How can I get through to my little brother?

[Shadowmoonfairy]

My brother is a very kind man but his long distance girlfriend is completely toxic. He works at a factory for 5 days a week 50 hours a week while going to school for nursing. The poor guys up 19 hours a day 5 days a week. His lazy unemployed girlfriend keeps saying if he was going to get a degree he should of by now 30 and is to old to be in school. When she knows he dropped out of highschool at 17 to raise our eldest sisters kids cause she's a moron and it wasn't until last year that he was able to go back to school. I've tried several times to tell him he can do better but she keeps getting in his head saying no one would want him I need advice to help him see how bad she is for him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[HollyK21]

The best you can do right now is show support. When he reaches to vent (which he inevitably will), just be there to listen and rather than lecture, ask leading questions that get him to arrive to the conclusion himself.


I. E: “why do you think she said that?” “What do you think her reason for doing X was?” “Do you trust that she’s being honest with you?”. Questions like these help him explore what’s going on.


This situation is hard. It’s heartbreaking watching someone that you love and are so close with be mistreated or stay in a toxic situation. But you can’t twist his arm into leaving her and the more you badmouth her, for some weird reason the closer it can make him to her. She’s probably his first serious girlfriend, he’s a good guy and fell for her manipulation. It sucks, I know, but try to be patient. Don’t smack talk her, as tempting as it may be, just be there to listen and hopefully he comes to the conclusion on his own one day that this isn’t a good relationship.

[ChiTown33]

Here's the best bit of advice I can give that I say to man or woman with a problem like this. I ask them to ask themselves one simple question. And that's "Do you feel better about yourself or worse about yourself, does this person make you feel better about yourself, or does this person make you feel worse about yourself, does this person tear you down or build you up more often than not". Because that is the CLEAREST indicator of a toxic relationship. Someone who loves you and cares about you want the best for you. They may need to use tough love from time to time. Bit I'd everything you say about your brother is accurate, that's not tough love.

At the end of the day though YOUR BROTHER has to make this decision. You cannot make it for him. I would ask him what I said if I were you. And then just hope he makes the right decision.

I hate reading stories like this on here from man or woman. Because I always tell everybody they deserving of love. Never stay with someone who treats you badly (man or woman) because you think (erroneously) you can't do any better. It's ALWAYS better to be single than that.

[nl171]

I can appreciate your concern for your brother but unfortunately many men will get defensive when you try to tell them something like this. Sometimes, as painful as it is, the best bet is to let things fall apart on their own and have him learn from his own mistakes.

[nl171]

Thank you for MHO!

[RHK36]

The best you can do is keep being real with him. At some point it'll blow up on his face and maybe next time he'll listen. The more you try to keep pushing the more he'll be into her because he's an immature moron.

[Iron_Man]

shame on the girlfriend. He’ll find out sooner or later that she’s a hard ass delusional and lazy

[In_Trance]

This is hit problem. Let it be

[Jeff51]

I would dump her.