When do you tell a potential love interest that you're mentally ill?

Question

It's controlled through medication but you have a mental illness?

sage2021 · Accepted Answer

Hi sis...

It's hard for me to tell you WhEN is the appropriate time to tell someone as potential love interest that you have something that's not easy for you to talk about but at the same time it's something that they should know about you.
You could be talking about different things some day and your gut will tell you "It's time". I think you'll know when the time is right, and that's WHEN you'll bring it up.
Mind you, it's not going to be easy for either of you to get through that conversation. It's going to catch him off guard, and he might not know what to say right then when you tell him.
I wouldn't wait too long so you will have to steer the conversation and lead into it easily.
This is hard to give my opinion about but at the same time, my late boyfriend had ADHD and he told me right away. I did some research about it so I would know what to expect and if there's anything that I could be doing to help him with it.
There's no good answer here that is the definitive answer- sorry❣️

Nikki1989 · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't say anything until you've established a sense of trust and a shared connection with someone.

Finchie40 · Answer

Hopefully in the beginning before you take it further with them. Is the respectful thing to do , instead of blind siding someone like my ex did to me. Mental illness is something that needs to be addressed and discussed about before committing to someone. So that someone can be prepared for what they might be dealing with. Mental illness is no joke whatsoever. My ex suffered from PTSD and anxiety and depression to the point she was more
Than likely Bi polar as well , when she didn’t take her meds , she turned into a demon like a flip of a switch that basically hated my guts and treated me like complete shit leaving a question mark over my head as to why is she treating me this way , when the day and night before she was loving me and all over me. She would have these episodes and I didn’t even know who she was when she had them , so I would jump on my car and leave her ass. She eventually came chasing me back and making up , this happened a few times throughout our relationship , I would leave and she come chasing , after the 3 rd time I told her it’s over between us , and that’s when she confessed to me she has Mental illness and explained it to me , I did feel bad for her and accepted her apology thinking I could handle it , now that I knew the truth. and for a long time things between us were great , we moved in together
And got married and had children together , but eventually she got worse , to the point I couldn’t handle it anymore. It was like being in a relationship with Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde , basically not knowing what I was coming home to. It was one of the craziest relationships I ever been in in my life. I knew I should have walked away but I loved her and our children. Now her and I are just mutual mainly for the kids’ sake , now that they are older , we tried working things out but realized we are better off not being together. She still lives with me but as a room mate , she does her thing and I do mine , we are waiting for our adult kids’ to get on their own 2 feet and then we are going to sell the house and split the money and go our separate ways. We don’t hate each other , we just know we are no longer good for each other , I been dating and she claims she isn’t going to date ever again , she just wants to stay single , I honestly think she is bi sexual , because her friendship with her one girlfriend is very weird and shady , but I stay out of it and no longer care what she does , since I am going out doing my thing and other girls’ as well lol

HawkPerception · Answer

Asap. It should be mentioned as one of the first things. I had a girlfriend that told me up front she was bipolar. I respected her for telling me and it made me feel closer to her. I told her I don't see a problem if I like her. Eventually though, it did become a little strange and turned me away.

ohsheeT · Answer

For me this is a hard question just because who i am and what I believe in mean try putting my self in your shoes. And for me that make it ever harder to g I've an answer let me think about it for a min

Avicenna · Answer

I'd like to know as soon as possible, at least once interest is serious

silvermoon84 · Answer

You can tell them whenever you feel comfortable, but it’s best to tell them up front. I made the mistake of waiting until 3 or 4 months in to tell my last ex about my ADHD diagnosis. He was rude at first about it and then came around, but he didn’t fully understand what ADHD was until about three months ago when we were on a date and my symptoms were at their worst. I hoped he’d be understanding and empathetic about it but instead he screamed at me, put me down repeatedly and ultimately broke up with me. You’re better off learning from my mistake and that way if he says “sorry, that’s too much for me to handle, bye” you’ll at least won’t waste anymore time and feelings on him. Good luck.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Just go off the meds and he'll figure it out eventually.

Kidding. You seem very nice. Just bring it up in casual conversation when you two are in a place with some privacy. No big deal. Don't get anxious. Just lay it out there. What you are struggling with. What you're doing to deal with it. Like it's no big deal. A sprained ankle.

