You ever been in a relationship with someone that kept a Score Card on you? Did you break up with them or resolve the issue?

[Finchie40]

My ex tried keeping a score card on me , No matter what I did, it was never good enough for her , She would walk around the house pointing out things that I overlooked , like I was supposed to be a Home Inspector 24-7 , She completely overlooked everything else I did , and she acted like that wasn’t enough , that I had to be every trade wrapped into one, She would also compare me to her friends’ partners’ and acted like they were so much better than I was. But Instead of fighting her , I asked her what is the real problem here? I don’t come home from work pointing out things you didn’t complete on your days off , so why don’t you do that to me? She said she isn’t happy , I said I’m sorry you feel that way , but how can I make you happy? Tell me what I can do to make you happy? Because this score keeping shit has got to stop , if it doesn’t , then you and I aren’t going to be together anymore.

[DishLady]

My one long term guy didn’t keep a score card but a sort of checklist. He was socially awkward and I felt one of his ex gfs must have told him girls like you to check in with them on the status of the relationship… so every time we met up, had an amazing time and f-ed each other’s brains out… he’d hug me and whip out the fucking mental check list.


I asked him why he did that and he shrugged. “That’s what girls want.” I laughed and said “Sure but not while we’re on cloud 9 with the endorphins still ricocheting around.” I told him that next time he came over to pick me up we’d do the checklist at the door and then go spend the day together with that task behind us. You know? We were together a while after that and had a lovely time.


The one other fellow I was interested in did keep a warped sort of score card… every one kind thing he did he counted as being equivalent to the daily things I had been doing for him… it was a little odd. I don’t count, but I DO believe in daily affirmations towards someone you love. For it to have been reduced and ignored, treated as if he was the only one contributing anything… was really off-putting. I felt really used and forgotten. Didn’t like it at all.

[Finchie40]

Yea that isn’t love to me that’s control and abuse , my ex started keeping a score card on me towards the end of, and that’s another reason I ended it with her because I didn’t do that to her whatsoever, she started being shady and it was like she used that as an excuse for her selfish behavior and actions if forgot to do something that was on her to do list like I was her slave or some shit , When I asked her why she is doing this to me , she said she is unhappy with me and wants a man that can read her mind pretty much , the girl was mentally psychotic , i started assuming she was cheating on me or about the cheat on me by her actions and behaviors , plotting me out to be this bad guy when clearly she was the POS , only wanting things her way , she stopped sleeping with me in bed , started to deny intimacy and affection from me , stopped including me in trips and saying she needs alone time , I felt used and taken for granted , she destroyed my heart. When I told her to leave she said let’s make a contract agreement , I said a contract? She said yes let’s make a contract that we both agree upon , I was like are you fucking serious? She said think about it , I said show me the contract when you have it finished , the whole contract was in favor of her , to the point it was to buy her more time stringing me along , I told her to Go fuck herself , she then said she isn’t in love with me anymore but doesn’t hate me and hopes we can still be friends’ for the kids’ sake , she claimed there was nobody else and said she would still have sex with me under the contract agreement which was 1’time a week , I laughed and said you are insane , get out of my fucking life you selfish pos person , she then left without letting me know where she was going , so I figured she left me for someone else , since she wasn’t returning my calls and texts , When she came back I told her to get the fuck out of here , she said she isn’t leaving until we sell the house and she gets her share

[Finchie40]

So that’s where I am in life right now , not knowing what do to , I did t think after all these years of being with someone I thought loved me would turn out this way , She won’t tell me the truth that she met someone else because she knows I will eat her alive in court. The girl destroyed me yet again , I know I’m not perfect but I know I didn’t deserve this

[DishLady]

Sorry you went through all that with her. I know it stings. :(

Hopefully it doesn't prevent you from trying to find a good woman. We don't do shit like that as a rule of thumb. I save the score cards for the golf course/bowling alley...

[Finchie40]

It’s been hard and I realized she is a selfish pos person that I hope rots in hell. Being with her was the biggest mistake in my life 😔

[victoriaxoxo]

Yh once I was dating this guy for a few months, one day he actually came up to me sorta after a small argument and pulled out a pros and cons list he had for me and showed me. It was very weird, I know sometimes people mentally log bits and bobs but to have this list and pull it up in front of me was crazy. We were done soon after that.

When someone starts to knit-pick like that it’s a great indicator that the end is near. It always reminds me of this scene from Mindhunter:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/NGGHP4xrOBA

P. S. she probably doesn’t consciously register that she is negging and she might not even know she is or why, these sort of things tend to be subconscious where we simply start feeling irritated by those around us as initial feelings dissipate and dust settles.

