Do you think my friends are right about being hypocritical for not wanting to date autistic men and have high standards?

[Anonymous]

My friends says I’m very hypocritical because I refuse to date autistic men. They told me it’s better if we don’t date neurotypical men and reject them because they won’t understand us and they will hurt us so I’m missing out on great guys. My best friend says don’t even bother dating neurotypical men because she’s seen me date them and getting dumped, cheated on and ghosted by them and I’ve had fights with them. She said, “Girl I told you those guys wouldn’t workout. You deserve to be with someone that notices you for YOU. Someone that actually understands you and those men aren’t it. Stop chasing after neurotypical men and leave them for the neurotypical women. Just date autistic men. They get us.
My first boyfriend was neurodivergent and had ADHD but he was a jerk and cheated on me with another girl.
I had no support during my first break up because people warned me about him. I just don’t want to date an autistic men. I want to get married and have children and I don’t want to have autistic children because I don’t want them dealing what we had to deal with.
My friends say have fun being single because I refuse to date autistic men and my standards are too high. Am I wrong for having standards? I want a man that’s independent, has a job, won’t depend on me, also not for me to “babysit” or take care of him and get himself places. They tell me I should give our classmate (he's also autistic but not attractive) a chance since he still likes me after 20 years! I’ve known him since we the late 90s and always sat next tocme and followed me around as kids. He’s not as independent as I am. I need a REAL man.

[Summeroflove]

Having standards and being a hypocrite are two different things as long as you’re understanding that men also have standards as well as the fact there are men that you won’t meet their standards.

Number one rejecting someone is better then wasting someone’s time and life. Not only for yourself but for someone else as well if you’re not attracted to someone then allow someone to find someone whose genuinely wanting them it’s not fair to waste their time, cheat on them, and either be extremely unhappy until you eventually just leave. Rejection hurts but doing that to someone can crush someone’s soul. Not wanting to DATE someone doesn’t equal judging someone as a human being.

If you’re autistic the chances of having autistic children are still there and many nureotypical men also have standards such as not wanting to date someone whose autistic. Remember though all autistics are different some you would never know unless they told you keep your mind open to the fact that someday you may fall for someone whose autistic. But at the same time unless or until that day comes don’t waste your time or the time of anyone else.

[Asker]

So I don’t have a choice but to date autistic men?

[Summeroflove]

Asker I’m not saying that. I’m saying that men can have standards as well….. But just like all women are different so are all men. As long as you can take rejection as well as dishing it. Then no…. Not a hypocrite

[Summeroflove]

Hypocrites have double standards. Which to a extent many people have in dating because some people want someone to more complete them.

As for some things such as being introverted and extroverted. In that case opposites may attract because both people bring out another side of the other. Same with nerotypical verses nerodiverse in some cases.

Major things like politics and religions. Standards. Can be dealbreakers. But then again some introverted people what someone introverted and extroverted extroverted.

[Zack-Bann]

The implication of this question is that you’re autistic yourself
(It’s apparent from the long paragraph too)


You should know better than most that it’s a spectrum.
Should you date only guys who are as far out on it as you?
If they’re even more autistic are they no longer an option?


It makes no sense. The logic is flawed.


You do deserve someone who sees and understands you but that person doesn’t HAVE to be autistic


Plenty of neurodivergent men have empathy and the ability to relate to others and to love them for them


You need to chose well
Don’t get held back by arbitrary and irrelevant conditions

[Asker]

My friends said I have to think about them an and they have standards too and most of them aren’t going to want to have a family with an autistic woman and don’t want autistic kids. They said I may get my heart broken and they may end up leaving me so it’s best to date or marry someone that’s also autistic or neurodivergent. That’s the best option for us.

[Zack-Bann]

I might say something that’s a little cold hearted but I hope you don’t take it the wrong way.

What about your future children?
If their father is autistic as well they are almost guaranteed to be too.
Wouldn’t you want them to have a chance at being the least autistic possible?
In a way neurodivergent man is beneficial for you

But I understand what your friends are saying.
And it’s sad that many times they are right
But not all the time

You shouldn’t prejudge people based on generalized assumptions

A man could fall for you and break every logical rule there is including risking autism for his children

[Asker]

So what you’re saying is dating an autistic or neurodivergent man is the best option for me? Why do people feel like they should tell us autistic or neurodivergent who to date but nobody tells a neurotypical person who to date? They save more options of dating than us abnormal people do?

[Zack-Bann]

Sorry I made a big typo in that last one
What I wanted to say was “maybe dating a neurotypical* person is more beneficial for your future children”

And you should know that people have options on who other people date no matter what

Parents might get hung up on what religion or origins their kids date for example

Neurotypical to neurodivergence is just another example

My ultimate point is: you shouldn’t listen to other people
There is no winning formula here

Instead just treat the people you see as individuals and allow them to do the same for you

[RavVid]

I wouldn't think autistic people are great at understanding others as non understanding others is a characteristic. Highly functional people can be autistic. so I think in general it is best to take people as they are.

[Asker]

What’s hat supposed to mean?

[RavVid]

A characteristic of autistic is they don't understand what other think/feel. So if the objective is a man with empathy an autistic guy - in general - might not be a good choice and you would be better with neurotypical.

However Elon Musk is autistic so you could do well with an autistic guy.

I just think you are better to evaluate people on a per person basis rather than a general type basis.

[MannMitAntworten]

Your friend is not entirely wrong. However, I have a sense that there are a lot more autistic in the world existing undiagnosed so even if they tell you they have no autism, you still do not really know for certain.

[Asker]

What do you mean they’re not entirely wrong?

[MannMitAntworten]

Regarding the being relatable/understanding one another better.

[Anonymous]

Nope. I wouldn't date a autistic person (for obvious reasons). I don't begrudgingly a woman for not wanting to date an autistic guy. In fact I think a woman that does is knowingly choosing an uphill battle.

[Anonymous]

You need to find someone compatible with you. Maybe you are a little different mentally too.

[Asker]

What’s that supposed to mean?

[jahaims]

You don't understand what autism is.

[BarryLiverstone]

Monopoly