Is he being loyal or making this up?

[Anonymous]

I’m interested in one of my ex’s friends. I don’t really consider him an ex because we dated less than a month. His friend is really sweet and a nice guy but won’t date me because I dated his friend and thinks he’s being a snake by doing this. I repeat…my ex and I only dated for less than a month and he didn’t even put in effort to try to get together so I doubt my ex would care. This guy is one of my ex newer friends and not some longtime friend but he feels like he needs to hold a strong loyalty towards my ex.

[SteveSmith1985]

No, he's actually being a really good friend. He is doing the right thing. Not necessarily as thing any guy would do. A lot of guys wouldn't. A really good guy, a solid guy would do this. This is him being loyal, 100%.

That's all true. It actually makes me a little happy to hear this story (no offence). It makes me want to give him a manly slow nod of approval. This is good to see.

The solution is that he no longer feel that your ex would want or expect this loyalty from his good friend. The problem is that depends entirely on what this guy thinks your ex feels when it comes to you. And so it depends what kind of guy your ex is.

It also depends very much on how your ex feels about you. Do you and your ex talk? Did it end on good terms? Terrible terms?

If you dated your ex like 2 years ago, but he hates your guts... then it's never gonna happen. Same with if your ex still misses you. Then you're kinda fucked.

If your ex is the type who genuinely wouldn't want to stand in the way of this (he doesn't have feelings for you: good or bad. It wouldn't bother him to see you and his friend together). That's when you're all good.

If your ex were to sit this guy down, and convince him he is actually totally good with this. That he really doesn't want him to not date you because you briefly dated him first. That he appreciates his friends loyalty, but that really... he wants him to go for it. (not a long conversation, but an important one).

Then that's it. Problem disappears.

But... no guy is ever going to have that conversation (your ex in this case)... with the new guy unless he actually really did mean it. He won't bullshit this new guy about it being ok. It really does have to be fine (100% fine) with your ex for him to ever have this conversation with the new guy.

I don't know the context, but i can say, that I like the new dude you want to date. He knows how to be a good friend. This is indeed a thing. Sorry if it screws you out of this guy. You won't change his mind though. Only your ex can. (and only if he is not at all sore or hung up on you)

[teamvic]

Is not uncommon for that to be a reason so he might be telling the truth on that one

[Anonymous]

If I were you I would just accept his stance and let it go. I get where you’re coming from about it having been a month but some friend groups just don’t want to muddy the waters by dating the same women. This guy being a new to the group may even be more incentive in his mind not to date you because he doesn’t want to mess up new connections or make a bad impression with his friends. Yeah none of that should matter, yeah you only dated his friend for a month but what else are you to do, plead your case? Get him to “see the light”? Nah, it isn’t that serious. I’d just move on.

[Shiprex]

He is allowed to do this so pressuring him into something he doesn't want won't be fair.