Is it unusual for a man to be the one not to be ready for sex?

[MoonFace2]

I’m seeing a guy who wants to hang out in my motel room with me, but just to spend time together and to leave sex for another few months. He says he doesn’t feel ready yet. He wants to know me better. I’m autistic as is he and I don’t know if this is normal for a man, as I’ve never met one that wanted to take his time. Is this normal?

[Cormac995]

This is abnormal IN A GOOD WAY! Modern dating these days is a cesspit of people using their privates like a public toilet. Then they get thirty and they wonder why no woman/man wants them anymore and it's because the spent their twenties on tinder swiping right without even reading the Bio.

Most people expect sex early in the relationship sadly a lot of people even expect it on the first date! in my opinion sex without love is unethical for the following reasons.

1. It spreads STD's like wildfire.

2. It results in more unwanted pregnancies often leading to abuse, neglect or being raised in poverty commonly in a single parent home with rotating custody if they're lucky. It also results in people getting abortions and I while I don't have a personal stance on the issue really studies show that abortions often result in psychological trauma and can damage your fertility and cause medical problems long term.

3. Sex is about love not fun; however, love can be fun at the same time.

4. Studies show that regardless of sex too many sexual partners has negative long-term effects on your mental health. The more you have and the more you do it the worse it gets. It often causes attachment issues and makes bonding and building relationships much harder. It also has a negative effect on your self value mentally.

If he says he wants to wait a few months and make sure a bond is built first that's a major green flag. He doesn't want a fling or something light, he wants something serious that has real love in it. in my opinion if you're partner want's sex just a few weeks into the relationship that's a red flag.

This behavior means he's pacing things so they happen naturally so both of you are comfortable and the bond can grow in a healthy and emotional environment instead of one connected to lust. Lust is temporary love is long term. I don't know much else about the guy from how little you've posted but I think you might have hooked a good one so good luck!

[Cormac995]

Also, you mentioned you were autistic and so I'm also guessing that part of this is he knows you have more stringent social and physical boundaries than he likely does. If he's doing this he is likely factoring that in too and part of this, is he wants to make sure this develops at a pace where you are comfortable, feel safe and valued. This is also a major green flag because it shows he wants you to be sure, ready and fully consenting when you hit that part of the road. From the sound of it this guy likes you a lot. Have you been friends for a while by chance?

[MoonFace2]

We’ve known each other properly since February, but he’s been chasing me for the past 8 months.

[Cormac995]

Yea 8 months explains it. I stand by everything I've said. He wants it to be real. He's not after a fling he wants a committed relationship with you. This is really good news if you like him, guys like this aren't very common and personally in my opinion guys that prioritize comfort and affection over sexual needs are probably going to make the best husband's long term because as the hormones wear off the love remains and being realistic if you don't die young everyone becomes ugly eventually. Sex appeal isn't even close to the most important part of a healthy relationship. Key word there HEALTHY.

[MoonFace2]

I think you’re right on everything. He said that he really wants me sexually, but he also wants me just as much romantically.

[Cormac995]

So, he's already made it clear he wants sex but he's choosing to hold back? Yep, I'm 100% now. He's trying really, really hard to make sure he doesn't fuck this up. From where I'm standing, he's doing a great job too, I think he's probably already in love with you, but he wants you to be in love with him too before you take that step. That's a great sign it's an even bigger indicator that he's planning long term with you. He wants to make sure when you cross that bridge it's cemented.

Based on what you've told me so far he's a keeper don't let this one slip away.

[MoonFace2]

He’s told me he loves me, but in a casual sort of way; like, slipping ‘Love you;’ in at the end of conversations twice this week and he wants me to watch his weekend sports game, on Sunday, too. After we’ve spent Friday night together, where he’s surprising me with a nice dinner and wants me to surprise him with what I wear.

[Cormac995]

Yea bro is smitten. Also, those little "I love you's" are one of three things or a mix at the same time.

1. He's practicing for when he says it with real purpose so basically working his way up there and building his confidence.

2. He's testing the waters occasionally to see how you react.

3. Sometimes when you mean it, it just straight up slips out on accident. Happened to me multiple times.

[MoonFace2]

So, he’s probably already in love with me?

[Cormac995]

Probably? No, no, no. He's ABSOLUTELY in love with you.

[Cormac995]

And trust me, with the amount of work and effort he's putting in he's not lying. Nobody would work this hard without feeling that way earnestly.

[MoonFace2]

He told me last night that he doesn’t want to mess things up. He wants me a lot, but he keeps reminding himself that I’m a nice girl and that he should wait for me. He said he thinks I might be the one and confirmed that we’re now a couple.

[Cormac995]

I told you so.

[Cormac995]

I better get a "Superior Opinion" for this one! XD Lmfao.

[MoonFace2]

Yes, you did 😊. He loves me and sees a future together.

[MoonFace2]

Yeah you’re so right lol 🥰

[Cormac995]

Thanks for telling me how things went. If I'm being honest hearing things are going well for you two made my day! Good luck and I hope you two end up having a lot of happy years together.

[MoonFace2]

Thank you and thanks so much for your guidance 🥰.

[Cormac995]

Just remember a few important things.

