Why does every date I go on end the exact same way?

Question

I’d like to start off by saying I’m a fairly shy and introverted person, so I haven’t been on many dates. I’d also like to mention that in terms of the men I’ve gone on dates with, I don’t have a type. All have had very different personalities, backgrounds, age demographics, etc. My concern is that my dates always tend to end the same way. No matter what, my counter part tries to initiate some form of sexual contact, even if there was no indication of this being something I’m willing to participate in prior, or in the moment. I even went on one recently where the whole date we had no contact of any form, and still as soon as it was time to go home, the same thing happened. I thought maybe it was because they would pick me up/ drop me off, however even getting/ leaving by my own means hasn’t stopped this issue. I also thought maybe it was because the clothes I wore were too enticing, but even wearing jeans and a tee/ sweater hasn’t seemed to change anything. So I'm trying to figure out why I have this problem. Is this just normal in dating culture these days?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Ok soi don't know you but I'm going to say your beautiful. Your An introvert so so that means you look deeply into people's eyes when you communicate most of the time You have a pure heart, You're very kind and giving and when you See somebody needs help or even being bullied in away You will say something

You also see and feel things deeper than most people And when you add all the above You're aura Your body chemistry And your energy projects it's self.

Sometimes you might feel this. Maybe you don't pay attention but when this a very sensual romantic passionate filling within

But you don't even have to feel this and the people that you are around do

They put all the above together. And they killed this coming towards them

They feel something but they don't understand why they're feeling it or what they're feeling it and it is very seducing If I was standing next to you I would feel it but I would understand it.

And that feel would make me feel the sane way and you then would start to feel me.

It's just who you are. And really there's no way to control it.

When you do find that person you like and hecunderstands what and why your feel it and when things to to a point of really liking this person. Your first touch your first kiss and go further. Your going to melt. And if you become one with this person
your going to go to highest peak and beyond then if you really can't feel yourself right now. Then that day you will Experience one of the most beautiful feelings you're ever going to feel.

I would also say you are gifted in.
Many other ways to. But that why guys do what they do.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I think it totally depends on what you mean by "sexual contact." If you mean the guy tried to kiss you, then that's perfectly normal.

If you mean anything more than a "goodnight kiss" and that's not usual or appropriate if there was nothing to suggest that's what you were looking for. Most guys aren't going to try anything on a first date unless there's a vibe.

I would like to help you figure this out. This is a 'type' even if it's spread across age, race etc demographics. This is not usual behavior for a guy on a first date.

How long did you chat with these guys before the date? Where did you meet them?

How did the dates go? Just how many times exactly are we talking about? (there is a big difference between 3 times or 7 times).

There is something going on here. I don't think it's you. I think it's them. If you're an introvert, who was not being sexual on the date, then there is no reason a guy should be mistakenly going for something sexual... on a first date.

I do think there is some similarity between these guys. The odds of you coincidentally meeting even 3 guys... who were decent guys... who misread the same situation the same way... is zero.

I'm curious about this too. Let's see if we can figure this out.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It sounds like you’re uncomfortable with boundaries not being respected, which is completely understandable. Unfortunately, some people assume that a date should end in sexual contact, but that’s not a universal expectation. It’s important to clearly communicate your boundaries at the beginning of a date and then comfortably reinforce them by the end. If someone ignores your boundaries, that’s a red flag, and you deserve someone who respects and values ​​your boundaries. Don’t feel pressured to conform to expectations that don’t align with what you’re comfortable with.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

Each kind of men do you date? Don't go on date with guys that look overly confident or too good looking cause those in general are always after one things only.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

What exactly do you mean by "some form of sexual contact?" That could be anything from trying to kiss you to putting their hand in your panties. As others have said, wanting a goodnight kiss would be fairly normal but expecting more would be suspect.

Perhaps there is something you are doing in the process of finding these guys, subconsciously selecting the wrong guys. Are you meeting these guys on Tinder or another hookup site?

Do you have enough self-confidence to believe that you are attractive to guys just as you are or do you think you need to try harder? Sometimes, people who are introverted try to compensate and sometimes that leads to over-compensating. Are you trying to be flirty with these guys?

coachTanthony · Answer

very vague have no idea without details of what you mean by this.