And realize going in that your honesty may cost you. But that's the way it is. If he freaks out and runs, then that's good for you. He wasn't the one. Better to know that sooner than later. So don't stress over having the conversation. Either way you get something of value from it. So get what you want, no secrets and an answer.

Pumpkinpie222 · Answer

I think it’s important to realize mental illness is like any other physical illness. When it’s important to address, you will know. Maybe after you’ve met in person and had a date or two. If it’s not obvious other wise. If someone had a physical illness I don’t need to know right away but I do need to know as time goes on and we grow closer. I think it’s how you present it too. “Something I work on daily” etc. Or if it naturally has a chance to be brought up when you are talking about related issues. I have struggle with anxiety most of my adult life and I throw that in when it feels like a decent time. Matter of fact it or a way to show compassion for maybe a problem they’ve had in their past/currently.

katiesmuff · Answer

WOW! That would be a tough one for sure. What I have witnessed through the years with employee's that we happen to get from time to time who have issues, don't tell us and we begin to see the good and bad days and it's usually not until someone who has been very close to that person's family happens to spill the beans. We've had issues both with the kitchen help and server's. There have been a few cases where we have had to let them go do to the behavior. My understanding is that many don't like the meds and other's can't afford to keep up with the monthly purchases

Atze1984 · Answer

well so many already chipped in, ill do my best... to add some perspective.

I always tell my dates, and usually they already know as we tend to meet and connect in places where its well known im autistic, and have ptsd.

However i can imagine its of-putting to be direct about it , but if you do not have big anxiety or similar... then it will help you a lot.

Now i don't need to know your diagnose , but know you are never alone... Feel assured that most people even with a mental condition can still find a good match ;-).

And even if it lasts for just several years (like my love stories) , its not worse than the average!!! And remember that you also get some advantages from most conditions that others do not have.

If your date rejects you because of it , then it says more about them than about you.

Stay strong , and be confident.

TrimmedTip · Answer

When you feel safe and connected — but before things get serious. It’s about trust timing, not first-date material. Say it simply, honestly, and when you’re ready to explain what it means (and doesn’t mean) for you and a relationship. You owe them the truth, but you also owe yourself compassion. 💬❤️‍🩹

You’re not your illness — you’re a whole person worthy of love.

MemeSupreme · Answer

honestly just text them if you feel weird saying it in-person or bring it up by complaining about your meds or something lol he'll wonder what its for

aaron13547 · Answer

When it comes up... you don't hide it but you don't wave it like a flag either. Just be yourself. If things are really meant to be he will know you are "crazy" before you tell him and he will like you for it... a problem is only a problem when we make it a problem a lot of the time

thegreenyogi · Answer

If it was me I'd come out with it immediately so that it's all on the table and that person is free to make a decision and it prevents anyone's feelings getting hurt because it would be on the first few dates where feelings of attachment haven't really developed yet.

Caroline91 · Answer

I'd say any time something comes up that needs a real, true explanation, but definitely if it looks like things are getting serious. There are lots of different mental illnesses from minor to serious. But, I would say the same thing about any kind of chronic physical ailment as well. Either can seriously impact a relationship and both partners, so take it head on.

SixFootSexy · Answer

Dated a girl with ADHD and borderline personality disorder, she told me up front. Took me a little too long to realize that's what BPD meant, not Bipolar. Oops.

It is tough, because she would have panic attacks and other breakdowns. She was crazy, but at least she was also crazy about me. It was nice to feel desired in a way I had never been prior.

Ultimately we broke up because she was very undependable, not even the mental health issues.

Shiprex · Answer

It would be best if you could bing it up honestly and blatantly well before things get deep. Like try to avoid making it super serious too because that can cause someone to take a step back and run. If it's done in a moment of closeness, not intimacy, but at a time when everyone is mellow and in a kind and compassionate state, then you should be ok to ask if you can tell them something, that is important to you that may affect how they see you but that you want to tell them about you.

SoccerPlayer99 · Answer

Maybe after a few months before things get too attached but long enough that they can see you are coping with it well. If you have not already done the work on yourself to heal your past baggage then you really have no business jumping into a relationship with someone else. You'll just take that baggage with you and hurt the next person. Fix you, learn to be alone with your illness and how to deal with it, and THEN find a relationship when you are a more complete person.

