So I think I said some things that I shouldn't have said looking back on our last date but he still wants to go out with me so I guess I didn't scare him off with how honest I was.
I told him about my alcohol poisoning story. How it was over a guy. I don't know why the hell I did that.
I also blurted out I had a dream about him the morning after the last date and he asked me was it good or bad and I said it was good and that I had met his family in the dream.
Maybe I'm overthinking it and it was fine but I feel like I need to have a filter. I'm too honest lol
So are you blunt or cautious?
Blunt, I have no filter
Cautious and thoughtful
In-between
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Please select your age
Are you a really blunt person or cautious with your words?
It took me all the way until recently to start filtering. I’m often proud of myself for not saying what I want to say. I’m learning to listen to that small voice that says, “DON’T SAY IT!”
I am blunt as hell with stuff like that. I don't think you were being too honest with him. You didn't overshare. He feels closer to you for opening up about something like your alcohol poisoning.
The reason the talking phase sucks, is because both people are being overly cautious to not show their true selves. Both people are overly concerned with what impression their every word and action will give to the other person. It's so stupid. But normal.
Being comfortable with someone, means never ever asking yourself the question you asked here. "was it ok that I said that?"
You opening up to him (big things little things whatever) in ways that are real. That show your humanness; that show you aren't perfect; that may paint you in a less-than-flattering light... this is a good thing. It's part of actually getting to know someone. And I think it makes it easier for the other person to take their mask off too.
This is another version of the "am I getting too attached" thing. Same thing for practical purposes. If you think this way, you will alter your behavior in a way that fucks this up.
You need to distract yourself somehow. You are an overthinker. A bad overthinker.
You have to wait for your next date. Don't show up in a mindset that is different from the last time he saw you... because you've come up with a bunch of things wrong in your head.
He is on the page you were both on together the last time you saw him. You want to be on that page the next time you see him.
You are reading ahead and writing the story too. All by yourself. Without him even knowing you've left the page you were both on.
There is no reason whatsoever, that you shouldn't be in the same excited, giddy, hopeful person you were the last time he saw you.
The way you felt immidiately after your second date is real.
This overthinking worrying nonsense is not real. But it can do you real-world harm if you start convincing yourself the situation is other than what it is.
Yeah I need to definitely work on that. It's one of my biggest weaknesses... overthinking especially in dating. But you are so right. I will try to just be myself and not overthink too much on the next date we have. Thanks.
It;s the thinking between dates you have to watch. That's your problem. You're fine on the dates, things go great. But then you slowly come to convince yourself that they aren't in fact great... there are actually all these problems. (oversharing, overattached etc).
The worry is, you show up for your next date... not excited to talk about being exclusive. But rather with the idea in your head that you're moving too fast for him, or that you're being too open.
Just try and keep in mind, that there were none of these worries immidiately after your date. You discovering things to worry about after that? It's all in your head. Remember how you felt after the date. That's what's accurate and true. You didn't 'miss' something you did wrong.
You keep posting these, so I can keep telling you not to worry. Don't be worrying by yourself. It's important to be told you're overthinking when you are.
Yeah I will definitely calm it down on the overthinking in between the dates. I guess I just really don't want to f it up like I've done in the past. That's my worry. That I will do something to mess things up. But you're certainly right. I just need to stop worrying and take things as they are which is just things are going great so far and if it wasn't he wouldn't have asked me out on another date.
You can't always control overthinking. It's still good to get the thoughts out into the real world, so other people (me) can point out that your thinking has no basis in reality. It keeps you from believing your own false conclusions to have them struck down.
I definitely know you really don't want to fuck this up. I know that's where all the overthinking comes from. I get it. It's not even abnormal.
Things are going well. Exceptionally well. And that's scary in it's own way, because it becomes something you really don't want to lose.
It's hard to get yourself to believe things are indeed going so well. And that's fine.
You're not doing anything that's different than what anyone in your shoes would be doing. I'm just trying to make sure you don't run away in your head so much that it changes how you think about the situation.
Things are going great. Things are gonna continue going great. That's what the evidence suggests.
(you will get to talk about all of this with him, in about 6 months. You'll laugh at this overthinking... with him. You'll see. Those are the best conversations)
But most the time I would rather listen I mean if I'm blunt. It's because the Person is trying to Manipulate or wants to take my kindness as weakness And even then I will listen because I want to see how far they really are going to try to take it.. Or see how dumb they really think I am be cause I have said any thing about what's going on so. They think they are just so smart
But even then in a very low quite voice I will be blunt to the point in detail but as I talk the way I say it it's over. Head And they still think they're getting away with something. Because I didn't comprehend what I just said. And then one of their friends will start lnothing until their friends to just shut up because they're busted.
But there's not too many things that have to get that serious To be totally blunt about something
I generally choose my words carefully, not to be politically correct or sensitive to others' feelings, but to be correct and not misunderstood by others.