Miristheiss · Answer

This is dating now. This is the result of the birth control pill, feminism and the sexual revolution/hook up culture.

Women were given "freedom". They have used that freedom to become promiscuous, have tons of abortions, to no longer have kids, to no longer marry. Men have always been horn dogs who will sleep with whoever/whatever they can (many that is).

Women, as a whole, used to require marriage with her to become sexually active. Now, women do not. Many men know most women will put out. You don't have to be in a relationship. You don't have to get married. Most men know marriage is a horrible contract now because of no fault divorce. You don't have to have abuse or adultery, women can just bail at any time, any time they don't feel it anymore they are out. 70 to 80% of divorces are initiated by women. There is NO PENALTY. They break the contract but still get all of the man's financial benefits. Half of his stuff, alimony, they get the kids. When THEY BROKE THE CONTRACT. There should be penalties. If they commit adultery, destroying the contract. There is zero penalty. They still get all of his financial resources. Instead of having justice, party X broke the vows and betrayed their spouse hence they don't get much in the divorce. No, they can break it for no reason and take all the guys stuff and get alimony.

So most guys don't want this fucked up contract. Women will have sex starting in high school now and put out. Some guys are just after some casual sex. Those types may just try for sex right away. That's all they want. Some guys still want relationships and to have 1 person just for them. There are tons of guys now that are just going for sex.

This is a side affect of women in mass just putting out and being promiscuous and divorce laws that are one-sided.

Cormac995 · Answer

You're having bad luck with guys. Any dude who expects to bang on the first date is a red flag to me. If a woman says she needs time and emotional investment and that's too much work than all you did was dodge a bullet and you didn't lose out on anything. A lot of men these days are man whores just like a lot of women have become sluts. All you have to do is go on a dating app and you can see the state of degeneracy our species has devolved into dating wise. You'll know you've found a good guy when he doesn't push for sex on the first date. Any guy who does in my opinion is a red flag.

hahahmm · Answer

1. Guys only go on dates with women they find sexually attractive.

2. You didn't set any boundaries/expectations before the date so what you got is what guys believe most/average women expect/want/need. Like if you went to a pool party you would take a bathing suit. That kind of thing. Mileage varies of course. One guy may think feeling up every inch of your body is normal. Another guy may think that's not normal on a first date. But without any upfront expectations it's out of. your control.

3. sounds like you are going on dates with guys you know almost nothing about but to avoid my #2 point you should limit yourself to guys you know more about and who know what your expectations are.

Novacane · Answer

I think sadly that can be the general, especially if the date seems to be going well, some will take their chance. Guys are typically expected to initiate; they have to make the move, or else nothing will ever happen. Obviously that is not your case, and you do not want that, so I think letting them know upfront or during the date that you do not like that due to personal reasons, and they should respect that.

I'm sure there are those out there that won't do that. I personally didn't even touch my girlfriend until she gave me the verbal that she is okay with that. She said at one point she thought I didn't like her because I would never touch her.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Where are you "meeting" these guys? If it's on dating apps or the internet in any way, maybe try meeting guys in person. Go out with friends. Not to clubs. Go out to a nice wine bar. Meet guys and talk to them face to face. Get some sense of whether you want to give your number to them. Even better, go out to local places where you know people and people know you. Start with a group around you. Move out of your introversion a little so that you build a community of at least acquaintances who surround you.

Douglas1180 · Answer

The left's so-called "progressive" dating culture seems to have devolved into an anything-goes free-for-all, doesn't it? But let's be clear: respect and consent should always be non-negotiable, regardless of political leanings.

It's unfortunate that you've encountered such persistent disregard for your boundaries. This behavior is not normal, nor should it be tolerated. Dating should be a mutual exploration of connection and interest, not an opportunity for someone to impose their desires upon you. President Trump himself has emphasized the importance of respecting women, and true conservatives value traditional notions of chivalry and honor

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

"I don’t have a type. All have had very different personalities, backgrounds, age demographics, etc."

^ This is your problem.
It causes this:
"my dates always tend to end the same way. No matter what, my counter part tries to initiate some form of sexual contact."

When you remove the stipulation that they need to have shared interests and hobbies, you attract the ones that are in it just for sex, and you make the ones who want a relationship think your too boring to date.

