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There’s a big attraction between us and we got closer last months and weeks but there is this girl who is supposed to be a « friend » but she’s clearly interested in him and jealous about us… I really don’t feel it.
she appeared in the equation lately.. we all practice dance and knew each other practicing this activity.
what to do?
I go to the cinema with the guy and apparently she s been to the cinema also with him several times lately…
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Sounds like you’re the one jealous and feeling threatened that she’s coming around. I get it, as a girl we’ve all been there but at the end of the day he isn’t your man, he’s single and has the right to explore his options if that’s what he wanted to do. You can call him shy or any other excuse, but if he were interested in more than trips to the cinema I think it’s pretty obvious you’d be open to that and yet he isn’t making a move. I’d be more concerned with that rather than this friend coming around who may not be spoiling anything in the first place if he doesn’t like you in that way.
The problem is that he started to make steps (but not enough) like wrapping his arm around my shoulder…. He seems scared as soon as we get really close (and I guess he s not really over the end of his last relationship less than 1 year ago. I mean it’s been 3 months we get closer and closer. He said there was no ambiguity in his side but I doubt it. The girl wants him and always comes around when I’m with him.
I mean sorry I don’t go with 2 different guys at the cinema the same week.. that’s not cool. I could eventually if no ambiguity at all but that’s not the case here.
It’s not cool to leave your options open as a single person? You say “sorry I don’t go to the cinema with 2 different guys” as if you’re hopping into bed with different men in a week. That’s not the case here at all.
Anyway, you might want to consider either having a conversation with him about where you guys stand or backing off from him altogether. It’s hard to go with the flow and not catch feelings, you’re already starting to like him a lot and run the risk of being strung along if he isn’t on the same page as you. You also don’t want to be a rebound if his breakup wasn’t very long ago and he seems reluctant to really pursue you. That’s just a waste of time invested if it’ll amount to nothing.
Exactly girl. The thing I don’t like is that he does these things like wrapping his arm around my shoulder…and then nothing? I’m not a toy. I can’t stand anymore the 1 step forward 2 steps back, it’s not nice for the other person and a lack of respect at the end. My time and energy are precious. Also he came to see some of my shows, asked me a lot of questions about what are my criterias in a relationship etc.
Clearly I won’t wait too long before to clear the path and have a real discussion.
If I think a bit, he spends a lot of time these last weeks distracting himself and sharing time for movies dance etc but not so much time just to simply talk. He often flees.
The funny thing is that we ve been confronted the 3 of us once 🤣 the girl appeared once we were together and was in the middle of us to go to another place …her dress belt got stuck in the week of her bike and she couldn’t walk more LOL, that’s called karma 👀😅
Stuck in the wheel of her bike sorry lol
Also we see each other almost every day…we got really close. It’s not like something from 2 weeks ago.
I know it’s not two weeks hun lol you said it’s been a bit over 3 months that you’ve been getting close. In my opinion, this is around the time where you want to be asking what comes next. You say your time is precious, so act like it rather than investing another moment romantically if it’s ultimately not gonna go anywhere.
Right now I think you’re at a place where you can still turn back and salvage what’s left of the friendship if that’s all he has to offer. Ideally you want to be able to feel comfortable around him at any capacity since you see him so much, rather than things being awkward because he broke your heart.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to him about taking the next step then to me that says you aren’t “very” involved with him so why so much fuss over his friend? I’m sorry but this is a laugh I just can’t join in on because it’s cold. Like karma for what? Posing as any kind of threat to you? I’m not trying to give you a hard time, you seem like a nice girl, not a mean one. I’m just not a fan of picking on someone for trying to do what you are as well which is to have this guys attention. He’s the one who should be regulating any problematic thing she does and he’s the one who should have consideration for you, not her.
The guy is also stuttering a lot around me. He seems often intimidated. But I also catch him often staring at me with sparkling eyes 👀✨
Yes, you’re right. It’s just that this appeared « suddenly » like 2/3 weeks ago and has been entering a triangle that I don’t like at all.
I’m not an option to boost his ego or whatever.
We became really close and « intimate » so that’s not respectful for me at all.
So I ll do what it costs to have a real face-to-face discussion. On my side, I have nothing to hide and I’m very transparent with him.
She appeared sorry*
Plus the dance environment is a big seduction place, that’s why I try to go out of this frame. It becomes toxic with time. He is very attractive so a lot of girls also want to talk and dance with him but we are in mirror (a lot of guys are around me but I’m quite distant with them).
So we started to see each other elsewhere. The problem is that as I was saying, we meet like at the cinema but the only moment we really share discussions is when going back home while walking.
