As someone who has dated older men I will say it's not that uncommon to have an age gap such as yours, especially since neither of you is a minor. Your both consenting adults. I noticed you mentioned having gone through some toxic relationships in the past you had to heal from... something that I try to keep in mind is the brain is shaped by our environment from an early age. Our brains seek out what is familiar, just to give an example, a woman goes through multiple relationships, the partners may be controlling, abusive, dismissive, cheat, be dependent on her, maybe they all have different toxic traits. She tells herself now I know what to look out for and stays away from people who she's sees those red flags in. Nothing ever changes and she ends up traumatized repeatedly by partners who seemed perfect in the beginning but end up being just as toxic as the ones before. I'm not trying to assume your lived experience because obviously I don't know you. I have spent the past 6 years reading countless books, been in trauma therapy since I was 6 years old and was diagnosed with c-ptsd. I'm only suggesting to think back to your earliest memories if you can and attempt to identify anything toxic that occurred in your childhood. Maybe take the ACE test to help you recognize things you did/didn't experience as a child and then research how those experiences possibly shaped your perception of others and the world. The guy your thinking about being in a relationship, if he truly cares for you, he will respect whatever choice you make.
It is a decent big gap, but that isn't necessary bad. Older also doesn't necessarily mean he's any better of a man though. But as long as he's a good man, 10 years older isn't that bad.
@LazerBean but it's big and it's decent - a gap š
Not at all , a younger girl dating an older guy is pretty common and normal 10 years difference isnāt
That big of a difference whatsoever , Let alone I donāt really hold age as a deciding factor when it comes to meeting someone that I have a lot of chemistry and connection and attraction with, Age doesnāt really determine someoneās personality and the way they present themselves , I have dated older and younger femalesā through the years that I had great chemistry manās connection with , some of the younger girlsā I have dated were more
Mature than girlsā my age or older , So thatās why I donāt really hold age as a deciding factor , I consider myself wise enough not to chase after a girl thatās old enough to be my daughter , because I highly doubt her and I would have much in common. Unless itās just sex. But for a relationship , I donāt mind if a girl is 15 years younger than me if she is mature and respectful for her age. So you only being 10 years different from the guy you like , isnāt a big deal whatsoever, as long as you both are happy together and you both enjoy being around each other , then donāt even think of the age because it means shit.
Most people are sheep. 10 years is not that big a deal. There are plenty of people that date bigger gaps. My friend (that's a girl) got married to a guy 16 years older than her just last year. She was 28 or 29 I think in that year.
My cousin (a girl) also got married to a guy 15 years older than herself a while back.
My grandma and grandpa also had a 15 year difference.
It's really not a big deal. If you're an adult, and there's mutual attraction and consent by both sides, then it's fine. Let the sheep "baaaaa".
It's funny because there was a girl that was at my friend's wedding that came up to me and asked if she could get my social because she thought I was cute and I said sure. Then she asked my age and I told her I was 30 and she suddenly seemed like she was horrified. Then she was like "Oh my God... I'm 20." And I was like "Yeah no worries. I'm still extremely flattered that you thought I was cute."
The funny thing is this was at my friend who was getting married to the 16 year older guy's wedding. I don't regret not telling her that. She was a bit of a sheep in my opinion. Better to stay away from that kind 😂
Sometimes bruh it's also about a relationship where "the older party has more resources accumulated" as you've said by your late 20s relative dating marrying an older man of 35 - 40
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I don't think that daddy issues thing is true. It's certainly not always true. There is the "general rule" but... then there are the two individuals in your situation (you and him).
Also, the daddy issues stereotype really usually only applies when the woman is quite young. Nobody thinks that about a woman in her 30s or 40s. That's... just two people. This is a non-issue.
If you like this guy. And he seems genuine. You'd be crazy to let the age gap throw you off. Go for it.
@nastyb
The OP says:
" I wonder if that is true, because this guy seems to be genuinely the right fit for me. I've had some quite toxic relationships in the past, and have worked through my issues and this one really seems different and healthy compared to the other ones."
