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Everyone is different so when she moves on there’s certain things that she simply can’t replicate because he’s naturally different so do girls ever think about this things and just make sacrifices in certain areas when they enter new relationships
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Excluding fundamental elements (such as chivalry, trust, communication), the only things I take with me from an ex are the things I don’t want. A guy being consistent with communication and effort, who opens my doors or shares values that matter, to me these are bare minimum requirements that should be universal from one good man to the next, not unique to one ex. Outside of that, if there were anything worth keeping I’d imagine I’d still be in the relationship and so would he. The things that make that ex “different” are clearly not what the woman needs.
I was curious because people would be surprised with everything I was doing and my level of dedication but also I’m on the autism spectrum and the relationship as a whole became a special interest and her happiness was always my priority. I would always think of fun spontaneous ways to surprise her.
I must also state part of the reason she broke up was that she didn’t want her children potentially being on the spectrum even though I was transparent at the start of the relationship that I was autistic and she said it wasn’t an issue
Although the reason sounds shitty, maybe there’s just elements about your autism that she didn’t realize she couldn’t deal with, or maybe didn’t want to deal with ultimately. I say this as someone who dated an autistic guy some years ago and also had the belief that his autism would have no effect on me. Not everyone is equipped to date someone on the spectrum and it’s not something they realize until they’ve been dating that person long enough. You sound like you tried to be the best boyfriend you could.
You say that was part of the reason but what was the other part? Because that could be the bigger issue but all you really took away from that was the part about her not wanting autistic kids. It makes her look shitty and in a way yes it is shitty, but there’s more to the story that I also think you must state.
Ok she was extremely abusive throughout the relationship 2 weeks in she already hit me because she was losing at a video game. Her sister who was staying with us was very disrespectful and constantly breaking rules I had reached my point where I wanted to end the relationship because I was overstimulated constantly. She had a temper tantrum meltdown and her sister threatened to kill me in my sleep. So it continued on I told her I was having suicidal ideations because I couldn’t handle going at that rate. Well come Christmas I bought her a ginger bread house at the grocery store because she said she loves those she was gonna hang out with her friend to build it and she came home and admitted that the whole time they built it they were trashing me. She wanted to breakup a week before Christmas I was devestated I loved this girl and cried real tears of pain my chest was hurting I told her as someone on the spectrum she was my world I didn’t have friends I didn’t have social circle but I didn’t need all that because she was all that and more for me. Fast forward to our new place into the new year she started hitting me again calling me names such a stupid motherfucker, bitch, nuisance. She hauled off and kicked me one day when I was petting our dog. She also abused our dog she picked him up and slammed him on his crate almost caving it in she also called him nuisance. She would constantly say you two are my nuisances. My sister came to deeply dislike her after every conversation I would have because I couldn’t just internalize everything. She would go you need to break up with her you need to leave her but I couldn’t do it just a few days into the relationship she disclosed that she came from childhood trauma and every relationship she seen growing up was abusive. I couldn’t give up I would constantly tell myself that this isn’t her this is her mental illness and I would try to get her resources for help but she would never take them
The breakup finally came when we were going to the grocery store she was bullying me in the car and making fun of me I kept saying please stop please stop and she refused I stated if you won’t stop I’m gonna pull over and have you get out of the car. She continued and I pulled over to a safe area and had her get out. She walked home crying calling her mom saying she was breaking up and that she couldn’t be with a man who kicked her of of their car
This sounds like a very volatile relationship, I’m not sure what she or anyone else would miss about it if it brought out such horrible behavior.
With all this information you provided I definitely remember seeing you post about this multiple times. I’ve never chosen to comment because it looked as though you were already getting feedback, but having that in mind it genuinely makes me wonder, what is there for you to gain here? How are you helping yourself move past this abusive relationship and breakup?