[Finchie40]

Yea it was her way of manipulating me and making me out to be this horrible person to make herself seem like she was an innocent victim when clearly she was the POS , Towards the end of our marriage she kept finding flaws to make it seem like I was this asshole disrespectful guy , and started comparing me to other men that were married , saying things like a real husband would do this and do that for his wife , making me think I was this horrible guy , when all I was doing was loving her and our family the truth is she became a horrible disrespectful selfish person that only cares about herself and never took any accountability for selfish behavior and actions , She even tried turning our own children against me , but thankfully our kids’ saw right through her immature selfish behavior and understood why I had to walk away from her. I’m not saying I am perfect but I knew I didn’t deserve the way she was treating me

[victoriaxoxo]

She doesn’t seem to do a lot of reflecting, if that’s the case.

[slatyb]

There's a name for that -- "transactional". It's a deep personality trait, and it's not going to change anytime soon. There's no way to resolve this -- they won't give anything unless they know what they are getting. It's exhausting. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone like that, get out, no matter how desirable they appear. The sex won't be good either.

[Finchie40]

Sounds exactly like my ex , she was never satisfied with anything , always wanted something and compared our lives to other people , I worked my ass off to give her a good content peaceful like and it wasn’t good enough , you are right it was mentally exhausting putting up with her shit , One minute she was sweet and nice and next she was a spawn of satan, Getting rid of her was the best move i made for myself

[slatyb]

My ex was the same way. A brilliant therapist helped me see the light, and life got much better. Now I'm remarried to a very sweet and very attractive woman.

[HawkPerception]

Honestly, I keep a bit of a scorecard myself. I don't think it's a toxic trait to have. Everyone has limits to what they are willing to tolerate in a relationship in terms of how they're treated or just traits they dislike in their partner.

[SteveSmith1985]

Man, this just sounds like an unhappy relationship. I have never been in a relationship like that, and wouldn't ever stay in a relationship like that. I urge you not to stay in a relationship where you feel that way either.

[alli-112]

Big yikes. Sounds like toxic behavior on her part. Even if she's unhappy, building out some system that you didn't agree to and then trying to hold you to it isn't reasonable. Like, I have no idea if you were or were not "doing enough" or treating her well in other regards, but that doesn't excuse that kind of behavior on her end. If she was that unhappy, she should have either sat down and had a serious conversation about what was going on, or just left on her own terms rather than emotionally punishing you for not meeting her expectations, communicated/agreed upon or otherwise.

I wouldn't bother with a dude who did something like that and thankfully have never been in that situation.

[DangerouslyCute]

I wouldn't start a relationship with such a person... life is too short for that...

[Finchie40]

It didn’t start off that way , her selfishness turned her that way towards the end

[DangerouslyCute]

I wouldn't start a relationship with a selfish person too...

[Finchie40]

LOL she wasn’t on the beginning , she changed

[Sal_Monella]

There is no rehabilitation for her. She has mental issues and you are not a therapist.
My recommendation would be:

But you said "my ex" so you already fixed it.

[midnightmoon05]

yeah... my hubby ate my ice cream and didn't replace it.

I asked this question on gag... gag friends said he should at lease replaced the ice cream.

he ate my ice cream again last week... :( maybe I'll put fake ice cream in the freezer for him :) heheehe...

[Geo1970]

Sounds like it was a good idea that you broke up with your partner.

[Geo1970]

Just for the record, I have never experienced this kind of situation, and hopefully I never will do.

[bddddd]

Everyone keeps a mental score card of sorts. My wife of 25 years has never bothered to buy a decent pair of panties, so that's -1. We all do it.

[bddddd]

It's how relationships work.

[robocop666]

Your ex is a fucking idiot. Mentally unwell.

[Geo1970]

Simplistic, yes, you’re correct!

[Chichi90]

Someone needs to be honest and more peaceful.

[TheSpaceGnome]

She sounds nuts, never heard of anyone doing that.

[Brandi555]

Wait. wtf you mean score card? That would probably go up his ass. 🙄

[Brandi555]

Thanks but I don’t remember asking your opinion

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you had no interest in lifting your game, and she called you out on it.

[Finchie40]

She just wasn’t happy with anything , always found reason to complain , always depressed and stressed about something , she expected me to be her slave and took me for granted , everyone else was at fault but she was never wrong

[dustybiker2]

Sounds like a lack of maturity.

[EmmaMary]

No thankfully.

[Finchie40]

I hope you never experience it

[NathanDavis]

no, I don't hate myself...

[Phoenix98]

Nope and I wouldn't.

[ellenchavers]

Hmmm

[Finchie40]

Hopefully you never experienced it

[Anonymous]

No, I actually never had a relationship.

[Chocolatetwopointtwo]

nope, get a life pls