They seem as likely to be compatible, as any promising start with a 36 year old guy.
There is really no concern about age incompatibility between someone in their mid 30s and mid 40's. I have never heard of that. Are they at fundamentally different life stages? Do you genuinely think that age is an incompatibility factor between a 36 year old woman and a 46 year old man? We might just have to agree to disagree, on this one.
It's a significant age difference for sure. Points of reference and several important perspectives MIGHT be too different to accommodate for a long-term relationship. If you don't care about the ling term and are only interested in some sort of fling then it's probably not as critical, but make sure that you're both clear on what you want.
thats why vast majority of the population usually end up marrying someone around the same age, large differences are involved when you marry someone too much younger or older. Age related incompatibility will also eventually become a huge problem years down the road. Imagine being 45 years old and married to a senior citizen grandpa 60 yr old
Wellā¦ Iām sure it depends on the couple and the societal expectations as well. The women I know who marry MUCH older are expected to be obedient āslavesā to the whims of their husbands. They donāt argue about it from what I can seeā¦ the mutual ROI in those cases is very different from what most couples seem to want, which is companionship and love.
@DishLady
from my experience, people who tend to marry much older such as older than 10 years, tend to have a fetish for old people or have a history of traumatic relationships in the past with younger individuals. Its uncommon for a healthy minded young person to actually want someone significantly older
I've tended to date men my own age but have been treated like crap by them. Now I have a guy who is ten years older than me but treats me like a man is supposed to. I'm leaning towards ignoring the age gap if everything else lines up in the relationship.
It's a fair observation, but not always. I have friend where she married when she was 25 and he was 55. They had twins and seem to be in a perfectly healthy marriage.
@bddddd
quite honestly, I think most of these guys to claim they always know of someone who married someone 20-30 years older and are happy.
You're just making this shit up. Because from what I have seen, VERY FEW young women marry men 20-30 years older. It really doesn't happen frequently.
@bddddd
I've been on here for a while and there's just been way too many people talking about how they know of so many people who are marrying those 20-30s years younger. But I've been on earth for 30 years, am a very experienced dater, been around the block, I RARELY EVER see anyone marry with that huge of an age gap.
Over my life time, I have seen it happen less than a handful of times. Less than 5.
His first wife died in a car crash. Does it make you feel big and strong to claim that never happened?
@bddddd
I'm not saying huge age gap relationships never exist. I just don't see a correlation between how often people act like it exists (on the internet) compared to how frequently I see it in real life.
I'm not saying that you must be lying.
But I am 100% sure that a 100 of these old men claim they always know of "someone who has married 20 years older" aren't telling the truth.
It depends on the couple. My father was 30 years older than my mother and they had a long happy marriage until he died, with 2 kids: me and my older sister.
I'm kind of in a slightly reverse situation. I've been talking with a girl whose 18 right now on the phone but I'm 29. I feel a little gross doing this but at the same time, I like her, and she seems to like me so far and I think there might be a few sparks starting to warm up. I haven't had good luck with relationships in the past, but I've always operated under the idea of if everything is legal and consensual its purely between the people involved what they do.
Still, I am worried we'd get looks; she would be noticeably younger than me with we went out I'm 11 years older than her but she's cute and she's sweet and we have a fair bit in common too so far. I like talking to her and we've been flirting, and she even said she's open to going on a date once we've talked to each other a bit more. in my opinion it's between you and him and everyone else's opinion really doesn't matter that much and stigma's are MOSTLY stupid in my experience. Still just be ready to get looks. There will be people who don't share that view.
@nastyb Doesn't matter anyways her cousin contacted me on Monday and she told me she'd passed away. Before you say anything no I wasn't ghosted I wish I was and I wish I believed that.
@nastyb She'd been sick for days, but they got the diagnosis wrong, and it turns out they missed some kind of long-term illness that was slowly killing her and she died Sunday night.
@nastyb Her cousin contacted me and explained the situation. I cried all day yesterday and half of today too.
@nastyb go fuck yourself.
