Is it a red flag if we've been together for 10 years and still not married?

Question

We’ve built a life together, but there’s still no ring, no solid plans. Every time I bring it up, the topic gets brushed off. At what point does “we’re just taking our time” turn into “they’re never going to commit”? How long would you wait?

Purpleronnie · Accepted Answer

I don’t think that “no marriage” necessarily equals no commitment nor do I think it’s in anyway negative or positive to remain in-married as a couple. I see it as the choice of the couple on whether take that step for what it means for them.

I detest all this “ flag” nonsense , things are rarely as black & white and that’s very much an in incomplete message to send out there for what’s acceptable or not in a relationship

Marriage has never meant more than a piece of paper to me because I simply don’t agree with the institution regardless of the cultural or legal significance for simplification or otherwise. That being said though I have never and would never rule it out because of the wishes of my would be wife.

My lady and I have been together 13 years and are rock solid in every couple metric conceivable. When we realized we were serious about a long term relationship we had a chat about marriage and since neither of us were completely for it or against it we chose just to put it to one side and get on with our lives.

Sod any perceived societal rules , family traditions or flag bullshit , you do as a couple what you decide as a couple and screw anyone who thinks differently.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

You aren’t married because you didn’t propose to her , talking to her about it is probably killing the moment , she probably wants you to surprise her, why she brushes you off, most Girls’ want to be proposed to when they least expect it , so by you talking g about it is killing the moment. She has been with you for 10 years , Overall has your relationship with her been great? Does she still make out with you and have sex with you , does she include you in everything she does? Is she loving and caring to you? Does she treat you like
You are her best friend? If that’s the case man then you are best to go buy her a ring and surprise her and stop talking about it with her.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

It's interesting that you as a guy seem to want a more traditional arrangement such as marriage.

What has been the reason that your partner has avoided marriage? If you know this reason or reasons, then maybe you can approach your partner about having a simple ceremony with just you and a few friends if the cost of a wedding is too dear.

Maybe your partner witnessed an awful marriage through her parents and thinks that being married means being unhappy. But, of course, these few examples are foolish.

No couple has to repeat the mistakes of their parents, friends or other failed marriages.

If you've been together 10 years, your relationship appears to be doing well. Most marriages fail in the first five years. A marriage certificate or ceremony wouldn't have made any difference, except there might've been a nice party, some fancy togs and a cake to cut.

I bet it's some irrational fear on the part of your loved one. See if you can wheedle it out and tell her you'd LIKE to be married. IF it doesn't matter to her, then why not? Good luck.

Sirenboobzilla · Accepted Answer

As @Nikki1989 said " Some couples simply don't see the need for marriage. They feel their commitment is just as strong without a legal document or a wedding ceremony ." This is where I'm at. My parents have been happily married for 30 years. They've never taught my brother and I that marriage is a MUST to show commitment to eachother; that it comes from every day actions and love. And of course for legal reasons. I've said as much to my boyfriend who's been with my for 5 years. He's always respected my feelings on it. I have found my feelings on the subject changing as of late where I've been seeing myself in the elegant white dress and a picturesque wedding.  Long story short, that's something you need to talk about as it's not a clear cut answer for everyone

HawkPerception · Answer

Marriage is not a necessity for love. However, it is a nice title to have and the ceremony can be meaningful.

If you want to be married, you should talk to your partner about it. That's the secret of every relationship... communication. You should inquire about it to understand them. What is holding them back? Money? Hesitation about the relationship? Family? Their views of marriage?

These are questions you should be asking.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Commitment is a series of decisions. You don’t need to invite the government into your relationship to have it.
If you’re happy, enjoy it. If not, move on.
Giving someone a financial incentive to ruin your life isn’t going to change anything for the better.

DishLady · Answer

Do you WANT to be married? If so, then yeah, it is. But if you’ve both agreed to just BE together and don’t care about marriage that’s your choice.

lightbulb27 · Answer

probably afraid of what goes wrong after. The fear and the thinking is the problem.

I've seen peope in their 70's not married... and it frustrates the one. The real question I think is how do you love the other? At your age, you have to think about reality... injury, death... how do you take care of and make the life of the other easier if something happens to you?

rather than make a big deal of it, if there's damage in the past, I'd just get some rings, say your I'm here for you and sign the paper and move on... take a vacation or something. Focus more on how you will roll with life... together.

hahahmm · Answer

Yes but... in my experience, until you know who you are and for sure what you want, you shouldn't be surprised if she's not interested in marriage. And if you really know what you want and who you are, as a guy you don't run towards marriage. You're more like a train rolling down the tracks and she better jump on if she wants to stay with you. She'd be pushing for you to marry her.

