I am still a virgin at 28, what am I doing so wrong?

[Anonymous]

I have been working out for some time. I recently finally got a 6-pack even though it wasn’t easy in the slightest. I am still a virgin at 28M though.

I usually go for women who look about what others say I am on a 1-10/10 scale (for me it’s a 6/10 so I go for other 5-6). Only reason I’d go higher is if we were already great friends, which has only ever been twice in my 28 years of living on earth.

I’ve gotten a lot of matches since getting in good shape. The problem is that the matches turn to ghosts when they learn I have no experience. I’ve met women in real life who’ve mostly done the same and lately the only girlfriend I’ve had was a religious woman who was also an antisemitic conspiracy type. I did recently meet a 22 yr old at the gym who liked my appearance, but she wants to cheat (she told me as much).

Other than that, I’ve sadly had awful luck. I have nearly been banned from bars for flirting with too many women until I stopped and I got in trouble for flirting with a single older woman (41) at work. I’ve asked people for advice and they literally said (verbatim) “not sure at this point, you have the worst luck with dating I’ve ever seen anyone have.”

Does working out even really help at all? What else am I doing wrong?

[slatyb]

"go for women?" How do you "go for" them? Your problem is not your appearance, it's your approach. How many women do you greet by name? Find an activity that draws young women, and participate. DO NOT hit on anyone for at least three months. Participate, contribute, and give people a chance to know you. Then you won't have to "go for women". It will be obvious who may be interested.

Have you tried online dating? It worked for me, but that was some years ago.

When you are talking with a woman, don't worry about getting a date, just listen. That works amazingly well.

[msc545]

Stop being so desperate. Stop flirting. Stop doing whatever it is you're doing. It's turning a lot of people off. And stop being so anxious about all of it if you can.

[bobalife]

well if you’re just looking for a easy hook up… Tinder is a resource lol. If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, be yourself and find someone you’ll like for who they are. Then, everything will come naturally. Don’t go for someone super religious if didn’t worked out previously.

[bobalife]

The no experience concern, I guess you’ll have to connect with someone who’s more open and okay with exploring it with you.

[Abbycado]

Do you have a laminated card that tells you what a 5-6 girl is?

[Abbycado]

@HollyK21

[Asker]

I can see why this rating upsets you. I just had to make it clear that I don’t only go for super hot women. I didn’t know how else to put it.

[Abbycado]

I don’t know what you’re even meaning by your reply. You may elaborate and explain, but who determines what a girl’s “rating” is?

Get my point or no?

[Asker]

It’s an attractiveness rating, I will not lie. And yes, I see why it looks awful.

But Let me explain. If I didn’t add that bit, everyone here would be saying “stop only going after hotties” when that isn’t the problem I’m having.

So I had to add the fact that I don’t only go after super attractive women. And I didn’t know how to add that bit without the rating scale.

[Abbycado]

Do you realize how many “super hot” women, by your eyes, have shit personalities?

I hope you see that.

[Asker]

I know they do. But I don’t go for super hot women.

[Abbycado]

Probably wise. They are shallow in a lot of ways.

[Asker]

Meh, I’m super close friends with one very attractive woman. But yes, I’ve known more than a few shallow and immature ones.

[Abbycado]

@meepmeeperton fuck off.

[FunkyMonkee]

WOMEN!! Can't live WITH `em, can't shoot `em!!
I was a virgin `til 3 weeks before my 25th b-day and she ended up just using me to make another guy jealous!!
My next girlfriend was the following summer and she had JUST gotten married to my ex-guitarist a few weeks earlier and then he broke up with her a couple weeks later!! And, by the time we started fucking, unbeknownst to me, she was on the verge of her 3rd nervous breakdown and didn't even know what she was doing! I mentioned to her a decade ago about how we fucked a few times in `83 and she was shocked and thought I made that up!! She actually didn't remember having fucked me but, there was a few things of that era that she didn't recall.
My next girlfriend was nice but, I just didn't feel for her as strongly as I should so, I broke up with her.
My next, 7 years later, ended up cheating on me after being together for 10 years!!

[Selene1600000]

Working out helps with attraction, but it doesn’t fix how you connect, communicate, or choose who you pursue. Right now the bigger issues seem to be how you approach women (coming on too strong in bars/work) and how early you reveal or frame your inexperience, which can create pressure or awkwardness. Focus on building normal, low pressure conversations, better social awareness, and letting attraction grow naturally instead of treating each interaction like a high-stakes outcome.

[Anonymous]

Stopped reading at the rating childishness.

Perhaps find some maturity.

[Anonymous]

I'm about two decades older than you and still a virgin, so what should I suppose to say?

[Anonymous]

Possibly nothing. It's not always you. a lot of the times it's the opportunity.

[Anonymous]

another reminder