Still a virgin at 28, what am I doing wrong?

Question

For what it's worth I usually date 4 years in my age range (mainly because I want to have kids one day and with women older than 36 that'll be hard).

Last year I asked out roughly 30 women irl. All of them rejected me and one reported me to HR and I got in a lot of trouble. I've been banned from bars for "shooting my shot too many times" (manager's exact words even though it was only 6) and tinder has been useless.

It's literally JUST inexperience that's the issue. Almost every woman I've met has picked up on my inexperience and said they don't want to be my teacher. Even had people tell me to give up forever because I’ll never possibly catch up after all these years (and how all these failed attempts have probably ruined me).

The years before, I've been rejected about ten times each so not as much as 2024, but it's still a lot.

What else can I do to find a life partner?

ProbablyClueless · Accepted Answer

When someone says that the problem is your inexperience, what they're really saying is that you come across too forceful, nervous, excitable and awkward. You probably talk in a way that makes it clear that you've never really had a normal "human" interaction with a woman. I've seen this with a number of women who don't know how to respond when a man expresses interest in them, so it definitely goes both ways.

I would say my interpretation is showing up when you're getting kicked out of bars for shooting your shot too many times, or getting reported to HR. The problem isn't that you're trying to talk with women. Men shoot their shot with women in bars all the time and they aren't getting banned from the establishments. The problem is that you're doing it in a way that makes those women feel extremely unsafe. Maybe you aren't picking up on the social cues that the woman is uninterested, or your approach is just... a lot... it might just be way more than is appropriate for the moment.

If I were you, I would start by developing normal, platonic friendships with women, and eventually that will lead to you being able to make a romantic connection (preferably NOT with the women you make these friendships with). You need to give yourself the chance to see how women think and respond to different things. What they like to talk about. What they find charming, how they like men to dress, etc.

One really nice thng about women is that when you take away the sexual side of things, they can really be very gentle and sweet people. It's best to see that side before having sex and throwing a monkey wrench into the works. I have come to the conclusion that sex turns most people into fucked up little monsters.

Zack-Bann · Accepted Answer

You’re the only one I’ve seen on this app that actually put in the reps
Most people are single because they isolate themselves and put 0 efforts

If you’re getting rejected in mass the change clearly needs to be personal

I don’t know what you look like but you need to cover the basics

Get in shape (can’t be fat or too skinny)
Get a good haircut and shave
Dress in well fitting clothes with a good color palette
Obviously make sure to shower throughly and use some perfume

Once you got all that down you need to work on your “game”
That’s basically the things you say and more importantly how you say them: your tone of voice your volume and speed. Your body language. Your eye contact… many things go into this

And one more advice is: temper your expectations. You don’t HAVE to meet the mother of your children from day one.
You’re a virgin. First start by meeting a cool girl you have chemistry with and lose that virginity.
If she’s the one after that great
If not, no big deal you try again

But you need to operate from a position of abundance not scarcity that’s the main thing

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

Well do you have friends? Do you come off dorky? Are you weird? Are you ugly? Most woman like someone who knows how to talk and mingle and isn't socially inept. Instead of trying to get a girlfriend, learn to talk to people first and pick up on how they respond to you. If most people seem to rush out of a conversation with you or show disinterest, know it is because you are missing something that makes people want to engage. I used to be super shy and not good at talking to guys. So in high school I used to just pretend to be a character from one of my favourite shows and I would behave like that character. I ended up getting popular and made lots of friends in grade 11 & 12 by doing that. So just fake it until you make it :P Also ask people you are close to around you, if there is something wrong or off putting about you, like your siblings they tend to tell the truth lol.

HollyK21 · Accepted Answer

Do you want sex or do you want a life partner? Because the first one is the easiest thing to get, a desperate man could even pay for it. The second could require a lot more soul searching. 28 with no romantic experience, the question is why aren’t women taking interest in you? Your personality could be playing a role, as can looks, lifestyle, profession, etc. A woman saying she doesn’t want to be your teacher could be true but it could also be a copout, an avoidant way of rejecting you. Who knows, maybe you’re abrasive in nature or pushy, maybe you make women uncomfortable with your methods of flirting and trying to make a move. For you to have been reported to HR, banned from establishment, this surpasses a simple lack of experience and points more towards character flaws within the person.

Spencer10 · Answer

OK this may be an unpopular bit of advice but this may be the perfect time to hire a sex worker. Explain the situation and i am sure you can get a crash course in sex and learn all the required skills required if thats what you are concerned about.

petitedollbabee · Answer

Depends on the lengths you're willing to take, to get “experience”. If you have the income for it, you could hire an escort to go on a date with you, and pay her extra to get tips & advice about how to better your game.
28 isn’t that old to be a virgin, you’re acting like you’re 50. I doubt your inexperience is what is sending ladies running from you. There will be something else going on that you’re not seeing.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Instead of directly pursuing romantic relationships, concentrate on becoming more comfortable and confident in social interactions with everyone. It seems your social skills need some work.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Out of the 30 women you asked out how many were your coworkers?

Ariesman81 · Answer

You just gotta care about it less. Easier said than done, but it's how attraction works.

Anonymous · Answer

naturally being born the male gender means you are at higher risk of ending up like this

Anonymous · Answer

i think cases like this are on the rise

Heusus · Answer

Lmao

Still a virgin at 28, what am I doing wrong?

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I am still a virgin at 28, what am I doing so wrong?

Still a virgin at 28, what am I doing wrong?

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I am still a virgin at 28, what am I doing so wrong?

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