What you need is therapy but I’m sure there will be some excuse as to why you haven’t sought it or aren’t seeking it. So what’s the problem? Do you miss her and want her to miss you too? Would you like for her to feel pity or grief and be apologetic? It may not be in her nature to feel any of that because she isn’t remorseful and doesn’t think her actions were wrong.
There’s a lot of emotions I feel with it I feel deep sorrow in terms of how I made such a horrible choice but then I discuss it with my sister and state that due to my autism it makes it extremely difficult to read people. There were times in the relationship when I had to ask if she was ok because I couldn’t read the emotions. The second is an apology that I don’t know if it would ever come but why be with someone to absolutely destroy them I invested my whole heart she became a part of me and I would have done anything for her. Lastly moving forward I have been petrified at the idea of dating in ways before I wasn’t like in legit afraid now I would find myself closing out of dating apps because it would almost give me an anxiety attack
She also hid me most of the relationship not really posting pictures of me but of everyone else so there’s so many layers cause ultimately she has moved on and even posted a picture with her new boyfriend on social media
So why not seek the help so that one day you can move past this well? To be honest I don’t think you’re in any place whatsoever to seek a woman or be a boyfriend, you haven’t done the work to heal from your ex and the last thing a new woman needs (or deserves) is to be paying for what someone else did. Which I don’t think that’s fair or healthy at all. This is baggage you need real help unpacking, and if you don’t agree with that then why? Is it money? Do you not think it’s necessary and all this you’re doing is actually helping?
You’re absolutely right no one deserves this and i would never subject anyone to that. I have gave serious thought to giving up on dating I will seek counseling that’s something in the works right now because it is more complicated finding a counselor who specializes in clients with autism. I lost that fire when I first entered that relationship I was so happy so ecstatic that I finally got to experience a relationship and that I would make the most of my opportunity by showing her and her family how loyal and committed I was. I firmly believe that part of me is broken now I don’t believe I can reach those levels again because that requires a level of trust that may never be there again
Even if a part of you is broken, it will take work but you can fix it. That’s how people with suicidal thoughts or who struggle with severe depression are able to come out of those dark places and live more fulfilling lives.
One day you will be in a place where you can receive love and give it back, but there are many steps you need to take between now and when you find that woman. Right now when you can’t even fathom speaking to a lady without such crippling anxiety and fear should be all the proof you need that it just isn’t the time for a relationship. Main priority should be healing from the last one. I know it feels unfair, I mean you look up your ex and she’s putting her relationship on display looking happy, probably hoping to spite you if she has any indication that you will either check her page or hear about her relationship somehow. She’s out of your life and still has the power to hurt you, and if I were you I’d be eager to remove that power. It’s good that you’re looking for a therapist, don’t lose hope, eventually you will find the right person.
If you heard about me prior to the relationship it was a day and night difference like essentially I lost who I was and felt like a shelf of myself. I told my sister sometimes I wish I could go back and reclaim who I was prior to the relationship I want the old me back
I get that feeling for sure. Good news is you can always get back to that person, improve it even. It just takes time, but you’ve got to actively be doing the work otherwise you’re never gonna feel like you’re making any progress. You’re stuck in this place partially because you don’t know how to let go of her. I mean if sounds like she was your first girlfriend (I could be wrong) so you’re fixated on this awful experiences. But there are better women out there and eventually you’ll be in a better position to tell who they are. I don’t think you’d be able to differentiate a good woman from a toxic one yet when your reference points are so awful.
Looking backwards is for the weak. Much better to keep moving forward. The past is the past for a reason.
Well when someone is discarded even though they were doing good in a relationship it naturally makes you wonder
I suppose everyone misses some aspects of former loves.
I only think of this because how I was discarded I treated this girl good I often took things most other guys would have easily walked away from I seen her beyond her mental health struggles. Her mom referred to me as son in law and stated how she could see how much I loved her daughter. But in the end I was too boring not exciting enough
Girls who like "exciting" guys sometimes have issues.