How do you know if a guy just sees you as a potential "side piece"?

Question

Hi Guys and Gals,

Ok, here goes. A friend has been claiming to be "more than a side piece" to the guy she's been seeing... and yet... she's apparently one of a few contenders for the hot seat of "Future Mrs. Dbag" to a fellow who is still married...

I've been trying to explain to my friend that she's better than this... worth so much more... and yet she's just letting herself be in this situation, convinced that no matter what else she's seeing SHE is not "the side piece."

The sad thing? She's super highly educated, has traveled basically everywhere, is extremely charismatic... has EVERY F-ING THING GOING FOR HER. Why not just go out there and pick an available guy without all these complications and attachments?

I brought this up privately to a guy friend who then told me, "It doesn't matter if the guy's married or not. She's only side piece material."

?

So I'd like to ask y'all a few things:

(1) GUYS & GALS: WTH qualifies as "side piece" material?

(2) GUYS: How do you treat a woman you see as a side piece?

(3) GALS: What makes you think a guy is treating you like a side piece?

Updates

10 mo

*To clarify* --> Apparently some girls "just seem like side piece material" to guys (even to single guys). I'm trying to figure out

(1) What makes a gal seem like she's up for that sort of thing.
(2) How a guy's behavior indicates he sees a gal as a side piece.
(3) What makes a gal think that a guy is possibly treated her as a side piece.

(Ok, I've officially exhausted my use of this term for the rest of the month. 🤮)

Shiprex · Accepted Answer

I am in no way an expert here about all of this as I find this scenario to be weird af. The sort of people entertaining this kind of thing are not suitable for monogamy or commitment to a person. Fine if that's who you are but if you expect monogamy yet actively pursue someone in an apparent monogamous relationship then you don't value monogamy either, but I digress.

What WOULD a girl who's seeking to be with a guy who is already in a relationship be like? Perhaps one who likes what she see's the other woman receiving from the guy and wants some of that for her = envious

What kind of guy would see a girl as a side piece? One who doesn't value monogamy and/or who doesn't respect his monogamous relationship/partner and seeks validation from someone else because he's not having his needs and desires met within the relationship = potential AH abuser down to one who's been neglected by his partner

What makes a girl think a guy is treating her as a side piece? tricky as a guy to figure that out but that he keeps promising to do things but doesn't = coward or ah abuser

A lot of this needs more context to the situation but that's my take

KrakenAttackin · Accepted Answer

Here's the thing: With only a tiny percentage of "high value men", and women insisting on only pursuing a "high value man", you will simply have to accept either being a side piece or your man having a side piece. This is dictated by basic math.

Finchie40 · Answer

He just likes the convenience of you , he doesn’t make you his top priority , he only wants to see you when it’s convenient for him , he won’t stay in touch with you on a steady basis , you will only hear from him when it’s convenient for him other than that , He will make constant excuses as to why he can’t see you when you want to see him. He doesn’t include you on his schedule whatsoever. He just wants to see you on his time and more than likely he just wants to get laid. Girls’ can do this shit as well to guys’ so it can go both ways. Never fall for someone that treats you like a convenience, if someone truly wants to be with you , they won’t go days without talking to you or hearing from you , they want to see you as much as possible because they make you their top priority over everyone else. Your friend is just a side piece to that married guy , it’s a 50/50 chance on whether he will leave his wife for her or not , so she is sadly vulnerable to this guy by accepting the fact that he is married , sadly she probably gets off on the fact that he is choosing her over choosing his wife. Some people get off on that shit. I had my fair share of married women that wanted me over their husbands , I made it clear to her that this is just sex and nothing more unless she divorces her husband for me. But if not , we are nothing but fuck buddies

HawkPerception · Answer

Usually... not always... it's always all physical. They don't care about connecting emotionally and intellectually much.

Mixed signals is another good tell. They might act sweet and attentive when you're together, but they seem distant or uninterested when apart. They might also flirt with other women, which also indicates a non-exclusive mindset.

There's too much secrecy, inconsistent communication, they don't want to define the relationship, they're not available often, they avoid sharing personal stuff.

These are all indicators, but not absolutely sure signs that they only see you as a side piece.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Has she met his friends, co-workers, and family? Does she attend his family events? Do they spend holidays together? Has she spent time at his house?

Staximus · Answer

Anybody who is fooling around with a married person is just another "side piece". The guy may leave his wife for her, but how long until he has another "side piece" waiting in the wings? Anybody who expects to be more than a side piece to somebody who is already in a relationship is a fucking idiot, like your friend. Tell her to pull her head out of her ass and go get a guy who is single. She is setting herself up for failure, and is just going to be the next woman who gets cheated on. "I can change him" never works. A shit bag is a shit bag.

jazzy34 · Answer

Your friends may be book smart, but she’s  extremely  desperate for male attention. Anyway, I guess the qualifier to be a side piece would be desperate enough to settle for less. This guy is playing with her. He’ll never leave his wife for her. He’s just saying that to string her along.

