, way too soon! He says it's a cultural thing so 🤷♀️ I just needed a reality check, thank you!
Could be genuine, but stay tuned for any love bombing.
Thank you. I just felt this weird vibe and said we've should stop which he disagrees. I had also asked for selfies which we both exchanged and later, I also realised that he sent me a picture from several months ago, but he told me that he would be going out later that day and would send me 1 when he was out. So when I got it I believed it to from that day. Now looking back on his profile, I realised he'd recycle a batch. I just found it a bit misleading. I just don't want to waste to my time and more feeling confused.