I answered a question almost just like this not even a week ago, and some rabid feminist called me all sorts of names and came with a grip of assumptions. Here is the thing though...
It doesn't matter what that bitch thinks about it, because it didn't change my mind about it at all. If the attraction is there and you're both feeling it, then who gives a fuck what other people think.
Also, I think you have to go a bit older than just 10 years of an age gap to feed Daddy issues. That would be a really young Dad. Anyways, my main point is don't worry about what these judgmental people think. You do what you're feeling into.
I don't think you should worry about it. If you are 35 than 45 is only 30% older. In another 20 years it will only be 20% older.
5 years older is certainly in the normal bounds of relationship age gap. So it is only a bit more. It is not that easy to find the right fit, so I would say take the fit.
The biggest issue in the future is whose health holds up best. With only 10 years it could be him caring for you rather than you caring for him. So I don't see this aspect as being major.
Go fit.
It's more about each person's personality being a good match. If it's a bad match then the age difference will matter. The other thing is as you get older the age gap may matter more if they have a lot of health issues long before you do, but people usually don't think about that in advance.
It all depends on how old you both are and what stage of life you're in. Ten years' difference is a really major issue if one party is 21 and the other is 31. Your maturity, your life experience and your whole frame of reference is different from those of your partner. But if you're both middle aged, say 45 and 55, then it's not such a big deal! You're now sort of in the same cohort. If you're a good fit, then go for it! Good luck!
You literally are 36+ according to your anon profile. You're not early twenties and in your prime. Take a chainsaw to your expectations.
Because no photo, we'll be assuming you're an average-looking gal. You should take whatever guy you feel safe & comfortable with.
The clock is running out. Relationships for older women are like musical chairs, you will be stuck with nothing to sit on.
So, you're roughly 40 years old, which means the guy you're thinking about dating is roughly 50 years old. I can't really imagine anyone getting upset over a forty year old and a fifty year old dating.
Why do you care what other people say or think about it? If you and this guy are happy to be dating, isn't that all that matters?
If two adults wannabe with each other no matter the age gap, it doesn't really matter.. 10 years is a big age gaps, but not really huge.. Especially enough to talk about daddy issues.. LOL.. It's not a big deal.. If you two like each other go for it..
Depends on the ages involved, obviously. 10 years is nothing between 40 and 50. 10 years isn't much between 30 and 40. 10 years is a little iffy between 20 and 30. 10 years is literally criminal between 10 and 20.
I'd say it is proportional. When I was 35 I had a girlfriend (who is now just a friend) who was around 20. That is a 15 year difference. But it didn't really seem like a big deal at the time.
u 10 years is my max both older and younger. Anything else makes me feel like im dating a parent/child. It's a sizeable gap, but not one that can't be dealt with. I think you are fine if you proceed with it.
It depends on the overall maturity of people, less about their age.
Ten years shouldn't be an issue in many circumstances
I'm making over $10k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life.
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My kid is married to a guy about ten years older and they are very happy. Don't pay any attention to "some people". There are some people saying any stupid thing imaginable.
It is a decent size but not that big of a deal. The older both of you get the less it matters.
For example a 29 year old and a 19 year old vs. a 62 year old and a 52 year old.
I think it isn't at your age. It might have been when you were 18, but not at this point. I got married at 22 and my husband is 1
15 years older than I am. We've been married 11 years not and it has worked out fine.
Two thumbs up.
I mean my ideal woman is only 24/25 and im 31 🫣👀👅😛💓 that's a 6 year age gap to 7 year age gap.
I'm doing better than a 10 year age gap 😁 😞
Lady ; asker - yes I'd say it's a big difference if one partner finds it harder than the other š¤¤just to keep up with
Cut off the clutter of advised and thoughts you receive from others do what feels right for you.
You are at the age who can decision for herself
Believe in your own decision and own it.
At 36-45? No, 10 years is not a big age gap. You're both full fledged adults at this age. You don't have "daddy issues".
Only if she says *oh daddy" chuckle š¤š¤£
I think it's probably the most natural dynamic. You can look up to and respect him and allow him to lead. It allows you to be in your naturally submissive role and allows him to take on his natural responsibilities.