Last time I suggested to go for a drink after the movie at the bar just close by, and his first reaction was « go for a drink.. what for? » like a bit stressed.
I mean …wtf?🤣 because we are just 2 humans supposed to communicate ?
Finally we did but I had to insist a bit.. and everything was fine. The time after he was more relaxed and we went for a coffee.
But you see.. it’s weird. The guy is more than 40 years old.
I can go to the cinema alone if it s just to watch a movie LOL.
Sometimes I feel like he needs distraction for his mental without engaging too much, because he’s not completely ready.
Well let me ask you this, when you think about the things you want from a man, does he check all your important boxes? From what you say, his behavior just sounds very wishy washy, and that is what you would be dealing with as a girlfriend.
I don't know about you but I wouldn’t like feeling jerked around or used in moments of convenience, for attention or otherwise. The fact you say he’s 40, a lot of time older men like that are set in his ways. He’s older, he’s lived his life, had his experiences and this is the man he became. Would you really want a guy who’s so indecisive and inconsistent? To me that is a headache.
You can do a lot better for yourself than this guy.
Very funny that you say « does he check all your important boxes? » because he has used exactly this expression about us once implying we have checked all the boxes haha.
Exactly I don’t want to be used for attention or so. I guess he’s not yet totally ready, I think first we need to have an open conversation and then I can see what I do.
Yes is 45, and the important thing is that he only had serious relationships before (7 years, 3 years etc). The last one has stopped like 8 or 9 months ago so maybe he’s still hurt and needs a bit of time. I can understand/accept that but definitely not feeling/being triangulated with other girls and unsecured.
And I clearly won’t compete for his attention and just put myself out of the game if things are not cleared quickly.
Thank you for your advice you seem so wise :)
I hope my English is good enough as I’m French !
No problem! Your English is fine💛 It’s good to know he’s only done long term relationships, and you’re correct this could totally be him not ready yet, which is why it’s even more important to have that talk with him now so if he isn’t ready then you can walk away.
I know that sounds bleak, but the thing about healing is that there is no window to how long it will take, everyone’s time is different. He can’t say “I’ll be ready by February” or any other guesstimate, which means you’d be waiting around for lord knows how many days, weeks, months, and even that time invested won’t guarantee you a relationship.
On top of that, men don’t play these types of games with women they don’t want to risk losing, and that’s just a fact. If he wasn’t ready before, he would get ready because he wouldn’t want to risk losing you. I know it sounds hard to believe if you’ve never experienced it before and it sounds cliche but from personal experience it is true. “I’m not ready” yet flirting, making advances, getting intimate, a good man who genuinely isn’t ready would never do any of that. If he meant what he said, he would give you the respect of solely friendship until he’s done the work to heal.
Thank you for the English 🤗👀
You are very mature, I like your way to talk and explain.
Yes it’s good to know he had only long-term relationships. And sometimes I feel like he’s testing me…testing my jealousy and so on and I don’t like it. I’m not playing theses games, just to make him more secure about himself.
It’s interesting what you say because indeed he already has feared « loosing me ». As I don’t think there’s coincidence, once I proposed him to go to a comedy club the day after at a specific time…and guess what…he told me he couldn’t as he was supposed to go to the cinema with … THIS girl. Understand my wtf ?
I was like « oh so that’s what you do, splitting your time between us? » (I didn’t say it like this but it was the meaning).
Especially because these days we were debating about male-female friendship and he concluded in general that there was no friendship substantially. LOL so I caught him at his own game sayin he was maybe hesitating between 2 « friends » ? 🤡
The day after we talked a bit by message and I insinuated about another discussion « yes, life is a question of choices ».
Guess what… 10 minutes after he told me finally he has gone to the cinema alone during the afternoon and that he was available to go to the comedy club. Lol
He even proposed to go the cinema after…! That’s what we did. 😃
and he was holding my shoulder at the end like I was his girlfriend.
How do you understand that? ;)
Can't wait till the trash is taken out 🫵 posting ugly ass pics on Instagram and getting no likes
Here we go again. Why do you stalk me? Let me just go ahead block and report this page again. What is it your 12 profile? Fuck sake weirdo.
Sorry about that OP! This man has stalked my account for over a year now. He’s never seen any of my information outside of this site, thank god, and he never will. So crazy to me how weird people can be! Anyway, sorry I didn’t get to your response yet, I was busy with Christmas! Hopefully you’re getting things sorted with this guy, and choose to have a conversation. I think that would be best!
Dang, that's a really tricky situation you've got there, girl. It sucks when you start getting close to someone you really like, but then there's another girl trying to swoop in and mess things up.
