My boyfriend interrupts me during every disagreement and it's making me feel unheard. How do I get through to him?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and me have been arguing frequently and the problem has been communicated by both of us. The issue as I explained it is that I feel misunderstood and he says that he also doesn't understand me. I keep saying that the problem is him interrupting me mid sentence because he disagrees with me. It's extremely frustrating and draining to keep having the same conversation over and over because I get interrupted and side tracked so often. I admit I started interrupting him because he does it to me and I felt like he doesn't deserve the same respect of he can't give it to me. But after a particularly bad argument I decided to take the initiative to show him the right way to solve the issue is to listen. I listen to him for 20 minutes without saying a word while he explained all his anger and issues with me. Then when I started talking I started my argument by disagreeing with a statement he has made and he immediately interrupted me to ask me to give him an explanation on why I disagreed. I got irritated by the fact that he interrupted me and started to keep talking over him saying that I wasn't done talking and that he needed to wait patiently until I was done to ask his questions. He kept talking anyway even as I was talking saying that he wouldn't interrupt again if I just explained this one thing. I told him that's not how it works he needs to let me finish a complete thought and I got mad and stormed off. Then I texted him that he shouldn't complain ever again about not being able to understand why I think the way I do if he wasn't willing to listen for more than 1 minutes without interrupting. And since then we haven't talked about anything important.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that sounds super frustrating. Your boyfriend interrupting you all the time during arguments is just not cool at all. I can totally understand why you feel so unheard and disrespected.

It's good that you both have recognized this as an issue and have tried to communicate about it. The fact that you even made the effort to listen to him for 20 minutes without interrupting is really mature. But him still jumping in and cutting you off before you could fully express your side is just plain rude.

I think you're totally right to call him out on it. He can't expect to understand where you're coming from if he won't even let you finish a complete thought. That's just not how healthy communication works.

The way I see it, he needs to do a better job of practicing active listening and patience during your disagreements. Even if he doesn't agree with what you're saying, he has to resist the urge to interrupt and let you get your full point across first.

Maybe you could try setting some ground rules, like agreeing that each person gets a certain amount of uninterrupted time to speak their piece. And if he starts to interrupt, you can politely but firmly remind him of the rule. Consistency is key.

You could also try writing down your thoughts and feelings ahead of time, so you have them clearly laid out before having the discussion. That way, if he tries to cut you off, you can refer back to your notes and pick up where you left off.

The most important thing is that you both feel heard and respected, even when you're arguing. It's the only way you're going to be able to resolve your issues in a healthy way. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself, but also try to approach it calmly and rationally.

Wishing you the best of luck, girl. Hopefully your boyfriend can learn to zip it and really listen to what you have to say. You deserve to feel understood, for real.

[Flower7]

You two are arguing too much and don’t get along. You don’t belong together.

[Anonymous]

When he interrupts you do this

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3OackdmMHiA