Why would he turn down casual sex?

[Anonymous]

Him and I, we have known each other for 4 years now. In short we dated for a bit, but I rejected him because I couldnt commit to something serious at point in my life. 2 years later he tried to pursue me again, but we just ended up just hooking up.
i found out he was moving and reached out to him to wish him luck. He told me he plans to marry me. the convo then got serious and he told me he liked me and always has. He said he wanted more then just hooking up. He said the ball wa sin my court. He came back to visit a few times and we would try to drunkenly kiss me. I would usually turn him down but sometimes gave in. We didn't really talk when he's away. He was just here a month ago. I saw him a few times but when he tried to kiss me I said we were jut friends he kept trying. and the last weekend he was here i had friends over and didn't invite him. He showed up with our mutual friend. He once agin started talking about how he sees a future with me. We ended up making out and he slept over. he tried really hard for more but I refused. The next day I told him we could have casual sex before he left. He said he had a work thing in the morning the next day and then i never heard from him before he left.. why would he try so hard to get with with me and I said no at the moment but when I offer it to him so easily he didn't go for it...

[aficionado]

You do understand that not all men want just sex, and a lot of them actually want a relationship too, right?

He wanted a relationship with you and marry you, but he only got sex. So he moved on. Its as simple as that.

[Asker]

so why he still try to get with me and have sex with me? and then when i basically offered him it he didn't want it..

[aficionado]

He thought maybe he could make his way into your heart through sex. But apparently that didn't work, so he decided that there's no point in having casual sex with you anymore if he doesn't get to marry you. And he is probably emotionally attached to you as well, so avoiding sex is the only way for him to get over you.

[Asker]

He he was emotionally attached would he try to talk to me more when he's gone, or even when he's here? I feel like its just about hooking up. Eventhough I have turned him down few times before but gave in this time (just to kiss) but said I would sleep with him before he left, basically what he wanted all night when i would only makeout with him. I do like him ( I think he knows) but it makes it so much harder when we hook up and have sex and then he leaves for months

[aficionado]

Huh? Try to talk to you more? He has been trying since years to make your relationship more meaningful than casual sex but you have always turned him down. Not saying its wrong, because its a choice you made. Similarly, he too has made a choice that he can't go on having sex with the hope of something more, because he has realized that he won't get anything more than sex from you.

Allowing him to kiss you doesn't change much when you both have already had casual sex multiple times before.

[Asker]

how can I change that?

[aficionado]

I don't suppose you can change that. The way I see it, the only way you can sleep with him again is by getting into a committed relationship with him. Or you just have to wait and hope that he changes his mind.

[Metlahead]

It is a bit of a turn off when a girl doesn't know what she wants, it also could look to him like you are pity fucking him, either way it may have influenced him to just not bother. Too many future issues.

[Sexualchrist]

He must've really had a work thing. As much as a guy wants pussy, money is still more important. Offer it up to him when you know he's not working.

[Asker]

he was still here for 4 more days though

[Asker]

he said he would get back to me and didn't

[Sexualchrist]

Maybe he found another girl who was easier?

[Asker]

lol no. If he straight up told me he just wanted sex id have no problem with that. him saying all this stuff to me about the future is what confuses everything

[Sexualchrist]

I don't know. Unsolved mysteries.

[Dbt25677]

Did you even read what you just wrote?
"I said we were just friends."

[Asker]

and he still tried to get with me. so I offered casual sex and he didn't want it

[Dbt25677]

Because he really tried and you kept turning him down, so he lost interest.
He would have found it weird that you asked him to do you following the 'we are just friends' thing.

[rUinSAYAN]

cause you are making a game of it and he just joined it

[Rooster1980]

maybe he cares about u so bad but u can't make up your mind if u want to date him or not. Just tell him how u feel.

[Asker]

I have told him how I feel, but he said because of the distance we are friends. then he comes back everytime trying to hookup and get with me, i tell him we are friends, he still tries. makes it hard on me too. it hard to resist but its so much harder when we hookup and he just leaves and we dont talk or anything. then he comes back talks about having a future with me..

[decemberxblue]

Men have standards and self-respect too, you know.

[Anonymous]

you missed the boat girl