Just looking for some relationship advice?

[Anonymous]

I know that this is something that i should probably figure out on my own but i need a little guidance and i don't have many people in my life to ask for advice without a bias. i guess i need some nuetral outsider opinions.

I got into a relationship just under a year ago and i can say with full confidence that this is the first guy who has ever loved me back and the first healthy relationship i've been in. As someone who spent past relationships riddled with fear and anxiety, this year has been a healing breath of fresh air. We communicate well with eachother and there are barely any issues with our relationship. The only thing about our relationship is we still haven't been physically intimate with eachother. I have tried initiating on multiple occasions but he rejected. He has gave me multiple reasons.

1- I'm too cute ( but he said this is good as ill always be cute to him and sexy isn't forever)

2- He is east Asian and i am white British. he said i am the first girl from outside his country he has dated and feels a bit nervous about it.

3- in his past relationships he has been dunk the first time it has happened to break nerves and we rarely ever drink together yet alone get drunk. (but i wouldn't want to do it drunk anyway)

This was of course an issue to me but as time has passed it has become an issue in a different way... I think i have lost romantic feelings for him.

we are currently living together and i am wanting to move on with my life by moving to another country and starting my career and i guess because of everything im no longer wanting to progress life with him.

But maybe if we became intimate that could change? im riddled with guilt and doubt and fear that i could ruin the first good relationship i ever had because of this.

So i guess hearing others opinions could help with some of those thoughts in my head?

thank you

[PrettyBarbieDoll]

I cannot control how your mind processes information. Your thoughts and actions and control how you behave in life. So i would say why not just wait for him, maybe he just needs time. I think every man is different. Maybe he is religious and does not want to do those things before marriage. I mean you never know. Maybe you can just talk about it with him without judging him. Talking solves a lot of unecessary speculations.

[Asker]

he's not religious. i have spoken to him and the 3 points above were his reasoning. i have waited a year and i am ok with waiting longer but the wait has caused me to lose romantic feelings and delay my personal future goals. there were no speculations i think you misread my post

[PrettyBarbieDoll]

I think it's best to talk internal with yourself what you really want. Do you think this situation makes you happy or not. You are loosing romantic feelings. Feelings can come back, if he gives romantic feelings towards you. Trust your body. In the end it's you and your mind.

[Anonymous]

I think you are way too in your f***ing head about this. Women worry far too much about the perfect this and the perfect that. He rejected your advances. That just reality. That doesn't make you broken or lesser. It also doesn't make him the one that got away in anyway just because you feel a certain way about it. You're still pretty young and capable of finding something even better in the future.

All you can do in life is be genuine and hope that you'll eventually meet someone who's genuine with you. Don't worry about "ruining it with him". As long as you can honestly say you feel you made an effort, then feel free to move on without any regrets. 50% of the burden was on him to have made it work.

[dudeinohio]

Proceed with your career plans. Your future security could depend on it.