There's probably a lot of red flags in your relationship... which you two never dealt with, I would guess. And in the back of her mind she is hoping the right guy shows up one day, which might not be you.

Don't listen to people who tell you marriage is just a piece of paper either.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Some couples simply don't see the need for marriage. They feel their commitment is just as strong without a legal document or a wedding ceremony. Each to their own. That was never going to work for my husband and me, but hey, different strokes for different folks.

overlord337645 · Answer

im sorry but im gonna tell you right now she wants you around but she dosent want you around all the time but to clarify ill explain. the person you are seeing either is cheating or does not really want to spend there life with you and is keeping there options open in short get rid of them and after you hit the 5 year mark thats pushing it 2 years is the min and id say 4 is the max

alice55 · Answer

Just propose to her if you want to get married you're the man there's nearly no chance she'll propose to you she's surely waiting for you to do it

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

"We’ve built a life together" "We've been together for  10 years " This is  already  commitment,  already  solid, right?

msc545 · Answer

I don't understand why marriage is so important to you. As a man you are far safer, financially and emotionally. If you don't get married. Getting married is the path to losing the relationship. Don't push it with her and don't do it. Enjoy what you have since it's more than most of us have.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

Nowadays that’s a GREEN FLAG & a wonderful flag it is. As for me I know a lot of people that have been together that long & even longer without marriage & they’re happy. If it’s not broken don’t fix it.

Godihateyou · Answer

Yes. I knew 3 weeks in she was the one for me. We got married 4 months later, and again a year after that (long story) we've been miserable for the next 20 years and going strong. What kind of idiot made up marriage for 20 year olds that think forever is just next week. Forever is an awful long time.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd say it depends whether it works or not without marriage. I had a friend who was with a woman for 9 years. In the 10th year they decided to finally get married. Before the year was out they were divorced.

Now it's my personal belief they had issues and they thought getting married would cure them. They were never a good match as far as I'm concerned.

I think you need to ask yourself how important is getting married to you.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Ten years  is  a commitment. I see it rather as a green flag.  Unlike ''married'' couples, she (or you) could have freely walked away any time... and you two did not.

Alex-Snow · Answer

You need to have a chat with her and talk about where you both want the relationship to go and what your future is together. If u want to get married and she will not maybe it is time to move on. Life is short and you should be happy

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Usually the marriage concerns come from the woman, not the man. If she's happy where things are and you are too; not getting married doesn't need to be an issue. How do you feel about the situation?

Jove79 · Answer

Nope, because getting married would be a stupid idea.

Nowadays People marry each other not because they’re in love, but in hopes to “keep” them faithful and trapped. It’s stupid don’t do it.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

If you are wanting to marry and your significant other is brushing the subject off … you are losing time. Either accept things as they presently are or end things and find someone who wants what you want before you get any older.

itsannalee · Answer

If you want to get married, leave them. Don’t waste your time to someone who doesn't value your existence.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Pretty sure if you both been loyal for a decade  At this point you ARE committed Marriage would just be a tax benefit

Reem12345reem · Answer

she's probably cheating OR she has major issues with marrying , maybe her parents had issues? I don't know

MrChinaski · Answer

If it matters to you then buy a decent ring and bend a decent knee. If it doesn't matter to you, your relationship sounds just fine.

molonski2 · Answer

No big deal at all , just carry on as is.. Its not a game of fininality.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Yeah, small red flag. 36-45. 10 years. Someone's mind is made up.

Sour-rose · Answer

I feel as if 10 years is too late. 10 years means it ain't happening, and that's that.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Why haven't you asked her to marry you yet? Dumbass.

Nonamez · Answer

Can you live without marriage whith your partner rest of your life? What would happen if partner would say no to marriage?

Twalli · Answer

If you live as a married couple without getting married, is it really a problem. Marriage is a piece of paper, living together as if you are married is far more important.

exitseven · Answer

There are some people that just do not want to get married. There are plenty of reasons why.

Shiprex · Answer

Not at all but if splits are in the future, it could be difficult to sort out

dragoblack · Answer

No. It just means you don't need or want the government involved

Anonymous · Answer

Clearly they don’t want to get married. If you want marriage you should leave and find someone else.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Why would you being up marriage to a women. That's a red flag right there

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

D***N SKIPPY, but do YOU want to get married?

robocop666 · Answer

Marriage is a terrible idea. Most get divorced and are unhappy. Don't do it.

Anonymous · Answer

No, I believe it's not a red flag.

fallenkittyxx · Answer

If that what you wany

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Yes definitely bad sign... obviously

Is it a red flag if we've been together for 10 years and still not married?

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Is it a red flag if we've been together for 10 years and still not married?

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