The guy I’m seeing right now is 21, when I first started talking to him I didn’t really think that much of it but when my mom and aunt found out they lectured me on being careful and asked me why he didn’t just talk to someone closer to his age?
I’d understand this reaction if I was dating a 25 year old or something? I also really don’t get weird vibes from them but I don't know because I’ve never really been in a relationship before
Is there really that big of a maturity difference between an 18 and 21 year old?
Depends. Though in general for young people (as in like under 25, some argue under 30) even just 1 year can make a huge difference. 3 even more so.
It is possible for the 18 year old to be mature for their age and the 21 year old to be immature for their age, so I guess they "meet each other halfway" so to speak, haha.
Either way, 18 and 21 is definitely a way bigger gap than like 25 and 28, or like 32 and 35, so I would definitely proceed with caution.
When the brain is fully developed is somewhat debatable, though usually 25 is seen as the minimum and 30 as the maximum. But either way, at 18 and 21 you're both far away from even 25. So at 18 and 21 the power dynamics are definitely off-balance and in his favor. He could probably manipulate you and use you and you wouldn't notice till it was too late.
Not that my advice is 100% correct, though. It's what I've personally gathered from life experiences and hearing other people's experiences. But others might see it differently.
Absolutely not. It's a fact that men mature much slower than women on average. It depends on the person obviously as some people mature at much different rates than others regardless of their sex.
But you should not judge someone based on age. Judge them independently. If he matches your level of maturity then he does. And if he doesn't, then he doesn't. Age is a non factor in love and relationships. Unless we're talking about prepubescent children. They should not be dating.
Huge maturity difference. There's a reason why drinking is allowed at 21 and not 18 anymore. If you guys are on the same maturity level it's probably a issue because it shows that he's immature or you are too mature. If the relationship continues it will eventually cause issues. This is one of those cannon event things tho where most girls will date older men and then years later after the break up finally see the issue with it so even your family member or people online cannot stop you from making the mistake
I think it totally depends on the individuals involved. My boyfriend was 21 when I was 17. He was always around my house so my family got to know him well. He was a little freaked about dating me while I was still in high school and felt a lot better about it when I got to college the next year. It worked for us. But, we were both pretty mature and I had been dating for 3 years when we met. He was only a year older than the guys I was already dating. We were each others’ first serious relationship.
It’s a case by case basis there are people who are young and wise and old folks who are not.
You’re both adults I do think relationships that revolve around some kind of a age fetish are questionable at best. But that’s not all of them as long as you’re both happy it would be the same thing if he was 18 and you’re 25.
People can give advice but the relationship is between yourself and him. It may not be what's right for them and that’s okay just as someone else’s relationship may not be your cup of tea but you can still be happy for them so long as they are.
That’s what should matter is if the relationship is healthy and if a genuine connection is being established.
A little. I mean legally there are a lot more liberties for a 21yo, and physiologically the 21yo is stronger and more developed than the 18yo… though neurologically we’re not considered “completely developed” till 25….
Maturity is relative. Some folks mature earlier, some don’t, so that aspect just depends on the individuals.
On average yes there is a significant difference in those ages, I don’t think it’s too big a difference but it is enough to consider. When you are 28 and he is 31 or when you are 38 and he is 41 it will hardly be any difference at all but at 18 and 21 specifically it is a difference bc you just became a legal adult sort of, and he has been at that stage of life for 3 years. It depends on the people but yes on average I would say it is a meaningful difference for now. JMO!
Lol. Yes there is but here's the thing your mom has it wrong because I guarantee you an 18-year-old girl is more mature than a 21 year old boy I've seen cases where 18-year-old girl is more mature than 25 year old boy and the 28 year old boy because she knows what she wants she's stronger-minded stronger willed takes on more responsibility and sees things deeper than most guys
Not at all Age doesn’t really define someone’s maturity level , and you both are only 3 years apart so not that big of a deal , Your Mom and Aunt are just being over protective of you that’s all
They’re gonna do that even if he was 18 and a half. They’re coping with the fact that baby girl is growing
Trust me a 21 year old boy has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. People don’t magically morph into adults it takes years of exposure to adulthood
I generally agree with that statement since I’ve talked to a few guys around my age and they’re definitely immature. It’s why I skipped out on the whole dating thing in highschool. He definitely doesn’t come off as immature, we have pretty similar life experiences so I guess that also makes it easy for us both to kind of understand eachother if that makes sense
Also though I think maturity really depends on the person's experiences /in/ life more than their "life experience." For instance, a 25 year old with a perfect history and family relationships has more life experience than a 17 year old, but a 17 year old who's had trauma and dealt with it will most likely be more mature. Everyone has varying levels of maturity in different areas of life though, and that's hard to measure.
Also, when it comes to dating, I don't think it's necessarily a maturity issue (although that matters too) as much as it is a question of whether your goals and interests line up well, /and/ how willing you both are to work hard and sacrifice for those goals.
