Can I get some advice for a first date?

[Cormac995]

Pretty much as I said above. I seem to have a plankton meme moment with the whole. "I don't know... I didn't think I would get this far." thing.

Basically, I landed a date when I wasn't expecting to have any success, and I'd like some advice to help make sure things go smoothly. I know a lot of the basics so I'm looking for some more abstract advice rather than things like "Pull out her chair and listen." Basically, I want to do my best possible so I'm looking for tips.

We've been talking for several days now and really, really seem to have hit it off and based on how she acts around me she feels the same. We're supposed to go on a date this weekend, so any advice is very welcome. I really want to stand out and make sure I leave a good and memorable impression on her.

[Zack-Bann]

Ok here’s the prep list:
You clean your house, throughly.
You shower, style your hair, trim your facial hair.
Get some good quality cologne


Buy a box of condoms and make sure you have one in your pocket
(This is not so you can have sex right away but to put yourself in the headspace of it potentially happening. The logic is “when you carry a gun you’re more likely to find yourself in a gun fight, even if you’re aim is to avoid one”)


All this prep will make you a lot less in your head about background things and you can focus on her


Now the date:
Pick a place that’s cosy and stylish
don’t take her to starbucks
Ideally you wanna get a drink not food
Because people get tired when they eat and garlic breath is the opposite of romantic


If you get her to a bar find a booth-like seating that puts you either next to her or adjacent from her
That helps kill the interview style dare of sitting in front of each other


As for the conversation the main thing is to keep it fun and flirty.
Speak slowly and with a clear voice not in a high pitched nervous tone


Ask her questions about fun topics not just work.
Vacations, concerts, tattoos, crazy experiences
That stuff makes the whole thing a bit spicier


Be sure to flirt. Give her compliments. Make jokes
But don’t overdo it. And don’t worry if she says “oh stop you’re just saying that”
That means it’s working


As the date goes on do consider breaking the touch barrier. A shoulder tap. Comparing hand sizes. Cheek caressing when appropriate
Eventually she’ll be leaning in waiting for a kiss
So you do the same:
Lean in and hold the tension, the longer you do the hotter it will be


After the kiss you’re golden
Both of you can decide how fast or slow to take it

[Cormac995]

Some of these barriers have actually already been established as crossable. She's already made it clear she wants to cuddle in the park after we have coffee and a small lunch. There's a coffee shop in my home town. We've been talking for several days now and things are happening a lot faster than I expected or am really used too but when I talked to her about it she said she felt the same way on her end. Things are going really well pretty fast so if this is you're adivce I think following it will work and I'd considered some of this myself.

The coffee shop I'm taking her too is one that's been in town since before I moved here at the age of 4 and they're a pretty nice place. They grind in house and have a small kitchen and they have a chess table you can eat and play at. She used to play chess some so I floated the idea and she agreed. I'm no good at it but I know the basics and if I do to well I can just throw the game lol.

So far she's even fine with the concept of cheek and forehead kisses so. So flirting Check, Touch barrier, Check. House is clean. Check. as for the cologne I was planning to try and buy some today and on the condoms are the one thing I won't probably bother with. We've both agreed we want to wait for sex until we're both sure and love is established, and we both agreed the best way to do this is slowly and smelling the roses along the way. We're both a bit reserved about giving access to our bodies which to me is a big green flag.

[Chazmatazz269]

Don’t try so hard. You run the risk of presenting yourself as very different than your true nature.
If you’ve already been chatting, just pick up where you left off. All the “date” means is you can now steer the conversation into more intimate topics. The first date is only meant to give you both enough information to decide if you’re interested in more dates. So not too intimidate, but more than you might ask of or share with a close coworker or neighbor.
When you suggested “pull out her chair”, i assumed you’re doing some kind of dinner date. One thing i used to do was backwards from convention. I always put the activity ahead of dinner. That way, if nerves get the best of you, you can at least break the ice at dinner by talking about the activity you just shared. It reads as though you already have chemistry. So i wouldn’t expect you to clam up unless you get too inside your own head about the date.
The cliche applies: relax and just be yourself.

[Cormac995]

we talk a ton over the phone and via text and pretty much every question we've asked each other has been the answer we wanted to hear. It almost feels like I hit the lottery. She's cute she's sweet, she has a pretty voice and I don't think she's even capable of being mean. She loves are and writing and being outdoors the list of things we have in common or like about each other just keeps growing the more we talk. Talking face to face though is much more stressful lol

[LauraJ00]

I think maybe you landed this date because you were more laid back and chill. Perhaps you should continue to be that way for things to continue to go smoothly. Don’t overthink it.

[Cormac995]

I'm not trying to I'm just looking for tips because I want her to feel special.

[Cormac995]

I'm looking for small things that woman look for that they find attractive in a guys behavior.

[Abbycado]

How much do you know about her?

[Cormac995]

A fair bit by now. We have a ton of the same hobbies and interests and she's very family oriented which to me is a big green flag. She's really into art writes poetry and she skateboards, plays video games some and has the same views on what a relationship and love is supposed to mean. She said her favorite flowers are white and pink roses so I'm planning to get her a bouquet of them. She also likes being out in nature and we like some of the same TV shows and stuff too. So far she's basically everything I've been looking for. That's part of why I want to do a really good job on the first date I like her a lot.

