Why do formerly abused women, when they find a decent guy for a relationship usually dump them and go *back* to an abusive relationship?

[dudeinohio]

I never understood this. I was in such a relationship. She dumped me and ended up with another abuser, from what I can determine.

[sage2021]

In a sad way they go back to what is familiar to them. They were more than likely to have been abused as a young girl 👧 or they came from a very dysfunctional and abusive family of origin. They know how to act with what is familiar to them. They know what part they play in those relationships and may be addicted to negative excitement.

On the other hand, you didn't feel familiar to her, and you weren't chaotic enough to give her that negative excitement she IS familiar with.

It's nothing against you, but you probably were boring to her. But you can see why. That's just not her thing to be with a "normal" person.
You couldn't trip her trigger.

[dudeinohio]

Thanks for your comments :)

[sage2021]

You are quite welcome and I hope that I shed some new light on your question.

[dudeinohio]

you did.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the MHO 🙂

[dudeinohio]

U r welcome

[Aliceouyang]

This is often related to psychological trauma, dependence pattern and sense of self-worth. For some people, the familiar painful environment is safer than the unfamiliar healthy relationship.

[katiesmuff]

I couldn't agree with you more and have witnessed some of this with the young girls who work in my restaurant from time to time. You talk to them and try and persuade them to get help, but to no avail. I don't understand it at all.

[dudeinohio]

yeah, it's sad.

[jahaims]

Trauma response