Age is only one guide to a persons maturity, challenges , hurdles and experiences vs being protected and sheltered could easily make that already tiny age gap insignificant. This together with the well known fact that girls generally mature faster than guys explains why girls generally are more suited to an older guy and dare I say why they are seen as more attractive. Your families views / opinions are not unfounded though and are likely there because of their experiences mixed with their fears and overall of their desire to protect you because they love you. Assuming you hear them out and can convince them you aren’t being ‘ easily led ‘ or ‘ taken advantage of ‘ then this will give them the confidence needed to let go of the reigns a little …. Maybe 🤔
There is a big difference between but its not in ages, Its in maturity level. If a 16 year girl has more maturity then a 25 year old man. Then she will do well in life. Most men dont mature untill late in life. Cause we don't have factors that FORCE us to change. We don't get pregnant we don't have to deal with periods and all that mess. We only have ourselves and life that we live. Some women think its easy being a guy. Its not i would rather be a girl with BAD periods each month. So bad I have to lay in bed with a towel over me. Then be a male in todays world. No wonder why a bunch have lost there dang mind and went to the other side. LOL
It depends on the individuals. Girls tend to mature earlier than boys (who sometimes NEVER mature 😂😂😂. And the younger you are, the more difference a year makes in level of maturity. For most people, by the time they hit 18, their maturity level is at least high enough to survive (although their wisdom hasn't even begun to develop).
I'd say that for the average 18 year old girl and 21 year old guy it's probably not that big a difference so that they can't have a relationship. But it varies among individuals so there is no one right answer.
It also depends on what things each of them has experienced in life and how prepared they are to look out for themselves (particularly the younger girl).
This is why they are telling you to be careful. I'll tell you the same thing. But I would not say you should completely avoid him, just be careful. I know how SOME guys are, and know that SOME guys will take advantage of an 18 year old with little to no experience. SOME guys might consider you to be an easy target.
i'm a bit confused why your mom and stuff think it's weird, because you're both in the same age range, probably both at uni, and are only 3 years appart...
anyways for maturity diff, there definitely is one. in those 3 years you definitely mature. but it's not a crazy maturity difference though. you probably will get along perfectly fine, you're in the same age range
Completely up to WHAT 18 year old and WHAT 21 year old. Women are usually a few years more mature than men. So there's that.
Secondly, it's according to their life experience. A 21 year old college grad who's heading to graduate school is likely more mature than an 18 year old high school grad.
So there's a host of factors that come into play. Take this guy at face value and see where it goes.
No there isn't I was 21 and still felt like a teenager.. I am now 36 and still don't feel all that more mature but I am more intelligent than I used to be. Three years will never really make a difference in how mature someone is compared to someone close to their age.
From my age I find 18 yo girls too child like to be interested in but I don't think an 18 (F) and 21 (M) are hugely different. Either could be more mature than the other and both are legally adults. You shouldn't get to vote if you are not adult :)
Yes very much... Most 21 year old guys are very immature compared to 18 year old girls.
Joking aside, I think around our age there are big differences in maturity and you can't make a general statement. It's close enough to give it a try and you're an adult now anyway, time to take your own decisions and learn from it yourself
Close to his age? 😆😆.. Y'all are literally around the same age.. That's not much of an age difference.. Maturity level doesn't matter since there is a maturity difference, he's a man, women usually want something like that.. You guys are fine.. This age gap thing is getting out of hand..
When I was 22 I dated a girl who was 17. I did not know how old she was before I asked her out but she was really nice and the more I got to know her the more I decided I wanted to try having a relationship.
I think the biggest thing was that she was in high school and I was going to college.
18 and 21 is a perfect age difference to be honest. There isn't that much difference in maturity maybe just a little bit. The 3 years age difference is not a [problem at all.
I believe that woman are maturing faster when they are young compared to guys so if you take that in consideration you and him might be around the same level of maturity🤷🏼♂️
Go tell him that lol then he will 🤐
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Anonymous
(25-29)
1 y
There's even a maturity difference between two people of the same age.
It usually comes down to experience rather than the age in itself. And some 21 year old guys can be nut jobs, thinking they know everything because they're older. I think that's what your mom and aunt are worried about.
21 - 25 years old guy is the perfect zone for you , their reaction is completely unreasoned , enjoy , the guy should always be older , you don't need boys hanging around. They are frightened of the sexual element.
What your family need to realise is that you are both adults. It’s not that big of a difference. Women mature faster than young males so as long as he isn’t acting like some 16 year old you’ll be fine.
I think it depends more on life experiences than just age. Some 18-year-olds can be really mature if they've faced responsibilities early, while some 21-year-olds might still be figuring things out. That said, those three years can bring a lot of growth—college, work, or just life lessons. What do you think? Does age always equal maturity?
He says he’s been in two past relationships, I’m not sure how many he’s slept with but I don’t think he’s the type of dude that just sleeps around at least
That would be a pass for me, personally. The less baggage a person has, the less likely their relationship will fail. And 2 failed relationships in 3 years of being an adult is a lot. And thats just if there really have been only two girls
I'm 19 so I am kinda of in the middle off this. Different people male/female have different maturity values and backgrounds and in some cases different sexual experiences. What do you think?
It seems like 10 years difference when you are young even if it’s one year difference. There is actually difference between 18 and 21 as far as I remember. But once you hit 25 things change. But 21 is still very young. He is not old.
Going to put this out there. At 18 I dated a guy a little older that had to maturity of a 12 year old boy that just discovered his moms Victorias Secret. I think its more the person….
For me personally there was, but each individual is different. A random 18 year old might be far more mature than a random 21 year old, the same, or far less mature.
Age and maturity usually have a correlation but not always. Some people lack the intelligence to mature.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
1 y
Not by much but there is a difference. They've been living as a proper adult for a few years. But it's certainly not a concern for a 21 year old to date an 18 year old. Far from it. You're both very young adults.
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