[Abbycado]

I’d have some talking points in mind that you know you have common interests in. Those usually lead to good conversation that carry into other areas.

You’ll learn as you go more and more. It’s getting started and having a few things that you know she likes to get talking.

[Cormac995]

She seems to be really, really into art and luckily so am I so that's a topic we can probably talk a lot about.

[Abbycado]

Definitely. That and a good segue for a second date. Going to local art exhibit sets you up for date two if all goes well.

[Cormac995]

Still do you have any other tips? Small things I can do or things that girls see as a green flag in a guys behavior? I don't know how woman think obviously I just want to make sure she feels special when we go out. She even told me she's excited to see me and I can't wait to see her either. I know things like pull out the chair, listen, you know the chivalry stuff and I also know how to just talk and chat with people I'm just trying to make sure she has a great time.

[Cormac995]

Oh we even joked about how many date opportunities we have. We already are talking about the next time we're going to see each other after this actually lol. We might go on a hike with a picnic or make some pottery together. We've also talked about her helping me learn to cook since she loves cooking and baking and apparently she's bringing me blueberry muffins. She's a complete gem.

[Cormac995]

Like sweet to the point of obesity I don't think she's actually capable of being mean.

[Cormac995]

I mean even her natural speaking voice is ASMR. We were talking till 10:30 last night and her voice was so soft It made me sleepy.

[Abbycado]

Doesn’t sound like you need any tips if things are going this well already. I think just be yourself and everything goes smooth I’m sure.

[Cormac995]

I know I just want to make her feel special and happy. She makes me feel great about myself and my day a lot better whenever we talk. I just want to make her feel the same way. I'm just looking for tips and tricks basically I know things are going well lol.

[Abbycado]

Here is a tip. If she feels special, it’s because of YOU. No tricks, just good company. Be kind, laugh, have manners and everything else will fall in line.

That’s the way it happened when I met my boyfriend. It was an off campus party. Hardly romantic or an opportunity to be a “gentleman”.

He was just nice and funny. Made me laugh and flirted. That scored him a date. We picked up where we left off easily.

[Abbycado]

You’re thinking too much into how to impress. Be yourself and have fun!

[Abbycado]

Ty for mho!

[Cormac995]

It was fairly helpful. We had to reschedule for tomorrow last minute because she forgot today was one of her uncle's birthday. She actually asked them for permission to bring me but they said no and understandably so and frankly we both agreed it's probably best we re scheduled because between her family interrogating me and wanting time with her too we'd barely be able to spend any time together. Also before you get worried that she's looking for an excuse to ghost me it makes sense she forgot because her family is massive so keeping track of every birthday is not easy. We're talking 2 sisters, three cousins multiple aunt's and uncles and she lives with her grandma full time taking care of her. So yea there's a lot of room to forget things lol

[Cormac995]

and these are just the ones I know about.

[Abbycado]

You’ll be fine. I can tell from what you’ve told me. Be yourself and have a good time!

[Levin]

Just my opinion, probably not wise to take my dating advice. But just chill the fuck out and focus more on creating a vibe. If you like each other then trying to impress her is not necessary. Just try and do something you might both enjoy, and if you know anything about it try and tailor it to that.

[Cormac995]

I'm not trying to over perform or anything and I'm not even really trying to "Impress her" I just want to stand out and make it memorable because I want her to feel special.

[Anonymous]

Are u alright? How can u judge someone is sweet through a dating app

[Cormac995]

because we moved off the app and have been talking for some time now. I met her there but we've been talking constantly for almost a week now.

[Cormac995]

Turns out both of us are pretty open and honest and don't really hide anything about ourselves we see as a red flag. We were just instantly comfortable around each other it's hard to explain.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s no way to judge someone. people of quality find dates in real life

[Cormac995]

That's easy for you to say but I live in a small town with nearly no places you can approach someone in public without looking weird except bars. It's weird to try and make friendships or meet a girlfriend at a coffee shop and pretty much everywhere else in my town and we don't have any public clubs or things like that either to meet people. All my friends are hundreds of miles away so I can't make friends or meet someone through them so basically I had no choice. Trust me if iId seen another way to meet someone I would have.

[Cormac995]

I'm well aware dating apps suck 90% of the time.

[Opinion Owner]

U are mad get help

[Cormac995]

No, you're just a judgy asshole.

[Cormac995]

so go fuck yourself

[WonderingManII]

Where did you meet her?

[Cormac995]

A dating app of all places. I basically got back on them in desperation because I can't figure out places to meet people face to face in my town. We're small enough that pretty much the one and only place you can approach people in public is the bar and that's a bad spot to meet people who make for good friends and dating material. A lot of people who go to bars are problem people not all obviously but a lot.

[WonderingManII]

That is the same reason why I used to be on dating sites, but I never even found a woman who lived in my area on them.

[Cormac995]

I got luck. She only lives 45 mins away and she comes to my hometown often so we'll have a lot of chances to see each other.

[WonderingManII]

That's good!

[Cormac995]

I know right?

[Jeff51]

Just don't mess it up

[Cormac995]

I know right?