This lady who's 10 years younger than me likes me, would it be appropriate to go out with her?

[Anonymous]

I'm 28 and she's 18, she was flirting with me, is the age gap too much?

[SteveSmith1985]

It might get some looks, but I don't think its inherently wrong... for the right two people.

I wouldn't let the age gap be a barrier to you. Its not so egregious that you'll be ostracized from polite society or anything. But... yea people might have some thoughts about it. Fuck 'em.

The main worry in a situation like this is that there is a deficit in experience and relative power in a relationship with this sort of age gap.

The worry is that you'll end up taking advantage of the difference to manipulate, take advantage of, or otherwise mistreat the younger less experienced girl.

Since you know your own mind, and your own intentions... if YOU know that you're only going for this girl because you really like her; and you're aware of the possible pitfalls of such a relationship (that its important to ensure you're always treating her right, minding the age difference)...

You can be assured... that your intentions are good.

The fact that your asking this, makes me hope you do indeed have good intentions.

Then there's the practical matter of "different life stages" which you're going to have to contend with. Its not that it can't work. Its something you'll have to figure out together if you end up getting together.

First things first though. I'd say go for it, if you can handle people thinking its a little questionable. IF you are confident you can treat this girl right (that includes how you end things should that be where you end up).

I'm telling you here: personally, I don't think the 28 year old who dates an 18 year old is automatically a scumbag.

I would feel very very differently about the 28 year old who hurts girl that much younger. What I mean is, anything but being honest, and loyal, and genuinely doing your best to do right by her... is fucking BAD.

The 28 year old guy who does that, is a scumbag who deserves to have bad things happen to him. That's a really grievous offence in my opinion. It's way way worse than not-doing-right by a girl your own age (which I'm not ok with either, obviously).

So go for it. Just be extra careful about how you treat this girl.

Good luck
🙂

[Shiprex]

She is an adult and has aspirations and perhaps the lads her age aren't interested in what she is after and want to fk around. She may be looking for stability and with someone mature (they keep telling women are more mature than men from the moment they can understand words) but a lot of the time they're no different, just less risk taking and physically engaged than boys but with issues of growing up just as boys do.

[Asker]

She is very mature for an 18 year old.

[Shiprex]

As long as you let her make the first moves instead of pushing her to get into something that you're not willing to either stop right away or go with her on this journey

[Anonymous]

I remember turning 18 and dating a guy who was 24, it felt fine then but in hindsight now I don’t understand why someone who could legally do so much more wanted someone fresh outta high school. That‘s my view with only 5-6 years of a gap. But for you to be nearly 30? Gives the impression you have no other options, women your age don’t want you for one reason or another and so you’ve got to get this naive girl who’s frontal lobe isn’t even fully developed. So legal yes, and creepy yes. Kinda odd yes, kinda strange.

[Asker]

I mean in my defense, she is one hell of a looker, certainly you know how guys are. Lol
Honestly, I didn't wanna rush into any long term relationship in my early 20's, I had some stuff to figure out.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, I know how guys are and no disrespect but you’re putting it on full display now. Look, if you’re just trying to hook up with someone until you’re ready to settle down that’s totally fine but you should find that specifically. There are even apps for average women also seeking casualties. Don’t do that to this girl though, you’ve gotten to have all your impactful experiences in your late teens and early 20s, don’t take away from hers. Don’t give her this impression of men that they are users and selfish.

[Asker]

I genuinely feel a connection beyond looks.

[IslaTheWitch]

it depends...

if she is experienced, or would you be her first?

if you look the same (relationship? hookup?)

do you see things the same way?

what are her motivations? "all my friends did it, and I'm still a virgin"?

definitely take it slowly... give her and yourself time...

[Asker]

We have become friends over the past few months, she's not a virgin, she also happens to tower over me.

[Breanna83727]

She’s an adult, so it’s not wrong, but you’re at very different life stages. At 18, she’s just starting adulthood, while at 28, you probably have more experience and responsibilities. If you both get along, communicate well, and want the same things, the age gap isn’t a big deal. Just make sure the relationship is healthy and fair.

[Asker]

We've actually become good friends recently, but she's made it clear now that she wants to be more than just my friend.

[DrPepper12]

Safe
Legal
Consensual

That's my list.

That said I don't see a long-term future with that age gap.

[Asker]

I'm still trying to find a woman I can have a long term future with.

[Zack-Bann]

Why wouldn’t be?
She’s an adult with agency over her life. Don’t deny her the choice unless you don’t feel the same


If your asking if she’s too young.
She’s not

[slatyb]

If she initiated it, I think it's fine. But you need to be especially careful of her feelings and careful to not derail her life plans. If she was planning on going to university, you must encourage her to do that.

[EmmiL]

Yes, my brother is your age and married an 18 year old. No one cared.

[Alex-Snow]

Only the two of you can decide on it and see if it might work.

[zombiewoof]

Go for it