I don’t like playing dating games, but is it necessary sometimes?

[Anonymous]

I’m thinking about when I am dating someone and I begin to catch feelings. Soon after I often get anxious about if I am coming on too strong, if they don’t text me with the same enthusiasm, or if I’m too boring. It makes me want to pull back but I don’t for the most part and keep pushing so they don’t think I’m uninterested. It’s just really hard

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

To me, you're not talking about dating rules/games here, you're talking about your own discomfort regarding how to express your feelings and emotions in a dating situation.

There are certainly rules of conduct in every environment, probably specific to your country, or the circles you're in, on that aspect I wouldn't know what they are, it's in your hands.

Understanding if you should or should not coming off too strong is deeply related to the dynamics with a person in particular, ideally you're supposed to feel that, to feel the atmosphere and the character you're facing. That's the only key I know to evaluate how to react/behave adequately.

Their enthusiasm is something you can't control so I'd suggest to release the need to control, easy to say ofc.

Considering that you could be seen as boring is a negative anticipation regarding yourself and only yourself, it could be your own psychology pushing you down. You can't be boring unless everyone else shows signs or tell you that you are. However anyone can be bored by someone for reasons you can't master, that's their thing, not yours.

[Asker]

I agree!

[blueonblack22]

Women are typically more choosy and more difficult when it comes to dating (shit testing).

If you think you have to play games in addition to how you are already behaving then chances are you are overdoing it. This is risky because you could screw up a good opportunity.

[blueonblack22]

Also remember men generally do NOT think and judge the same way women do when it comes to dating. We are usually judging the following:

1) your looks

2) the amount of effort you are demanding from us. Is it fair or is it ove the top?

3) if you have any major and obvious red flags. Most of us won’t dig to find them right off the bat. But say for instance a woman casually admits she’s cheating on past bfs. I once had a woman flat out admit this on a first date and she had the gall to act like it was no big deal. Automatic deal breaker.

4) if you respect us or not. This by far the most important issue. Say for instance you cancel a date. Do you offer to reschedule? Do you even give us the common courtesy of canceling or do you flake out without saying anything? Respect cuts through everything.

[Asker]

Thank you, that’s all very valid. I look like for the same things and try to treat my guy with as much respect as I want in return.

[blueonblack22]

Good. Just remember likeability is NOT the same thing as respect. You still need to respect someone you might have had second thoughts about later. That doesn’t mean you should keep dating them. But don’t ghost, flake, play games, etc to passively “give them a hint”. Instead be respectfully straight up that you appreciated their efforts but you aren’t interested.

There really isn’t enough respect (on both sides) about this today.

[Asker]

Oh just to be clear, I was stating that I like him and I’m just as interested as he appears. I just don’t want to overdo it or be too boring. If I lost interest I will let him know as I have in the past.

[Asker]

And I agree with thus

[blueonblack22]

I think you are handling it just fine. Don’t need to over think it. Just treat him how he treats you.

thanks for hearing me out and I wish you the best 👍

[Valdemort]

That's not just playing games, that's your anxiety wanting you to test people in their commitment.
You're aware of it - now you gotta find a way to stop doing it. Truth be told, it's a lot more difficult than you'd imagine.

[PeachyPie93]

Be normal be honest, if he pulls away he was never actually interested in the first place and there would have been nothing you could do about it to change that.

[Pohjolan]

There's already Steam and Playstation for men if they want to play games.

Also text messages are supposed to be short and to the point.

Trying to figure out how much feelings he has for you based on that is like trying to determine it based on what deodorant he is using.

[BigTex53]

It’s best to just relax, and don’t over-analyze the situation. Be yourself, and let things take their natural course.

[Asker]

I’ll do my best to be chill

[MannMitAntworten]

I think the beat way to gage the relationship is going by how it feels while you are sharing time together in person. Anything else is hard to maintain momentum.

[MannMitAntworten]

Best*

[Anonymous]

Not if you choose the right person. But let's be honest. Most people are not attracted to the right person.

A lot of women probably think I'm playing games. But what I'm doing is I'm gaugeing thier interest. If she's not willing to risk much then she's not very interested.

[Anonymous]

Honesty tends to solve a lot of problems. If you have an issue bring it up in a kind way. Lingering and wondering wastes life. Communicate.

[tzdc21]

Listen very carefully. DON'T PLAY GAMES. They're for children. No dating games at all.

[IWILLPLEASEYOU]

I always have told my friend to be able to tell me if she ever gets uncomfortable with what we're doing and I swear I will never ever get mad at you are so important to me

[LiamJHayden]

I don't do relationship mind games. That is the quickest way to get rid of me.

[Crazzyyworld]

All men are driven by testosterone. Everything else is fake. You are on the other hand, sugar baby. They are competitive behind your back.

[Crazzyyworld]

My question is can you stop playing sugar baby?

[Anonymous]

Ah yes, female mind games. Sadly, all men are familiar with them.

[Asker]

Any actual advice?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, be honest and upfront and don't play childish mind games.

[dragoblack]

Mind games are a big turnoff. I want a genuine honest woman, not a schemer with insecurities.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if you have Playstation, Nintendo or Xbox, it's always good to play games.

[In_Trance]

It's necessary all of the time.