What is the secret to having a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

Ok so in 2016 I liked this girl and she told me that she wouldn’t date me if I was the last guy on earth and she actually had me give her number to this other guy. I was clean cut worked out, smelled nice this other guy didn’t take care of his appearance, didn’t shower, talked about doing drugs, often make very offensive jokes. In 2020 I started dating this girl but I now understand it wasn’t an actual relationship but just something to pass the time I was the only person actually invested in it when it came to talking she was never interested, when it came to things going on in my life she never cared I was often physically hit and called horrible names. So what is the actual secret

[SteveSmith1985]

Shit man. You were in an abusive relationship.

That can mess people up in terms of getting them to become accustomed to being treated badly. It's good you got out of that man. Seriously.

There is no real "secret" to getting a girlfriend. That's why there are so many people on here asking questions about girls, guys and relationships. It's not easy.

Part of it is getting yourself out there.

Part of it is pure luck or chance

A lot of it is chemistry between two people (why that girl liked that guy and it made no sense)

The only secret so far as there is one, is

-to demand to be treated right. ALWAYS.

-Treat women with respect. (that's in how you are with women, as well as in your actions)

-Don't get a girlfriend who you don't feel you really like just to have a girlfriend

-Be honest and genuine. Be yourself, don't try and impress anybody by acting/seeming different than you are.

-show interest in a woman's life, and be conscientious of her feelings.

There really isn't any secret. ANyone who says there is... they're full of shit.

Women essentially want the same thing as a guy wants. SOmeone who is special to them, who makes them feel wanted, valued, makes them laugh, is dependable and loyal.

I think a lot of guys make a mistake in thinking women are fundamentally different in what they want or what makes them happy.

So, the answer to "what's the secret" is whatever the secret would be for a girl to land you as her boyfriend? (again, don't get with a girl unless you like her)

Good luck

🙂

[AaronKrieger]

Seems like you chose shitty girls to go after. The main thing people are attracted to is chemistry, since it's a major component of compatibility. They're hard to find, so that's why people are attached to them even if they're shitty at dating.

[Asker]

These girls acted friendly

[AaronKrieger]

Just because a girl likes you doesn't mean you have to be into them. Look for red flags and if they are what you want in a relationship.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Find better options tbh. There is no secret, you've just had some bad experiences. Just be genuine, funny, treat people right and shower and you'll find someone out there for you.

[Asker]

I have been genuine and these girls acted friendly

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

Acting friendly doesn't mean they want to date you. Just keep trying and you'll find someone

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You need to be likable as a person, not just materialistic and focusing on outward appearances.

[Asker]

I wasn’t focused on apperance if anything I was focused on personality and I presented myself as a good person

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Yeah, everything about your post says you focused on presentation, not actually being who you are

[Asker]

So I was always led to believe that how you initially present yourself such as your outward appearance women will notice first then your personality matters. Like they can’t look at you and tell if your a good person

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

A nice appearance makes you first date material, that plus a likable personality makes you boyfriend material, those plus the ability to self-reflect makes you husband material

[Asker]

So where am I going wrong

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You don’t have a likable personality

[Asker]

But how can that be the case when I showed how much I care

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Are you sure you did that in a way that she wanted it?

[Asker]

Yes she told her previous relationship was toxic and that the guy would sexually manipulate her. This was my first relationship so I put my whole heart into it not only did I care about her I cared about her family. I told her upfront that her mom’s opinion of me mattered greatly. The girl would always say you make me feel so loved. But then there were moments where I highlighted above where she would call me some of the most foulest names or hit me even going through that I couldn’t return those actions back because I simply couldn’t it’s not in my morals I could never call a women outside her name and I could never physically hit a women

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Sounds like you had shit taste

[Asker]

Well I initially tried talking to her because she seemed like someone quiet who was more interested in staying in versus going out. She told me she was more of a homebody. Well at the end of the relationship she completely flipped her personality she said I was boring made fun of all my interests and said she needed someone who wants to go out

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That doesn’t change my opinion

[Asker]

So I fell into this based on an act so I get you said I have shit taste but what if the girl is literally faking who she is

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

That’s on you for staying

[Asker]

Ok but how do you not fall into it

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

You leave at the first red flag

[OneViewpoint]

The answer is you suck at choosing the people you allow around you. You may want to work at making better decisions.

[Asker]

These girls acted friendly

[OneViewpoint]

And what was the outcome?

Maybe friendliness wasn’t a good indicator. Maybe these girls were phony?

[masterSir]

a good pair of handcuffs and a noise cancelling room.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Stick to your level and it will be easy.

[Anonymous]

I wonder the same, cause I never had one :(

[Hellraiser1984]

$$$$. That's it.

[Anonymous]

Money