How can I not let this bother me for my future?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone,
my ex boyfriend and i always always always never seen eye to eye in this situation. he followed a lot of bikini girls on ig and recently he hung out with girls with his guy friends and never told me anything. i always had to find out on my own because his friend always posted the picture on instagram. i always felt like following bikini girls was bad and i definitely think hanging out with girls is cheating on me. i don’t want to think that way or be insecure about that for my future. is there any suggestions that i can do to not feel that way anymore? i don’t want to ruin my future relationships with this insecurity.

[ohsheeT]

Yes don't get in that type of relationship. If you start dating some one and next thing you know you find out they have secrets they are keeping from you. You need to talk about it one time and if it happens again you make the next move

Any guy that want to be with you wants to be with you and has no secrets

That means he knows he wouldn't like it if you were doing that. So he's not going to do that...

That's what happens in relationships if I wouldn't like it if she did it then she's not gonna like it if I do it. It's trust and respect

And if he can't take you some place with him there's something wrong about that.

Aren't you lies where he's been all day and he lies about everything

Before you jump into relationship you have to know that person

[Zylos]

I mean, at the end of the day, those worries are your attempt to take care of yourself. But yeah, maybe a way to take care of yourself is to clearly express your needs, and then find a guy who is a good fit for you and not just settle for any dude.

Sometimes it is totally rational to be worried, but if a guy cheats on you or neglects you in favor of other women, then that guy is fundamentally not a good match for you, at least not right now.

So instead of beating yourself up for being jealous, just see it as "I am trying to protect myself, and that is good, because I am worth protecting."

[Anonymous]

Hate to see that you’ve gaslit yourself so bad over a man but no, this isn’t an insecurity it’s just flat out disrespect on his part.

[Shiprex]

If it's a boundary you want to set then set it. Don't let others dictate your boundaries because that will eat away at you and spoil your mental health and spirit.

Make it clear that you want to be respected by a guy in that way as not all guys follow bikini models on social media. I follow a lot of golfers both male and female but because female ones get more views, you can guess which ones I get plastered with and it's tiresome.

Be your own authentic self and if something bothers you make it clear what you feel and state how to rectify it.

[TrimmedTip]

I get why that hurt you. It’s not really about the bikini pics or hanging out with girls—it’s that he wasn’t honest or open with you. That kind of behavior makes anyone feel insecure. But the fact that you’re aware of it and don’t want to carry it into your future says a lot. You’re not wrong for feeling how you did—you just needed more honesty and respect. The right person will give you that without making you second-guess yourself.

[BadApple69]

U. S. guys like to look at pretty things…. Girls are the prettiest. BUT hanging out with other girls (unless you are there too) should be the line that’s not crossed.
You are not wrong for being pissed about that.

[Asker]

i don’t like his friends like at all and he always knew that so
he does not tell me anything. i used to hangout with guys all the time and never told him anything. so i know its not a big deal. i never had feelings for the guys i hung out with because they were friends. i should understand that nothing would have happened and i should feel secure in myself that i bring the best to the table and none of the girls he hangs out with matter.

[BadApple69]

Yea…. But…. Throw some alcohol into that gathering of girls and guys and things might happen, just friends or not. The best thing is not to be in that situation at all.
I know if I am drinking with girls who are “just friends” a few drinks in I’ll start looking at them a little differently.