10 years is doable. but anything over 10 years would lead to problems down the road. Imagine being a 45 yr old being married to a senior citizen grandpa in his 60s. Does it sound sexy? because it isn't.
My husband is almost 10 years older than me, and chose him was the best decision i made.
@itsannalee ride 'em, cowgirl lol funny pun me I'm such a punk
Aslong both of them are above 20 than age does not matter. Aslong they are adults! Than i see no issue what the age gap is.
I agree with users @RingOfFire @robocop666 here! Also at 48 i dated 36 age, we lasted as long as others,
but now my gal is less gap.
Nah, my husband is way over 10 years older, and it has made no difference whatsoever.
It depends on your age. I wouldn't say a 10-year age difference is appropriate for a 15-year-old, but in your age range dating someone 10 years older is no big deal.
I think it's not a problem. If u think the guy is fit for you don't think about other nonsense.
I think 10 is fine. You will have to give it a go to truly find out though.
Depends how old you and the other person is. Iām 44 and dating a 34 year old Iām open too. Would I date a 54 year old? Likely not. Suppose Iām 30, would I date a 20 year old? No
The age is very close to your first example.
Which part? Her being older or younger?
I'm younger. I don't think I would ever date a guy that much younger than me.
We are all human. Wants is different for us all
Nah.
Saying its "daddy issues" for you to date somone ten years older than you, implies that 10 year olds are typically parents.
If you want kids then her age matters. If you don't then you could be an 80 year old guy dating a 40 year old woman and that's fine.
It depends on how old you are.
20 years old, 10 years younger not good, 40 and 10 years younger no biggie.
No it's not. It's not uncommon AND the life expectancy of men is so much lower than women you'd be able to cash on his prosperity.
No. When my sister was in her 30, she dated a 55 years old man and slept with him. He has money though.
Not at all..
In my instance they always need to be at the very least that much younger than me.
I like old men so much, tbh I even have a crush on one guy like that.. he's got wrinkles around eyes that turns me on so much.. but this isn't because of daddy issues.. I only get turned on by strangers/ incest doesn't turn me on
Thatās not that big. I think you should go for it.
It doesn't matter as long as everyone is happy. My wife is 8 years younger and we are doing fantastic.
The girl I am seeing is 30 years younger than me. She does not have daddy issues, she does have three kids and has been divorced for five years.
For a younger woman older man no. Vice versa yes.
Cougars growl ššŗ šāā¬šāā¬
Ten years is about the biggest age difference I would deal with.
Yes! Knowing that I was in school when he was out of college sounds disturbing
But now she is 35?
Agreed! But I'm not 18. Much older and I think the age gap can be slightly bigger at my age.
People are just haters who like to hate. Same reason for those who hate those who are in the lgbt community.
Of course. Think about all that has happened to you in the past ten years,
It depends on the scale
When I was 16, I couldn't reasonably date a26 year old
Now I'm 27 and to date a 37 year old doesn't seem problematic
Not really if the chemistry is right and if you connect emotionaly with him.
My wife is 11 years younger than me and we have been together for 20 years. So it's fine. Good luck.
I wouldn't call that huge at your age. I wouldn't call that particularly large at your age. If you were 15, then that would be a huge age gap.
When you're a young, yes. Ehen you're old, no
Depends on if they're 60 and 70 or 16 and 26.
Iād say itās only inappropriate/odd when youāre a teenager or in your early twenties. Otherwise, go for it 🫶🏼
Depends if the guy is older and the woman is younger than it's no big deal not a problem BUT if the woman is older than the guy then it's a problem
I agree!
Girl go ahead and be happer if you want him then go get him
You love who you love. As long as itās consensual on both sides do whatever God has planned for you
Not only I wouldn't be against it. Iāve dated within my own gender.
Donāt worry about what other people think. If he makes you happy, he makes you happy
No one says that for a woman in your age group. You sound like a teenager 😆
No, my parents were 10 years apart.
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