I’ve told a man I’ve been casually seeing, that I don’t want casual sex with someone. nothing casual. why is he still sticking Around?

[Anonymous]

I’ve made it clear in detail telling him that I know what I want and it doesn’t include causal hooks/ fuck buddies. He said he understood and he gets it. But then continues to say “idk it just felt kinda right” usually men run away when they aren’t on the same page. What is going on?

[spartan55]

So... I don't understand. You had sex with him already?

[KatherineJ]

Maybe he actually likes you for more than just your body

[Asker]

I mean we do activities , he’s invited for a quick drink, he said he enjoys my company. So our encounters haven’t been sexual, besides once.

[KatherineJ]

Then maybe give him a chance?

[Asker]

He doesn’t want he wants lol I would if he did. But he’s sticking around and it thought he would leave at this point. I enjoy his company, we have fun & laugh

[Asker]

He doesn’t know*^

[BarryLiverstone]

What felt right? You haven’t kissed him yet have you

[Asker]

We have. Sorry he’s speaking into the night we did lol

[Asker]

The whole night we were out hanging with each other. Which hasn’t happen again since. But we’ve seen each other

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s why he is sticking around. He thinks you will want him again

[Asker]

Strange behavior to me.. can’t understand that. I would think being clear will resolve so both parties can move forward

[BarryLiverstone]

It’s not strange. You have sex once with a guy and he will believe he can do it again. How is that strange?

[Asker]

Yeah but I told him it’s not happening lol

[BarryLiverstone]

Ya you did. So I’ve had a girl tell me that she will not have sex with me again. Flash forward to like 3 weeks later and guess what happened

[Asker]

Lol I believe you. I just know what I want and I won’t be satisfied. I will not say what I’ll never do though. Sometimes you do things you never thought you would

[BarryLiverstone]

Exactly. So even you know that you could change your mind in the future. This is why he’s still around.

Why haven’t you blocked him?

[Asker]

I didn’t think I had to resort to blocking 😂 he’s not a bad guy. but I’d hope not because I want something serious lol. But I understand what you’re saying.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right, you block him once you know you don’t want him hanging around.

If you want something serious, why did you start casually?

[Asker]

It was too new, things happen. We had a discussion and I was transparent with him about what I wanted. And it’s led down this rabbit hole. We’ve both made it known we like each others company. There’s just a disconnect with what we both want.

[BarryLiverstone]

The disconnect is his ability to communicate directly and honestly. He’s showing by actions what he wants. But the disconnect is that he wants sex mostly and you want sex AND a serious relationship so you can feel safe and secure and be respected. So yes a disconnect as you are both not being clear with words and actions

[Asker]

You said it perfectly. Yes lol completely. But I thought me saying I didn’t just want hook ups and casual sex was clear enough? I guess highlighting that I want it with someone serious is important?

[Asker]

He’s already stated he’s in a vulnerable place and not in a position to have something serious. That has already been discussed. I’ve told him what I wanted previously before. So this is a prolonged thing lol

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes you are right. You have learned from this that you have to match your words and actions. I get it that in this case things got messy. But if he’s saying he doesn’t want you seriously that’s not going to change in the future. That’s the signal to block him. Yes he’s not a bad guy but you don’t owe him attention as he’s made it clear he doesn’t want you for the longterm

[Asker]

Hence why I’m trying to move forward. Things did get messy. & especially before having a talk after about what we want, this has been stretched out. But you’re right, I don’t owe him my attention and maybe blocking is the solution, that’s just out of character for me

[BarryLiverstone]

I get that. In fact I used to never block an ex. Thought I was being nice and trying to be a good person. Through some boomerang actions I had to learn the value in blocking as it reduces both sides of temptations. It’s actually healthy to block people and it was wild when I learned that as it allowed me to move forward

[Asker]

Lol that is very great to know, different perspective for sure.. thank you

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. Sorry I didn’t just leave an answer and this became a conversation. I’ll leave it be

[Anonymous]

he's waiting for you to cave in or sucker you in to spreading your legs for him and the moment you do he'll pump n dump and leave

[Asker]

Yeah we are past all that now lol