How have you gently let someone know it won’t work out?

[Anonymous]

What have you said to a date or someone that liked you but you weren’t interested in pursuing a relationship with? Or what have you done?

[ohsheeT]

You know I had to do that one time and I felt more embarrassed than then when I got turned down or rejected or whatever it was from asking somebody to go out it just felt weird you know but I mean I I knew it wasn't going to work and I wish I would have done it more often in my life but I didn't cuz I knew each one was a good work that it is what it is you just have to be nice about it and just and the best thing is to be honest just straight up honest with anything and everything

[ClassicDropout]

I said "we want different things. I don't want to abuse your good intentions." And left it at that.

[Asker]

That’s a nice thing to say

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes this happened to someone a dated for a few weeks.

[BarryLiverstone]

I had to be honest and after a lunch date I let her know : “sorry but I don’t feel a romantic attraction to you, it’s best this be our last date”

[Asker]

That was nice of you. Better than leading her on for any longer.

[BarryLiverstone]

Thank you. I thought it’s best she knows the truth and if she felt sad it was temporary yk?

[Asker]

Well if she really liked you it might have been longer than temporary it yes I get it.

[BarryLiverstone]

You know that’s a very good point. And by then it was out of my control how much she liked me. I had hoped that she moved on fast. Do you think she would have taken a while and if so how could I have been better

[Asker]

Why did you date her for a few weeks if you didn’t feel a romantic connection? I guess that’s part of dating though is figuring it out yet I do think most men feel it early on, right?

[BarryLiverstone]

So in this case I had just joined a new company and I actually asked if she wanted to get lunch together because I was told I would be working with her. So my plan was to get to know her more in a non business environment as that would help things at work. I didn’t feel an initial attraction to her.

Fast forward to lunch and I started talking about work and my past experience but halfway through lunch I started to sense she felt like it was a first date. At that point I wanted to be nice and after the lunch i considered others had said I’m shallow if I don’t date girls only based on their looks. So I decided i would go on a few more dates and see if getting to know more about her I could develop feelings as I’ve heard stories of girls who didn’t like how a guy looked and still fell in love over time.

Well after those few weeks and her trying to kiss me and me not feeling romantic feelings towards her is when I decided to let her know.

[Asker]

Okay that’s totally fair and understandable. Good on you for giving it a go. Now you know :)

[BarryLiverstone]

Exactly. It was a learned lesson and now I know I need to feel an initial attention to her before going on a date. Is that shallow?

[Asker]

Nope, I think initial attraction is very valid and important.

[Asker]

It doesn’t have to be knock you down attraction but it has to be there somewhat.

[BarryLiverstone]

We agree then. And yes was a good lesson. I would say I would be willing to date someone new but as you say they appear attractive. Then I feel like that attraction can grow as you get to know them more

[Asker]

Exactly

[Ms_Facesitter]

By just being polite and honest and to the point.

[HoldingtheSword]

I say "I don't find you pretty, chick"

[Asker]

Smooth dog