WonderingManII · Answer

Good question! I don't like how people hide information until they suck you in. But this has got some stigma.

Ask105 · Answer

I think most women have mental illness its not that uncommon the girl i was with told me that and i was like do you take medicine for it and didn't seem like i could do anything to help so end of story was still with her till she left eventually

Iron_Man · Answer

How do you know you do has it been Confirmed by a psychiatrist and did you get a second opinion? What kind of mental illness are we talking about?

Ainzl3y · Answer

It’s hard to say when exactly to tell someone that you have a mental illness. BUT speaking off of personal experience here, i would say that before anything gets too serious, make sure to sit them down and have a talk about it. You could also hint about it in conversations. But if you are really looking to stay with that person, i would definitely recommend just being straightforward with them one day. It’s definitely an awkward conversation to come, but a necessary one.

Kenton324 · Answer

Gotta be in first convo... It's like your sexual preferences, being a vegetarian, your other girlfriend. If these things are deal breakers it's way better to find out before you fall in love. I'm bi polar and recovering addict, I share that first time every time.

InknKink · Answer

If you're emotionally involved, you probably waited too long. Tell them early so that if it is a problem, it's not a self-destruct button to you.

strateguy632 · Answer

After you pass other more common barriers, if those do not break you up then mention it after ten meetings.

roganlone · Answer

Probably a few dates in if you're nervous about the topic, let them get to know you and see if there's a spark first, but also I find these days there isn't as much of a stigma around mental health and most people are pretty understanding

lorenzomichael · Answer

Probably never because after being with me for at least 3 weeks if she can’t see that I’m crazy as fuck and that nothing and I mean nothing other than God scares me then why tell her she probably already knows.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

Probably best from the start. They will be okay with it or they won’t. Either way you will have an immediate understanding of where you stand with them.

avery58 · Answer

It would depend on what part of talking stage we are in

UniquelyBasic · Answer

They deserve to know they are dating a psychopath 🤨 lol

slatyb · Answer

When it's getting serious enough that you are both in it for the long term.

Rangers · Answer

Definitely don't open up, saying that. Bring it up after you've already formed the bond and they'll overlook it

exitseven · Answer

Wait a while. Maybe you will decide that you are not really crazy.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

I'd wait for them to figure it out, hehe! By the time they do they'll be emotionally invested. Yep, I'm evil.

genericname85 · Answer

relatively early on. you don't wanna waste someones time.

Guanfei · Answer

Right away. And then it's up to them to decide if they're fine with it

Babygirl_S · Answer

Whenever he tells you his mental illness is a good time

dudeinohio · Answer

Usually during the talking stage before a first date.

Dongie · Answer

Oooh, that is a juicy bit of living! Mental illnesses can be quite fun with the opposite sex.

FenixG45 · Answer

I usually bring it up early on, so that it can be addressed. Afterall, I can't hide it. If they can't deal with it then best to end it quickly.

PretzelBeanie · Answer

I think you could wait until a little before it will effect them. You can tell them right away if you prefer.

qwerty2469 · Answer

She told me. I dont think it is an illness. Its a blessing.

Anonymous · Answer

As soon as possible, that way you'll know if the relationship is going to work.

Billlewis · Answer

Um, like never. Not to mention that it's often very difficult to either prove or disprove.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

When...: she's all tied up and muted with duct tape down in my soundproofed basement chamber? :P

jazzy34 · Answer

Whenever you guys become exclusive.

mysteriousNicholas · Answer

Surely on the first date 📅🌹

Chelsdope0 · Answer

I usually just let them find out

Briennette · Answer

Right from the start, in my opinion.

Jennz6 · Answer

I’m not sure babe

dustybiker2 · Answer

Isn't everyone?

WhitneySnow · Answer

Third date

Gaylordslav · Answer

whats wrong with your brain?

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

From the start

Anonymous · Answer

Guys can usually tell when they talk to a woman

When do you tell a potential love interest that you're mentally ill?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do you think you should disclose to your spouse you were diagnosed with a mental illness?

When do you tell a potential love interest that you're mentally ill?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Do you think you should disclose to your spouse you were diagnosed with a mental illness?

We're glad to see you liked this post.