Why is he like this?

[Anonymous]

I was set up with someone from work and our first date went well, and we hit it off. Since we lived near each other, we saw each other daily that first week until I moved. After that, we saw each other once or twice a week, with me sometimes working from his place or staying over.

The first month was fine, but we didn’t plan dates and mostly just hung out during weekdays. My friends didn’t like him esp because he blocked me on Instagram early on, lying about not having an account. Also, early on, he questioned why I’d visit him while on my period because I wasn’t his girlfriend and showed jealousy over my guy friends, accusing me of flirting or checking out men. He told me not to wear a skirt to work because it was “asking for attention.” He also snapped at me for complimenting his hair but noting one strand out of place, calling himself stupid.

He became upset when I couldn’t see him one night, accusing me of being on a date because I was making excuses. I was busy with work and family. After my house party, where I’d invited guy friends, he claimed I hadn’t told him about them, though I had. When confronted, he often blamed his behavior on trauma from his ex, who cheated on him during their toxic 10-month relationship. He also struggled with unresolved issues from losing his dad and being abandoned by his mom at a young age.

He wanted to meet my family, but after only 2.5 months and his erratic behaviour, I didn’t feel comfortable. He also after 2 months didn’t mind me coming over if I was on my period or not up for sex because we weren’t fuck buddies and that we have a strong emotional connection.

I ended things after he returned from a trip where he’d flirted with other girls, We weren’t exclusive. When I told him something felt missing, he said I wanted too much and that he needed to take things slow due to his mental health. I explained the pace was fine but admitted I had doubts and wouldn’t say yes if he asked me to be his girlfriend. Why was he like this?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that sounds like a really messed up situation, girl. That dude seems like he's got a lot of issues he needs to work through, and he was definitely taking a lot of that out on you in some really unhealthy ways.

The jealousy, the controlling behavior, the constant blaming of his past trauma - that's all super red flags. It's not your job to fix him or be his therapist, you know? Especially when you two were just casually dating.

It's good that you recognized those behaviors and ended things before it got even more toxic. Honestly, the way he was acting, it doesn't sound like he was ready for a real relationship at all. He needed to focus on getting his own stuff together first.

The fact that he couldn't even handle you having guy friends or wearing certain clothes without accusing you of trying to cheat or get attention is just ridiculous. That's some super insecure, possessive behavior that has nothing to do with you.

And then the way he reacted when you started having doubts - saying you wanted "too much" and needed to take it slow because of his mental health - that's just a cop-out. He was trying to put the blame on you instead of owning up to his own issues.

You did the right thing by walking away, girl. You deserve someone who's gonna treat you with respect and trust, not constantly accuse you and try to control you. This dude clearly had a lot of work to do on himself before he was ready for any kind of real relationship.

I know it must have been frustrating and hurtful to deal with all that, but just remember - it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong here. He's the one with the problems, not you. Stay strong, and don't settle for anything less than what you deserve, okay?