Has anyone else completely given up on dating? How did it go?

[Anonymous]

[Orion84]

I haven't "given up" exactly, I just have no interest in dating, anymore.

I was in a bad relationship for a long time, and once I finally ended it, I realized just how much happier, and less stressed, I am being single. It was like I finally took a deep breath after not being able to for years.

I just have no desire to risk repeating that experience again, so I just don't see relationships as something desireable, anymore.

[Asker]

I think a lot of people who’s been in bad relationships feel this way once they finally leave. I would ideally like a relationship, but I definitely don’t envy everyone who has one. I’ve actually never had an ltr, but I’ve dealt with plenty of abuse from partners nonetheless. I honestly don’t really understand how people enjoy dating, because i just don’t see it going well for me. I guess it’s complicated for me, because I want a partner but have no reason to believe I’ll find a good one.

I’m glad you got out of that relationship by the way, congrats on coming out the other side

[Orion84]

Thanks, I appreciate that.

I hope you can find yourself a good relationship someday, but I absolutely understand if you chose not to.

I used to be a hopeless romantic, but after going through hell, I just think it's too risky to try and find that one good relationship. The chances of ending up in another soul crushing LTR are too high for me to want to try again.

I'm content to stay single for the rest of my life.

[Asker]

To be honest I’m not sure I know how to find a good relationship at all. I’m not even sure how to begin doing that at this point. I’m glad that you are content being single, and I agree with you it’s just not worth the risk for everyone.

And I can’t with the hopeless romantic stuff. I grew up around a lot of people like that, and women in particular really have no idea how dangerous and destructive that mindset can be. Society in general really puts romance on a pedestal, and it can be hard to break out of the messages most of us were taught our entire lives. I think it’s important that we make our own choices, and for some of us that means accepting that romantic love was never in the cards to begin with. Let people do what’s best for them

[Orion84]

I completely agree; I had the "hopeless romantic" knocked out of me, hard. I fell into that trap of looking for a happy ending, and I wish I never had.

Fortunately, I did learn, but unfortunately, it was too late, and cost too much.

[ohsheeT]

Why would you want. to do that.

Ok so if things are not going right for how many years now. If it's not working change it up. Re invent your self you can't stand still and think your going to go somewhere. ...

Start walking and figure it out on thevway

[Asker]

Well since you asked, it’s because my experiences with dating have been a lot more negative than positive, and I’m honestly not sure I have the skills I need to find a good relationship even if i were looking for one. I’m trying to change things, but the most sensible way to do that at the moment is to stop wasting time and energy on an empty pursuit of something that likely will never happen

I haven’t stopped walking, I’m simply walking in a new direction like you said. If I learn some new skills I might start dating again, but until then it’s just not worth the frustration and abuse. Sorry if that’s not the answer you wanted, but it’s the truth

[ohsheeT]

Well you have nothing to be sorry for..

And the answer you gave me was perfect. Because it was honest. It is the way you see it and how you feel about dating. Can you Dm me and give me 20 min of your time to see if you can improve on some things and. become. more confident with in yourself

[Asker]

I appreciate your kindness, but this is something I will have to work on myself over the course of months if not years. I start therapy soon and hopefully things will start to change once I’ve made some progress with that. I’m learning to work with my circumstances a little at a time, but people like you are making the journey feel a lot more doable. Thank you again for your support

[ohsheeT]

Not a problem, the biggest thing is you have to be confident with in, and there's no reason not to be

When we were all born
We are all given a gift
That gift is choice

We get to choose who WE wants to be by the things we say and do

And yes, things are going to happen to us here and there. But it's OK. Anything that has ever happened to us, we make it through. And 10 out of 10 times. There is a positive that comes from it

[PeachyPie93]

Guys suck in general so I'm not really interested in bringing down my walls to let a loser get close to me again. I rather just flirt around with guys online and have it go no where lol

[Asker]

Fair enough. I don’t flirt much online either honestly. I know how men feel about me and don’t want to be reminded

[Nikki1989]

I dated for almost 10 years before meeting my husband, and I loved every minute of it.

[Asker]

I was dating about that long. Didn’t love it and so husband so lol 😝

[OlderAndWiser]

I have up dating because I met The One and we are now married.

[Zack-Bann]

I once gave up on eating food altogether in an attempt to crash diet
I ended up just crashing


Giving up on dating is the exact same thing:
It’s not noble
It’s not mature
It’s not self love
It’s not a pragmatic decision


It’s just “giving up”
All because boowoo someone didn’t like me or broke my heart or tried to abuse my affection


Screw that person
But I wouldn’t screw myself in the process

[Asker]

This response is a little tone deaf tbh. I appreciate the tough love energy, but it’s clear from reading this that you fundamentally don’t understand the reasons why people stop dating. Dating isn’t on the table for me right now, not because I think it’s a feel good decision, but because it’s just not possible to date currently with the amount of trauma that I have. I’ve been abused multiple times by multiple people, I’ve been sexually assaulted, and to boot I have my own slew of psychological and attachment issues that all make it extremely difficult and impractical to commit myself to another person at this point in time. If you think heartbreak and rejection are actually the worst case scenario for dating, then I honestly kind of envy your naivety. It’s possible that one day after years of person work that I will be in a position to date and fall in love, but until that happens I ask that you respect my decision

[Zack-Bann]

I respect everyone’s decision even those I don’t agree with
And of course I had no idea your situation was based on actual abuse and assault for that I am truly sorry

I can’t tell you what the right answer is because there isn’t one.
You’re on a path right now and I hope you’re taking the right direction to one day come out stronger and happier
Best of luck

[Asker]

Thank you i appreciate that

[jamesgoldman]

Yeah, 8 years ago

Can make better use of my time

[Asker]

That’s kind of how I’m feeling rn. Why pour hours into chasing men and going on crappy dates when I could use that energy to become a better happier person?

[Anonymous]

Depends what you define as giving up. It's been like 10 years since my last date. I haven't given up per se. I just not actively engaged in it. How is it going? Fine. I'm good with it.

[Asker]

That’s kind of what I mean. I’m not fundamentally opposed to dating, I’m just not holding my breath on anything at this point. I’m glad your at peace with the choice you made

[Opinion Owner]

It wasn't a choice. I'm a firm believer equal effort. I give what I'm given.
The last 5 years. Dating just really hasn't been an option for me. I've had more pressing matters.

[Asker]

Fair enough

[Adogdog]

I am disappointed but have not given up.

[Asker]

I have. I know you’re not supposed to but I’ve been hurt enough times by now

[Adogdog]

I'm sorry. That sucks

[Asker]

Thank you. I wish you the best of luck by the way

[Adogdog]

You too, if you ever wanna chat, feel free to message me.

[Asker]

Thanks!