My girlfriend couldn’t get over her ex. What should I do?

[TimothyLee00]

I met her on an online dating platform because for some reason I couldn’t get a girlfriend no matter how hard I have tried. She is my first girlfriend. I asked her if she has an ex. She told me she had one whom was abusive, player bad boy who uses her for his sexual pleasure. I assured her I’m nothing like him so I accepted her as my girlfriend but we hadn’t gone out on a date yet because she wanted to know more about me first due to her traumatic experience. Then days later she couldn’t stop talking about him. She kept telling me how he is trash and she wished his mom died. I read her messages and I pitied her for suffering so much. I have given her a chance because I believe there’s something about her which made me attracted to her. She’s nice to me in her messages but likes to insult her ex boyfriend. His first name is Jordon. She’s also someone who cares about me deeply, she also knew about my past because I told her how I was bullied because I was a small weak guy. Now I lift heavy weights because that trauma struck me for ages. I’m more slightly bigger in size but at least I’m not small and weak. What struck me the most wasn’t her ex but how she wants to be dominant in bed. I was beaming because I love dominant women. The thing is, she is a virgin so she admitted she has no idea how to do it. I’m a virgin too because I’m a shy young man with no sexual experience whatsoever. I believe she’s a good person but I’m not sure if I should marry her in the future. Should I break up with her? I don’t wanna hurt her feelings. I need some advice please, thank you.

Updates

11 mo

Another thing I forgot to add is: She didn’t know I’m secretly creating an account here to ask questions about dating because if she were to know she would get upset. It’s not cheating but I just wanna know more.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a really tough situation you've found yourself in. It sounds like this girl you're seeing has been through some serious trauma with her ex, and that's definitely understandable. But the fact that she can't seem to move on from him is a major red flag.

I get that you really like her and you're attracted to her dominant personality, but you gotta be honest with yourself - is this relationship really healthy for you in the long run? She's clearly still hung up on her abusive ex, and that's not gonna be good for either of you.

You shouldn't have to be competing with a ghost from her past, you know? If she can't let go of that baggage, it's just gonna keep dragging you down too. And the fact that she's talking so much smack about her ex is a bit concerning - that level of bitterness isn't a good sign.

Listen, I know you really like this girl and you don't want to hurt her. But you gotta put yourself first, bro. If she's not ready to move on and give you the attention and affection you deserve, then you might need to consider cutting your losses. It's gonna suck, but you can't force someone to be over their ex.

My advice would be to have an honest conversation with her. Tell her you care about her, but you're worried that she's not over her past. See if she's willing to work on that and focus on building a healthy relationship with you. If not, then you might need to walk away, as much as it hurts. You deserve someone who's fully present and committed to you, not someone who's still hung up on an ex.

It's a tough call, I know. But you gotta do what's best for you, my dude. Don't settle for crumbs just because you want a girlfriend. You've got a lot to offer, and you deserve someone who's gonna appreciate that. Stay strong, bro. You got this.

[TimothyLee00]

Thank you. ☺️ I’ve been chatting with her for months as I met her online, therefore I don’t know what she looks like in person. I hope me talking to her and giving her advice will help her stop thinking and talking about her ex. Although getting over an ex ain’t easy especially since he was her first boyfriend. I wouldn’t expect her to forget about him but I just want her to know I’ll be there for her no matter what. I believe there’s something good about her so I’ll just text her and see if she’s willing to change for the better by being more positive.

[ohsheeT]

Let her go and say good luck. She is the last person you want in your life. Because if she not home. Your mind will go to the x. It doesn't matter where she is what she's doing. You're always gonna be thinking that she is with him. Let her go start again. You'll be ten times happier

[katiesmuff]

You still don't have a girlfriend, just a conversation piece!

[TimothyLee00]

I guess I get attached too fast because due to the fact that I never have one in my life.

[itsannalee]

Move on and get someone better

[TimothyLee00]

I see thank you. I’m not sure if I can get another better girlfriend because I’m a timid shy guy.

[Selene1600000]

Don’t think about marriage yet since you haven’t even met or built real-life experience together. Her constant anger toward her ex is a red flag for unresolved hurt, so focus on whether she can move past that over time. Take things slowly, meet in person, and only stay if the relationship feels calm, respectful, and stable for both of you.

[MemeSupreme]

communicate with her

your voice matters too

[In_Trance]

Dump her

[TimothyLee00]

I know what I’m about to say sounds nosy, are you married or in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Why don’t u want to marry her

[TimothyLee00]

She can be insecure at times which bothers me but at the same time I’m afraid she might not love me due to her ex. I get attached way too fast because she’s my first and I lacked dating experiences that’s why I secretly come here to ask. I’ve been chatting with her for more than 6 months. She can’t know I’m on here asking questions otherwise she’ll make things difficult for me. I hope this account of mine stays a secret.

[Opinion Owner]

U call her insecure? But the only insecure one here looks like u

[TimothyLee00]

Well maybe I’m too but the problem is I’m really unsure of what I should do next.

[Opinion Owner]

I think u are overthinking it. Is this ex better than u? U sound really really insecure