1. you two are partners that mean you always can lean on each other, you're always equal, and you're always respected.

2 Communication is key. No matter how bad embarrassing or complicated a subject is to discuss it needs to be discussed as a partnership not alone.

3. Little detail keep it going, you should show affection every day and I don't just mean kissing hugging etc. Affection is covering your napping partner with a blanket or giving them a back rub after a long day. Affection is spending time together sharing hobbies and pulling out the chair or a hug before work.

Those little things get overlooked so, so often and it will kill the in time love. I know this for a fact because I saw it with my own parents. Love is in the little gestures and details just as much as the big grand ones.

If you remember these three things than if it's meant to be it should be smooth sailing.

[Cormac995]

Love is hard work but it's worth it.

[MoonFace2]

Thank you 🥰😘😊

[SteveSmith1985]

Not normal as in "common." But certainly normal as in "there's nothing at all wrong with that."

So it's unusual, but it's not a bad thing. It seems to indicate that he is interested in you, as a person. You should have a talk about timelines as you're getting to know him. You're basically in the position guys typically find themselves in. Just be respectful, but communication is good too. Not pressure. Just talking some about what he is thinking if it doesn't happen naturally after you know him a bit better.

Maybe he's a virgin?

Maybe he's been hurt?

Maybe he's just not over someone?

It's fair after an appropriate amount of time to talk.

Depending on what you're looking for, this could be a good sign.

[Summeroflove]

If someone’s not ready they aren’t ready respect that and don’t push it. I think waiting to have sex is better then someone rushing it as for me if someone’s wanting to get into bed too fast it sort of sends the message that’s all they’re really wanting and they aren’t being honest about it.

I think that communication and building a genuine connection goes a long ways further then just jumping into bed. If that’s all a relationship has going for it…. More times then not it’s doomed to fail. Especially when people get bored in bed what happens is many people start cheating as well as cheat because they are so addicted to it and need the next thrill.

It’s normal if someone isn’t ready it’s called boundaries and pushing it could even lead to legal issues.

[MoonFace2]

Why would I push it?

[Summeroflove]

Well asking if it’s unusual I would just take things slow

[Anonymous]

As soon as a guy is kissing me for the first time his hands are already on my boobs if I don't push them away and he would do anything if I let him. I let boys feel my boobs a lot more in middle school and high school but they still go for them now, and many are moving their hands down to my jeans. It's a constant battle of where they're allowed to touch and when.

[IslaTheWitch]

it definitely is better this way than another :D

and why to ask if it is usual/unusual? if you like it, is the only thing that matters

[Nikki1989]

That is not something I have ever experienced.

[Summeroflove]

Not all men are sex crazed and some women are too. It comes down to individual men

[stratford]

Hopefully it will be worth the wait. You might have to use your skills of persuasion :-)

[MoonFace2]

I am not a skilled seductress like that. I’ll just wait til he’s ready.

[stratford]

I respect him for taking his time and sticking to his values. How badly do you want him?

[MoonFace2]

A little bit, but I can wait a few months.

[stratford]

How far have you taken things so far?

[MoonFace2]

Make outs, dates. I’ve let him into my motel room. Body to body cuddles.

[stratford]

To the point where your pussy is wet and you can feel his erection through his clothes?

[molonski2]

Its not usual but who is to say what is wrong or right , give him the time he needs.

[MannMitAntworten]

With someone I am seeing? Yes. It would be unusual. Hell, skipping a day of sex with them would be unusual. Granted, just speaking for myself here.

[Anonymous]

My friend keeps off sex with women he's interested in. Might not be common, but I think it's a positive sign in your case.

[Anonymous]

Less common , but it’s not something that never happens. Is he a virgin or something?

[MoonFace2]

He says he’s not a virgin…

[Opinion Owner]

Then that’s kinda odd , unless he’s trying to be respectful maybe.

[NathanDavis]

perhaps less common, but not unusual... no

[MoonFace2]

What does it mean? Is he a closet gay or asexual, not attracted to me, or is he simply courting me and decided I’m special, so he wants to wait?

[MoonFace2]

He said he sort of wants to but feels like he’s not ready. Feels nervous about it.

[NathanDavis]

I think it is best to ask him and hear what he says...

rather than assume the million different things we could assume

[MoonFace2]

He said that he’s not gay, asexual or unattracted to me. I’m just special to him. He respects me and he wants our first time together to be special.

[NathanDavis]

well, there's your answer...

[MoonFace2]

Maybe. He sort of disappeared after saying that, so we’ll see

[MoonFace2]

He came back and wants to take me out somewhere nice for dinner tomorrow night and we’re chatting later about other stuff.

[MoonFace2]

Maybe he’s just a nicer guy than many I’ve met

[es20490446e]

Leave making sense of choices to who makes them.

[Anonymous]

I was like that in my first relationship

After 5 months of waiting she took command and rode me to victory like a jockey in the saddle

[jahaims]

He is autistic as well. He is probably demisexual

[jahaims]

Is he autistic as well?*

[MoonFace2]

Yes he is autistic as well. We’ve both got Asperger’s syndrome. What is demisexual?

[In_Trance]

Unheard of

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Nope.