Sweetie, I highly request that you listen to some relationship coaches. I know everyone doesn't agree with me. But I have learned so much about relationships that I never knew. Just check it out. I'm a serious overthinking too. It has ruined relationships. Overthinking is directly related to our childhood trauma. Have you talked to your therapist yet? This is just what worked for me. I can't say it will work for everyone. Just search relationship coaches on YouTube. Best wishes love. I'm right there with you. Hmu anytime.
I have and she gave me a self-love workbook to help with that which has helped tremendously in making me feel more confident and less insecure/anxious. But I will definitely search up relationship coaches on YouTube. Thanks!
I'm both I don't know. Sometimes I say things that seem just obvious stating facts and people react like I'm so ballsy for saying that or like I've insulted someone. Other times I feel more nervous about saying something because my own moral code can be a bit restrictive and/ or I don't know how the person will react. It depends who it is and what the topic is. I want to just be comfortable with saying anything tbh I'm already halfway there I might aswell go all the way I can still try and be more tactful in some situations.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
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For you: Seems you're impulsive rather than being blunt as per you state.
If calmly and properly delivered, then it may just be normal or even confident and sweet or affectionate.
If just randomly and not properly-timed or stated, then a little unaware or impulsive.
For me: I am well known as quite clearly sharp and intense, even in my softest and calmest modes. I simply do not tolerate, might just calmly express it.
Definitely in between.. being upfront and blunt can make most people seem rude and disrespectful.. but being upfront in a nice way is always cool and down to earth
So personally I like to be chill and not so straight forward and in the middle at times
Thank you for the short story! There were times when I said things that didn't come out the way I wanted either. I said them because I wanted to be an open book. I voted thoughtful because I like to think. I'm also cautious about what I say, when I say it. But the other aspect of that is gauging how the listener responds, which is not so good.
I don't think that I am blunt, but I am a straight shooter as my profile states. I just like to get to the point!! I also don't care for waisting other people's valuable time either.
Have you ever experienced someone telling you something and they ramble on and on? Man, don't take me all around with your words - just tell me in a nutshell what you want to tell me.
I am extremely blunt, no filter. I don't even have a space were a filter should be. Wouldn't change that but I'm just as shocked as you are with what comes out of this mouth sometimes. Haha, with that I am very honest, too honest really, and a lot of people think that I'm joking most of the time when I'm simply keeping it 100%. BUT they aren't totally wrong, I don't ever try to hurt one's feelings on purpose but if it's funny, it just comes out. So I guess one could say I have somewhat of a filter if it's mean or very insulting towards someone but if it's funny, sorry it's flow out... Haha
There are situations in which I try to filter myself, but even that doesn't work very well. I still end up saying what's on my mind, I just use slightly less offensive terminology to say the same thing.
Depends on the person I talk to and people I’ve been living with. You simply can’t come out clean if you’ve been in a coal mine. I remember the ghetto city of India called Mumbai forced me to act ghetto. I was saying excuse me, please, thank you etc and they never use these words. It’s more acceptable to say fuck, bitch and a bunch of other expletives. They would bully you for being pretty and classy. The most “developed” Indian city was a huge disappointment
I'm a little bit of both, cautious and blunt depending the situation, but honestly if Its someone I like there's nothing she could tell me that would have me second guessing her, unless it's craaaaazy crazzzy, the only thing that probably would make me think like that is maybe her being stuck on her ex. Now myself I'm shy around anyone, but if I know you and care for you I'm chill blunt.
Depends who I'm talking to at work I watch what I say bit with my family I just blurt things out most the time and if I'm drinking then it all spills lol
I don't know. It just slips out sometimes man. I actually hate being blunt. I've pissed off my ex so many times for being so blunt. I'm trying to calm it down though but I find myself still putting a foot in my mouth like how I described above.
I think like all things it takes practice... I still put my foot in my mouth on occasion still but if I just take a breath often before i reply that can be all it takes to avert disaster. I think its always good to be honest. But still you have to choose your words carefully. Now some people deserve both barrels but again I have thought about it for a second before i fire.
You're not blunt. You have no self control. You're spilling your guts. There will be moments for that sort of honesty down the road. But first and second dates are NOT the appropriate time for that sort of life story dumping.
Blunt is telling someone that new hairstyle looks like Stevie Wonder cut their hair. Blunt is telling someone that dress makes her ass look huge. Blunt is telling a guy he's put on some serious belly fat. I'm blunt. You're a wide open faucet. :)
I’m an empath so I try to be careful with my words but it naturally comes out direct and honest, i’m pretty straightforward and if I try to fight it my face will give it away —I’m very easy to read.
Blunt for sure, though that don't mean I speak my mind about whatever. I like to be an open book, but others don't. So then I don't. Though if they want me to be that's what they get.
Both. I think I'm being cautious but it still comes out blunt and a little too direct for others liking. It's not my intention but nonetheless others get their feelings hurt.
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