Cormac995 · Answer

If she is willing to participate in an affair even if she's not the one cheating on someone she's a bitch and as for the guy cheating with her, he's a bastard. in my opinion tell the wife and what it blows the fuck up so they both get what they deserve. Also, if he's married AND cheating with multiple other girls besides her, he going to drop her the moment he stops enjoying the sex and be done with her. Women are an object to this guy fuck him and fuck her for helping destroy a marriage.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Any guy married or has a main chick.. the second girl is JUST a side piece or at worst just a booty call. She isn't important even if he whispers sweet nothings or promises her things. If it came to his wife divorcing him he would get rid of her and keep the wife. Because a wife is quality and doesn't settle on someone elses man's dick and isn't desperate. It is pathetic behaviour and shows they are bad people considering she don't mind hurting other woman/families to try and get what she wants. Even if he did leave his wife for this hoe, the guy who cheats will defo cheat again. And a woman who will be with a cheater is likely to cheat herself since she has no standards lol. No offence but I hope your friend gets dumped hard and heartbroken..

RiseofArtemis · Answer

Have you ever heard the term preselection in mates? She wants him because he's married, I doubt she would want him if he wasn't. Yes some people are that shallow.

Studies on human behavior have shown that some women basically only go for men who are in a relationship and will try everything to make him cheat, but if they become the main chick or he loses his relationship/marriage then they are likely to lose interest even.

Just test it out, with a friend of yours make him put on a fake wedding ring and go out with him, chances are he will be talked up by some women, do the same without and likely no one will talk to him.

It's biology and I always hear how that's not true, that it's rigged and women aren't like that. but then I look at the data chart that has been proven almost 100% true. Nothing beats observation and documentation.

HungTexan · Answer

Some guys only want a side piece, and they’re not usually long term relationship material. Some women have too little self esteem, and will easily fall into such a role. I find the whole idea a kitty disgusting personally.

Crazyced · Answer

They've done the experiment and the phenomenon has been proven. Women who want to be left alone and men who want to be flirted with both do the same thing funny enough, put on a wedding band. Something about pre-selection being important to women. Your friend is not an isolated case.

As for your question, sidepeice implies there's a mainpeice so non-monogamy. Or do you mean simply 'casual'? I'd say if after a few months you haven't met his friends and/or family and your dates are pretty much Netflix&chill you can conclude that he probably sees you as casual. But there is no hard rule unfortunately.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

If she's getting out of this relationship what she expects, then: where is the fault?

To exclusively ''own'' one person looks egoistic to me.

If this exclusivity is voluntarily, it's fine of course.

I don't see 'my' own other girlfriend as a side PIECE - that would be a lack of respect.

People often automatically categorize two (or more?) parallel relationships as ''cheating'' - which may be true in cases where this is done out of egocentric viciousness. But they ignore that some other personal 'arrangements' can be made with mutual consent.

So... HOW do we distinguish these two separate things? -

I'd say that a man who conceals his motivations - or even lies about it, who seeks single sided advantage, and who ranks his partners differently is one who only acts upon instinct, but with little to no emotions - or personal interest.

RingOfFire · Answer

Just want to make one brief point. Coming from a family and even an extended family we're just about everyone has terminal degrees from top universities I can tell you that being highly educated means absolutely nothing when it comes to social interaction. In fact, based on my own experience experience, I think it's an indicator of having social issues.

exitseven · Answer

I never had a side piece and I feel sorry for girls that think that that is all they are good for.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

I think the biggest thing is that he never invests his time and effort into you beyond very basic social niceties.

A really common pitfall that women get into with men is that the women often have a really hard time opening up about who they are as people. And the men, as a result, don't invest any further into the connection with the woman because he doesn't have anything about her to bond with beyond her looks.

FenixG45 · Answer

I have had a ONS, FB, FwBs, GFs and a wife. I've NEVER called, had, or used someone as a "side piece"! NEITHER have my guy friends! Maybe it's a term superwealthy ahole guys use.

ABC1x1x · Answer

If he is vague about where he lives, never introduces you to friends or family, only wants to see you at unusual times and or drives 45 minutes or more to see you and only sees you in a different town that he lives. You are probably the side piece. If you are going out the day before or the day after Valentines day, you are the side piece

princeofromance · Answer

You need to stay as far away from that as possible.

NathanDavis · Answer

they reach online, and keep it as online as possible... lol

Jay-_- · Answer

Have no idea how many times I've tried to tell women they are worth so much more, their answer, "yea" continues to be used as a door mat from worthless "men"

SleepingHazard · Answer

People lose their sense of logic when feelings get involved.

LiamS95 · Answer

Probably when the only time he communicates is when he wants a piece.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Is pY a cosit to her childhood and determine where she lost her self worth decelopment. Daddy probably missing

Marathonmama · Answer

I don’t like casual sec commitment before sex… I’m sorry

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

If he never wants you to meet his family and friends, and just wants to club you !!!

JohnK123 · Answer

Probably if he doesn’t want to hang outside of the side piece time. How’ve you been tho! Wyd

LiamJHayden · Answer

I don't do "side piece" but if he isn't making her a priority she is probably that.

NicholasRedone · Answer

The booty calls or the booty texts lol 😂 SMS

CubaPirate · Answer

His wedding ring is a clue

Dina2000 · Answer

I guess they're good for a bedroom that's all.

Anonymous · Answer

ask him hehe

How do you know if a guy just sees you as a potential "side piece"?

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