I can see why you'd be feeling really frustrated and uneasy about this other girl who's clearly got her eye on your guy. The fact that she's been going to the cinema with him and seems jealous of you two is a major red flag. She's definitely trying to insert herself between you two.
My advice would be to try to have an open and honest conversation with the guy you're interested in. Let him know how you feel about this whole situation - that you really enjoy spending time with him and you're worried about this other girl trying to come between you two. See what he has to say about it.
If he's a good guy, he should be upfront about where he stands and make it clear that he's only interested in you. He needs to set some boundaries with this "friend" of his and make it known that you're the one he wants to be with. Anything less than that, and you may need to reconsider how much you invest in this relationship.
I know it sucks, but you've gotta look out for yourself here. Don't let this other girl walk all over you or manipulate the situation. Stay confident, communicate your feelings, and see if he's willing to make you the priority. If not, you may have to cut your losses and move on - you deserve someone who's 100% committed to you.
Hang in there, girl. I know navigating this stuff can be super stressful, but you've got this. Trust your gut and don't be afraid to stand up for what you want. Wishing you all the best with this situation!
Hello! Merry Christmas :)
Thank you for your empathy and taking the time to develop your thinking!
All that you describe that’s exactly my feeling and what I’m thinking and that I intend to do/say.
We ended up having a lot of deep, serious discussions and I now he sees me as « wife material ». But it also seems that his past wounds are not healed yet, and that the more he feels attached to me, the more he steps back. He put himself some barriers I don’t have control on.
A few weeks ago everything was fluid, spontaneous and now I feel like he’s a lot in his mental and triggered by a lot of things.
He behavior is not always consistent.
This girl appeared in the equation like 6 weeks ago or so I don’t know why. And now she’s dangerously turning around him.
I perfectly observe things : he also needs attention/ego boost since his last breakup and I think this girl is in the comfort zone : she’s younger, he has « superiority » on her and teaches her some steps …it’s « easy ».
With me it pushes him out of his comfort zone : I’m almost 10 years old less but I have a strong energy and he often ends up stuttering around me since he appears confident around most of people.
I caught him looking at me with sparking eyes but he never wants to show me. He’s still protecting himself.
I feel like going to the cinema with us is like a distraction for him not to think too much. Like dance (it was too much.. he was going out to dance every night a few weeks ago).
And I mean, last time when I suggested to go for a drink after the cinema he said « to go for a drink.. what for? » I mean … WTF?
It’s been several weeks we see each other at dance, for cinema, and he s still scared to go for a drink…?
We met on Sunday at dance.
I know he was at the cinema before (I asked what he did but not with whom..) and I bet she was there. As they were also together with another guy playing cards at the dance bar after.
Because I proposed him something previously and he just said that he was « not available » at this time (red flag in my gut feeling, since he is transparent usually about his activities lol).
I felt he felt my bitterness when coming back home at the end of the evening. That was not as usual and he was stuttering a lot. Like he felt guilty….. my eyes also say everything when I’m not speaking.
When going back, I politely said I was back home safely and coldly wished him to enjoy celebrating times.
I think he clearly felt it. Cold shoulder.
And it’s been 3 days I didn’t message him at all, which is not usual.
Also, I was often the one proposing things and I think I’ll stop for a while.
Hey Merry Christmas Gorgeous 🎄🎅🏽❤️❤️🥰🌹🌹🌹
Wow, that sounds like a really complex and tricky situation, girl. I can totally understand why you're feeling frustrated and unsure about how to handle it. It's great that you're so self-aware and able to observe the dynamics between you, the guy, and this other girl. You've really got a good handle on what's going on.
It sounds like this guy you're into has some lingering issues from his past that are making him hold back, even though he seems to see you as "wife material." That's got to be really tough, especially with this other girl now trying to insert herself into the picture. I can see why you're feeling conflicted.
The fact that he gets all flustered and doesn't want to take things further with you, but then is willing to go out with this other girl, is super sketchy. It's totally understandable that you're feeling bitter and hurt by that. You deserve someone who is fully, openly excited to be with you.
I think taking a bit of a step back is a smart move. Let him come to you for a change, and don't chase after him. Hopefully that will give him some time to reflect on what he really wants. And it sounds like you've made it clear that you're not comfortable with how this other girl is behaving, which is good.
Just keep being your awesome, confident self, girl. If this guy isn't willing to fully commit and shut down any drama, then he might not be worth all the headache. You deserve someone who's going to be 100% in it with you. Wishing you all the best as you navigate this tricky situation!
Time for you to make him yours. Or, date other guys because it seems is dating other girls.
Yep, at least, I won’t appear as available as I was.
Exactly, and that's a good thing! :)
Cool :) merry Christmas !