Do people wonder why people push you away after seeming interested?

[Anonymous]

Some people loose internet. But sometimes what happens is you meet someone and show them interest. You really like them they seem to like you but then… start pushing you away.

The answer is… A lot of people are so used to being rejected. Used. Hurt…. Etc. So they want to sabotage the relationship before you do. Not saying to saying to put effort into someone who won’t do the same for you. But that’s one reason as to why. There are many other possible ones.

But some people want to sabotage the relationship before you do. They need to push you away before you can push them away

[ManOnFire]

Sometimes people do sabotage relationships for this reason, but I don't think it's the no.1 reason. I think what usually happens is people start pushing the other person away because they either smothered them too much, begging for their attention, or because they're feelings changed as quickly as they came and they're simply no longer into the other person.

What you describe is what relationship coaches call "avoidant" behavior, and they say that avoidants often times will ghost the other person to push them away instead of being able to just say it's over. I used to be a huge believer in those personality types - avoidant, fearful avoidant, anxious, secure, etc. but I think they really just give people an excuse to be shitty to a lover.

[Anna_Mariaa]

May i ask you a different scenario. I dont have a guy i can trust to asl this too mostly because its embarrassing. I habe a really close family friend and i have fallen for him. We lived together for about 8 months and he just felt like home, we got along so well and he honestly has a very good heart. Anyways we always go to church on sundays together. He cones o er to our house often and i felt like maybe just maybe he might like me too. But lately he has been so distant saying he is busy and avoiding me and i don't know if i did or said something to offend him. But my gut feeling says he picked up on my feelings and is avoiding me. ( he is what you'd call a reserved shy guy ). So my question basically is why wpuld a man pull away from a close friend?

[ManOnFire]

@Anna_Mariaa Hmmm. I would say it's either because he doesn't really like you like that, even if it seemed that way. Or maybe there's another girl he's into. Maybe he did like you in the beginning but could be that he got interested in someone else and he's no longer really into you.

Or maybe you showed him that you like him too much, even if you thought you were being discrete, and he picked up on that and it scared him.

[Anna_Mariaa]

Thank you! It hurt to read but i will definitely stop calling and texting and just disappear.

[ManOnFire]

@Anna_Mariaa That will definitely get his attention and he will wonder why.

[Anonymous]

I understand the first one very well. I'm so used to a woman's games that when I get a view a tipoff of what's to come I start working to extract myself from the relationship. Do I always communicate this? No. Because typically there's more to lose by doing that. Besides I do not owe her an explanation of her transgressions. I shouldn't have to explain to her how to be a good human being. Hopefully at some point she'll figure it out.