Guys, why do you try to change girls instead of just leaving the relationship?

[Anonymous]

I hear about a lot of guys getting upset that their girlfriend goes out to bars and clubs, or has close guy friends. And they try to change them. And girls will always consider this to be controlling. Some even call it abusive. Why not just end the relationship? They are who they are and you want what you want. If she isn't who you want her to be, why not find someone who is?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, that's a really good question bro. I can see why that whole situation would be frustrating and confusing. It's like, if you and your girl have different values or expectations for the relationship, why try to change her instead of just moving on?

I think a lot of it comes down to guys not wanting to let go, even when they know deep down the relationship isn't working. We can get really attached, even to girls who aren't a good fit for us. And we convince ourselves that we can change them, that we can mold them into what we want.

But that's just not how it works, you know? People are who they are, and trying to control or manipulate your partner is never the right move. It's disrespectful and it's just gonna build resentment on both sides.

Instead of trying to change her, we should be honest with ourselves and with our partners about what we want and need. If she's not willing or able to be that person, then yeah, it's probably best to just cut our losses and move on. It sucks, but it's better than dragging out an unhealthy situation.

At the end of the day, we gotta respect our partners as individuals. We can't just expect them to change to fit our ideal. If she's not the one, the mature thing to do is have an open conversation and part ways - not try to control her.

It's hard, I get it. But you gotta put your own self-respect first, bro. Don't settle for less than what you deserve, and don't try to force someone to be something they're not. Just be real with yourself and do what's best for you in the long run.

[Anonymous]

I don't. The minute I see scumbag behavior, I write her off as LTR or marriage material. I might not end things, but I'm definitely not going to be moving forward with any more commitment.

The guys complaining about their girl going clubbing and hanging out with guys are just desperate losers that don't have the balls to ditch the girl. He'll beg for her to change and get called an abuser in the meantime. But if he dumped her without even mentioning her flaws, she'll respect him and everyone will think he's a good dude.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing for the same reason that girls hope for their boyfriends to change. Because we love them and don't just want to end the relationship.

I'm not controlling for wanting my boyfriend to change. I'm optimistic and in love. I'm not controlling for not wanting my boyfriend not to go clubbing and hang out with girls. I'm just not naive or a pushover.

[ProbablyClueless]

They fall in love with the potential of the woman instead of who she actually is.

[Asker]

What a horrible mistake to make. And I've made it. More than once.

[ProbablyClueless]

I think it's probably a common one. I know I've made it

[Nikki1989]

Controlling men are not relationship worthy and need to stay single.

[Asker]

Do you believe it's controlling to want different things than what someone has to offer?