To connect mentally you need a mental match. People who are mentally different won't be able to stay together, as all thats left for them is sex.

LiamS95 · Answer

You may be dating the wrong kind of guys that are strictly looking for a hook up or not clearly letting your boundaries be know. I find that there are also a lot of women that are just looking for a hook up and make it clear I don't do hook ups and then they lose interest pretty quickly. I'd love to find a woman like you where being best friends is a priority if we eventually get sexual well it is what it is but it would be because we feel very comfortable and trusting of each other and have developed some kind of mutual respect maybe even love for each other not because we want a quick hook up, does that make any sense to you?

Anonymous · Answer

Speaking for myself, I can be be physical on a date. Not necessarily sexual but touching someone's hand, putting my arms around them. If the moment presented itself, I'd go for a kiss.

But it depends on how the date is going. Maybe you're indicating that you're comfortable taking it there or they're just not reading the situation clearly. Did you vet the person you're going out with through conversation? Maybe it's the location. If it's a dinner date, it's more likely to escalate or be prone to escalation.

glennos89 · Answer

Do you understand that in 95% of all cases woman won't make a move first? They won't ask a man out on a date, they don't kiss a man first, they don't initiate any form of romance first. But still men get blamed for trying to initiate the first move 😑

NotLongKindaGirthy · Answer

Maybe you're so hot that guys can't help themselves.

Or maybe the guys are misinterpreting something you say or do, that makes them think you're willing to do physical stuff.

Or maybe you have a reputation for being "easy," even though you aren't.

Or maybe it's the guys you choose to date.

Based on what you've told us, it's really impossible to know for sure. Sorry.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Honestly, a big part of this might be a consequence of you being shy and introverted. As a shy and introverted woman, the kind of guy you're going to have success with are the guys who are bold enough take a shot, even though your behavior isn't indicating interest.

Unfortunately, the same confidence and risk taking that caused them to ask you out is often what causes them to roll the dice at the end of the date.

seeyounexttuesday · Answer

So this is where you put your big-girl panties on. You state to the guy upfront, before the date "hey, I'm really nervous about putting myself out there on dates. I just want to set your expectations for the night. I do not want to do anything physical or sexual with anyone on a first date. If this isn't a problem, I'd love to go on that date. If it is a problem, then I wish you the best"

Babebytheshore85 · Answer

1. They weren't attracted to you. 2 you're insecure. 3. You lack self respect. 4. You're not interesting 5. You lack a personality 6. You're desperate.

Professor-college · Answer

Perhaps because you're always doing the same things and expecting different results by doing the same things it's not very clever... You should probably consult a professional about this to see something you're doing wrong that you can't find yourself

strateguy632 · Answer

Sounds like he thought it was a tinder "hook up" so filter before setting the date , ask, are you looking for a hookup? See how he replies.

chrissykerdock · Answer

it's okay to let a guy touch your private parts on a 1st date because that's not sex

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

Find someone who respects you. Try the guys who are like you an introvert. Im not trying to sound like a prude but I wouldn't date a woman who puts out on the first 3 dates. Especially if it's the first one.

exitseven · Answer

Guys today get mad in they spend money on a date and then they do not get sex.

zagor · Answer

Some guys feel their date will be insulted if he doesn't at least try.

In_Trance · Answer

It's probably because you keep doing the same thing expecting different results and it doesn't work that way

msc545 · Answer

Tell them ahead of time you are not planning to have sex with them. The date may be canceled as a result, but that is better than be mauled.

Pohjolan · Answer

Maybe you are just choosing fuckboys on Tinder?

Mrtcn01 · Answer

important things how did you pick the guys end why you dont have criteria?

Awesomesauce2005 · Answer

Not normal, find a guy who isn't after the meat in your knickers

Godihateyou · Answer

You are the common denominator. You don't learn from your mistakes

Anonymous · Answer

sounds like you’re using dating apps, if so, there’s your answer.

Anastasia86 · Answer

Cause they have no imagination.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Because you don’t change the ending

Anonymous · Answer

At least you had a date, I never had it.

Anonymous · Answer

Where / how are you meeting these men?

Why does every date I go on end the exact same way?

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