Should I tell my friends with benefits how I feel about her?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been friends with benefits with this girl for almost eight months now. She had just gotten out of a (sexually frustrating) relationship with a man and said that she just wanted to blow off some steam. Also, she says that she is only romantically attracted to men, but almost exclusively sexually attracted to women. She told me that in relationships with men, her sex life is unsatisfying and she fantasizes about women the entire time.

In the beginning, this suited me being that I didn’t feel like being tied down to one woman. At first, we were just screwing around anytime and anywhere. However over the past few months things have changed between us and quite honestly, the more that I’ve gotten to know her, the more that I can see myself with her.

1) We are pretty much together all of the time and when we’re not together, we are always texting or calling/FaceTiming each other

2) I’ve been her plus one for her cousin’s wedding and we went to each other’s families’ Thanksgiving festivities

😌 We’ve gone on vacation out of the country together, had matching Christmas pajamas (her idea) and exchanged (expensive) gifts, did New Years together, and she made Valentines Day plans for us

4) I hang out with her friends and she hangs out with mine

5) She has a photo of her kissing my cheek at a concert as her phone wallpaper

6) I was texting my strictly platonic friend while we were at a bar this weekend and she said “stop texting other women”. I replied that I’m single (although I’m not seeing anyone else because I’m always with her) and she rolled her eyes. Another time, she saw a woman approach me and talk to me and she came over and grabbed my chin and kissed me

7) She has me listed as her emergency contact at work

8) She sent me flowers at work when I was having a bad day last week

9) She does all of my meal prep for the week

10) She has a drawer for me at her place

Should tell her how I feel or move on?

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow girl, it sounds like you've really developed some deep feelings for your friends with benefits over these past 8 months. I can totally understand why - it seems like you two have built a really close, intimate connection that goes way beyond just the physical.

The way you've described it, it really does seem like you're in a committed, quasi-relationship even though you're not officially dating. The matching PJs, the overseas trip, the introduction to each other's families - that's all relationship-level stuff!

And the way she gets possessive and territorial when other women are around? That's a major sign that she cares about you in a deeper way, even if she's not ready to fully acknowledge it.

Honestly, I think you're right to be questioning whether you should tell her how you feel. This clearly means a lot more to you than just a casual fling at this point. And if she's still claiming she's only attracted to men romantically, that could be a big incompatibility.

My advice would be to have an honest, open conversation with her. Tell her that you've developed real feelings and that you're no longer comfortable with the friends with benefits arrangement. See if she's willing to take things to the next level and commit to an actual relationship.

But be prepared that she may not be on the same page. If that's the case, you may have to make the tough decision to walk away, even though it'll hurt. You deserve to be with someone who can fully reciprocate your feelings.

It's a risky conversation, for sure. But if you want a real chance at a future with her, you've gotta put it all out there. Who knows, maybe she's been feeling the same way but was too scared to say anything. Either way, you owe it to yourself to find out. Wishing you all the best, girl!

[LonelyHsoul]

This is a make or break thing, if she doesn't feel the same way, it could be awkward and possibly the end of it all.

If you are willing tfo risk that then go for it

[Valdemort]

I'd think she's struggling with her romantic interests there. Seems to me she's attracted to you, but not really receptive to it. That's just speculative though, I'd have a convo about it with her.

[Nikki1989]

What do you hope to achieve by telling her? Are you hoping to transition the relationship into something more serious?

[Asker]

Yeah. Maybe I should have mentioned this in the post, but I want her to be my girlfriend.

[Nikki1989]

Then you need to tell her how you feel.

[Wise4myage]

Sure, why not?

[bigjake1014]

Yes you should